Most of us occasionally ask ourselves questions about our physical appearance. Unfortunately, the company puts a lot of emphasis on the concept of "beauty". TV and cinema, magazines and books, but also thousands of products and advertisements all insist that there is an "ideal" to which one must conform to be "beautiful". These unrealistic standards, which cause a sense of exclusion, immediately creep into people's minds. Studies have found that 50% of girls between the ages of 3 and 6 fear they are "fat" and that nearly a third would change their physical appearance if they could. However, numerous researches have also shown that "beauty" is very subjective and personal. It really is in the eye of the beholder. There is no one way to be beautiful. By learning to accept yourself and be confident in who you are, inside and out, you will be able to feel beautiful every day. Research has shown that when you feel beautiful, others are likely to feel the same way too!
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Learn to accept yourself
Step 1. Be understanding of yourself
Physical appearance can be a source of psychological shame and pain. Sometimes, such shame can prevent you from feeling your true beauty, because it locks you in a whirlwind of sensations that make you feel unworthy, unfit for love, not up to par or inadequate. If others judge you according to the artificial patterns of society, you may also feel humiliation or embarrassment. Understanding is the antidote to the sense of shame that comes from the judgment of others (or oneself). Here are some exercises you can do to start being more understanding and forgiving of yourself:
- Think about an embarrassing experience or an old wound from the past. Imagine what you would have liked to hear you say at that moment. What words would you have wanted? Write them down.
- Then imagine that the words marked on the sheet of paper are spoken by someone you love or admire. It could be a close friend or even a spiritual figure. Listen to it as it talks to you and absorb what it tells you. Examine your emotions when you hear her words. What do you feel?
- Repeat them out loud to yourself. Focus on your breathing and assimilate the words as you breathe deeply. Pay attention to your feelings as you listen to your voice.
Step 2. Think about how you would treat a friend
Sometimes, we are much harder on ourselves than we would be on anyone else. Think about how you would address a friend who has a hard time feeling beautiful. What would you tell her? Try to show the same sensitivity towards yourself.
- Imagine that your friend has come to you to talk to you about how bad she is because of her physical appearance. What would you tell her? How would you answer her? Write it down.
- Think about your criticism or how you feel about your outward appearance. How do you respond to yourself in these situations? Write this too.
- Compare the two circumstances. Is there any difference? If so, why do you think it exists? What motivates the answers you give to another person? What motivates the answers you give to yourself?
- To be kinder and more understanding, take note of how you can change your reactions to difficulties that come your way.
- Research suggests that people tend to choose as friends individuals they find attractive in some way. Think about what you think is beautiful in who you love. You may find that the beauty standard you consider for your friends is much more forgiving than the one you keep in mind for yourself.
Step 3. Question your self-criticism
Some research has shown that self-criticism can cause anxiety and depression. You may feel unhappy with yourself, because you compare yourself to artificial standards imposed by society or because, after being judged by others, you feel ashamed. The more you commit to questioning the most useless or hypercritical thoughts, the more likely you will be to accept yourself as you are.
- The human brain has a bad tendency to focus on negative experiences and information, rejecting positive ones. The next time the most critical part of you tells you that you are not "_ enough," remember that the mind doesn't always communicate the truth. It probably neglects a lot of positives about your person, getting hooked on something negative, which may not even be true.
- For example, a similar note could arise: "I give up. I will never be thinner than I am. It is useless even to try."
- There are several ways to manage these kinds of thoughts. For example, you can evaluate why you feel the need to lose weight. Is it for health reasons established in agreement with the doctor? Or why do you compare yourself to someone else's beauty standard? Remember that no one can tell you what you "must" look like.
- You may also be able to identify your positives in dealing with negative thoughts. For example: "I must not lose confidence in myself. I will not be able to lose weight, but I can put all my efforts to have a strong body and I like doing sports".
- You can also set new goals to act lovingly towards you and accept yourself. For example: "I don't like going to the gym, but I love walking. I don't need to train the way society dictates. I'll do what makes me happy."
Step 4. Be aware of what you think
A useful way to deal with self-critical thoughts is to remember that they are just thoughts. They are not necessarily "true". Trying to fight them doesn't always work. In fact, in trying to "get rid of them" you also run the risk of them becoming obsessive. You may even come to the conclusion that you are not able to get rid of it. Instead, try to admit their existence, acknowledging that they are not real facts.
- For example: "Right now I think I'm not beautiful, but it's just a thought. It's not a fact. I can't control these kinds of thoughts, but I don't even have to believe what they are telling me."
- Meditation can also help you become more aware of your thoughts. You can learn to accept them as they arise, without pushing yourself to judge. Mindfulness meditation and loving-kindness are great meditation methods to start with. Studies have shown that meditation can actually restructure the mind to react to the most stressful factors.
Step 5. Focus on the positives
Surrounding ourselves with beauty stereotypes can make us vulnerable to cognitive distortions that act as filters, making us focus only on the things we don't like about our person. Tackle these distortions by playing a game: whenever you think of something negative about yourself, immediately find something positive to counter it. Maybe if you list your positives in front of a mirror, it will be easier to accept that what you say is true.
- For example, if you think "What crooked teeth I have!", Stop and find something positive: "I have a beautiful smile that can show when I am happy and encourage others".
- Sometimes, the guilt and judgments we face in the world around us can make it more difficult to discover something beautiful within us. If you find yourself in this situation, try focusing on the amazing things you can do with your body. Do you play sports, lift weights, dance, run, laugh, breathe? Can you hug people, sing a song, cook a dish? By appreciating your body for what it can do for you, you will be able to more easily find in you aspects that you like.
Step 6. Make a list to promote your self-esteem
Since the mind is able to concentrate well on negative things, actively fight this propensity by compiling a list of the positive aspects that characterize your person. By taking the time to recognize and write down the sides you appreciate about yourself, you can "store" them in your brain so that you can remember them later. When you go through a bad time, take your self-esteem checklist and reflect on the many things that make you beautiful. Here are some questions to start with:
- What do you like about yourself and your life?
- What skills or abilities do you value about yourself?
- What compliments do others give you?
- What do you like about your appearance today?
- What success have you achieved today?
- What do you find beautiful today?
- Which side of yourself are you proud of?
- What do you find beautiful in the impact you have on others?
Step 7. Write yourself a letter of forgiveness
It is essential to learn to forgive yourself to heal the wounds of the past that can prevent you from seeing the true value of your person. Maybe you made a mistake for which you keep judging yourself. Maybe you feel guilty about an experience you went through when you were younger. Whatever it is, by forgiving yourself for what happened, you will be able to move on.
- Identify an experience that makes you feel guilty or sad. Address your letter to the little person you were when you experienced that situation.
- Use kind and loving words. Talk to yourself as you would a friend or loved one who is pining for guilt.
- Remind the younger part of you that mistakes are opportunities to learn, not episodes that ruin your life forever.
- Make a plan to find a way to use past experience to benefit your future.
Method 2 of 3: Gain Self-Confidence
Step 1. Ask yourself a few questions about beauty standards
Since every day we are bombarded with images that show us what beauty "should" be like, it is very easy to take these stereotypes as true. Remember that these are limited and constructed models, which cause a sense of exclusion. Too often "handsome" means tall, white, thin and young. You don't have to set any kind of standards. By learning to recognize how contrived and unrealistic such stereotypes are, you will be able to identify your beauty, regardless of what others say.
- The beauty standards promoted by the mass media have real effects on us. Studies have shown that exposure to illusory images of the bodies increase depressive symptoms and dissatisfaction with one's physical appearance.
- Search the Internet for "Photoshop mistakes in magazines" or "retouched models" to see how many of these beauty ideals are entirely crafted. Not even supermodels manage to conform to these beauty standards without resorting to modifications.
Step 2. Keep a journal
It can help you spot unnecessary thought patterns. Remember that stress and anxiety can affect the way you see and live yourself, so it is likely that you will be flooded with more negative thoughts when you are tired and frustrated. Write in your journal when you struggle with negative thoughts or feelings about your physical appearance. Be as specific as you can. Here are some questions that will help you:
- What thoughts or feelings did you have?
- What were you doing or what were you focused on just before?
- What happened immediately before and immediately after?
- Why do you think they manifested?
- How do you think you can react differently in the future?
Step 3. Be grateful
Gratitude is more than a feeling, it is a habit. Research has shown that people who routinely express gratitude in daily life are happier and more optimistic than those who are not grateful. Focus on the positive things in your life to gain self-confidence.
- Recognize and reflect on pleasant moments. It is easy for the mind to ignore positive information because it is always on the hunt for negative aspects. The next time a friend compliments you or you happen to feel in great shape, stop for a moment and savor this experience.
- Focus on how you feel when you are aware of these pleasant moments. Which senses come into play? How do you feel your body? What are you thinking about? Reflecting on these aspects can help you remember these situations more intensely in the future.
Step 4. Dress effectively
It is very common for people to feel physically insecure, if not ashamed of their body. You will likely dress in a certain way to hide embarrassing spots or because you feel you don't "measure up" to wearing different attire. You may be tempted to wait until you have an "ideal" body before purchasing a seductive dress. This behavior damages your self-esteem. Buy clothes that look good on your physical figure, just as it is. Wear clothing that makes you feel beautiful, regardless of what any external standard dictates.
- Research has shown that what you wear can affect your confidence. For example, one study carried out an experiment where it found that people who wore a lab coat while performing a simple scientific assignment were more confident and performed better than those who did not wear it., although the work was the same for everyone! When you get dressed, if you feel attractive and confident, others will notice too.
- The way you dress affects your mood. For example, actors often say that costumes help discover the characters they play. Dress to express the "personality" you intend to have.
- Find clothing that fits your body. Studies have shown that when people wear clothes that fit their physique, others are more likely to find them attractive.
- Wear what makes you happy. If you like to dress up in makeup, don't hesitate! If you feel happier wearing comfortable sweatpants, do it!
Step 5. Take care of your body
The body does not have to conform to any model. Consider why you eat a particular diet and take care of yourself. Avoid acting in a certain way because you deem it "indispensable" to conform to the standards imposed by society. By eating well, exercising and following healthy habits, you can feel beautiful and remember that you are respecting yourself because you are a person who deserves care and attention.
- Work out. Physical activity produces chemicals that naturally lift the mood and are called endorphins. Regular, moderate exercise - whether it's running, swimming, or even gardening - can also make you feel more energetic and positive. However, be careful not to use an "obsessive" approach, otherwise you may actually be causing yourself more harm than good on a psychological level. Think about taking care of your health because you love yourself.
- Eat well. Nutrition can actually affect mood. Make sure you include plenty of fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean proteins in your diet. If you find that you don't feel good about yourself after eating something, consider why. You could avoid that type of dish or teach yourself a new way to react to it. And remember: everything in moderation, including moderation! If you're really craving a slice of peach pie, it's not a problem if you indulge yourself.
- Pamper yourself. Take a warm bath, manicure, or massage. Appreciate that you deserve healthy treatment.
- Get enough sleep. When you don't sleep well, you end up experiencing symptoms that belong to anxiety, depression, obesity and irritability. Make sure you get enough sleep for your body to get the rest it needs.
Method 3 of 3: Interacting with Other People
Step 1. Surround yourself with understanding people
Human beings are very sensitive to "emotional contagion", which occurs when we relate to the emotions of those around us, beginning to feel their own sensations. In other words, there is a greater propensity to feel the same feelings as those close to us. Researchers found that support, compassion and kindness from others affect our brains and sense of well-being. Therefore, surround yourself with friends and loved ones who support each other and don't judge others based on superficial and contrived concepts.
Ask for a hug! Physical contact with the people you love produces oxytocin, a powerful hormone that promotes interpersonal bonds, also able to lift the mood
Step 2. Tell others when your feelings are hurt
Some people may make abusive comments about your appearance without even realizing they are being disrespectful. Others may say hurtful things, driven by their insecurity. Defend yourself when these things happen. Calmly explain to those in front of you how they hurt your feelings and ask them not to continue. If it doesn't stop, avoid it. You don't have to put up with the judgments or bad things of others.
Unfortunately, it is very common for those who take a
Step 3. Ask for support
Even if you don't need anyone's approval to be beautiful, it can help to feel the love and support of the people you trust and love. Talk about how you feel with a trusted friend or loved one. Ask her if she has had a similar experience. Maybe you can support and encourage each other.
Step 4. Be kind to others
By practicing being understanding towards others, you can feel stronger and happier. The next time you experience negative feelings about your physical appearance, try saying something kind to someone else. Tell him what you hope to hear yourself. The kindness you use towards others could also be contagious, leading you to be kind to yourself.
As it turns out, beauty is not based solely on the outward appearance. Studies have shown that kind people are more likely to be considered physically attractive than those who are not. Other research has shown those who appear to have strong empathy are more likely to be seen as sexually attractive
Step 5. Simulate
If you delay living your life until you are sure you "feel" beautiful, you run the risk of waiting a long time. The mind is very good at convincing you of the goodness of criticisms and judgments. Get used to acting like you already feel beautiful. As a result, you will actually be able to "simulate until you can".
- For example, if you are concerned about your physical image, buy a dress that you would like to wear but are not sure about. Put it on when you go somewhere. Repeat a constructive phrase to yourself, such as, "I am strong and beautiful. This dress enhances my natural beauty and makes me feel good."
- Assess your state of mind. How do you feel about telling yourself that you feel pretty good? Did a certain experience give you positive feelings?
- Observe the reactions of others. You will likely expect criticism or even disastrous analysis. No doubt it is possible that some people will judge you. However, you may be surprised to find that when you tell yourself that you are worthy of being loved and accepted, others will accept you too.
Step 6. Talk to a therapist
Sometimes, the pressure to conform to society's standards of beauty can cause deep wounds. It can also produce diseases, such as eating disorders. If you are having a hard time defeating negative thoughts about your physical appearance, a counselor or therapist can help you and teach you how to fight unnecessary mental patterns to find a way to live a healthy and happy life.>
- Eating disorders are on the rise. For example, more than 30 million people in the United States suffer from at least one eating disorder. If you find yourself unattractive or dissatisfied with your physical appearance, be aware that you run the risk of developing an eating disorder. These are serious diseases that require medical and psychological treatment.
- If you experience frequent depressive episodes, you feel guilty about eating something or, because of your physical appearance, you consider yourself "fat" and unable to control what you eat, you are obsessed with the kind or amount of food you eat, or you are worried about gaining weight, seek help from a mental health professional immediately.
Advice
- Remember that society's ideal of beauty is not realistic, but unattainable even by actors and supermodels. Don't judge yourself based on any kind of stereotype.
- Leave small "love notes" for yourself around the house. Write constructive phrases on sticky notes and stick them on the mirror, wardrobe or headboard - wherever you can see them throughout the day.
