Forgiveness is difficult. Admitting that there is a problem, and therefore coming to a solution, takes time, patience and courage. When we have to forgive ourselves for what we have done, this process can be even more complicated. Therefore, forgiveness is by no means an easy path. However, by learning to become aware of who you are and to understand that life is a journey, not a race, you too will be able to forgive yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Learn to Forgive Yourself
Step 1. Understand why you need to forgive yourself
When you acknowledge you've made a mistake, you may feel guilty and need to forgive yourself. In these cases, the memories of the past could give you this sense of discomfort. To find the source of these feelings, ask yourself:
- Do I feel this way because the consequences of my behavior make me feel bad?
- Do I feel this way why am I to blame for all the bad things that happened?
Step 2. Accept that failures don't make you a bad person
Everyone can make mistakes in life. Don't think that by failing at something - whether it's a job or a relationship - you become a bad person. As Bill Gates said, "It's okay to celebrate success, but it's more important to pay attention to the lessons we learn when we make mistakes." Learning from your mistakes is the first step towards forgiving yourself.
Step 3. Don't be afraid to start over
To be able to forgive yourself, you don't have to be afraid of starting from scratch. Learning to grant yourself forgiveness does not only mean learning to live with your past, but to treasure experiences. Therefore, take what you have learned and apply it in your life to improve yourself.
Step 4. Adopt a new mindset by learning from past mistakes
One way to move on is to smooth out some aspects of your character based on what life experiences have taught you.
- Set goals for the future that will help improve your thinking and make it stronger. Such a look into the future will allow you to forgive yourself today and focus on the positive changes you are able to make.
- When you feel guilty, remember the words of Les Brown: "Forgive your flaws and mistakes, then move on". They will help you whenever you make a mistake.
Part 2 of 5: Leaving the Past Behind
Step 1. Realize that no one is perfect
You should forgive yourself even if you have behaved badly towards someone else. First, keep in mind that you have nothing to blame for the actions of others. We all make mistakes and go through moments in life when we don't behave well. If you become aware of this, you will take the first step that will lead you to improve.
Step 2. Don't dwell on past mistakes
It's helpful to treasure it, but if you linger too long, you won't be able to forgive yourself. This attitude may prevent you from being aware of the present. You may find yourself in an impasse and find that you are obsessed with what you did or didn't do. Instead, focus on the present and how you can take action in the future to improve your life.
Step 3. Plan a bright future today so as not to be suffocated by the past
Consider taking an approach to life that leads you to "solve problems and move on". If an encounter painfully relives something that happened in the past, focus on what you can control.
Try to solve the problems you know you can handle and try to let go of everything else. You shouldn't keep repeating the same mistakes
Step 4. Learn to be aware
Being aware of your actions can help you recover. If you have a strong sense of self and carry out everything you decide to do with knowledge of the facts, you have the opportunity to build a better future and forgive yourself for attitudes or reactions you have assumed in the past.
Step 5. Analyze your past decisions
It is not wise to dwell on mistakes, but you have to learn from mistakes to move forward in the healthiest way.
- One way to forgive yourself is first of all to identify the factors, or causes, from which emotions arise. If you can understand how you have behaved from the start, then you can change your perspective on the future.
- Ask yourself, "What did I do the first time and what can I do now to prevent the same result from happening?"
Step 6. Recognize situations in which you feel strong emotions
This way you will be able to clearly identify the circumstances in which you feel uncomfortable. Once the situation is identified, it will be easier to plan a solution. Ask yourself:
- Do I feel anxious or guilty when I approach my boss?
- Do I experience strong negative emotions when talking to my partner?
- Does being together with my parents make me feel angry or nervous?
Part 3 of 5: Show forgiveness to yourself and others
Step 1. Welcome the people into your life
As the philosopher Derrida once said: "Forgiveness is often confused with similar aspects, sometimes in a calculated way: apologies, regrets, amnesty, prescription, etc."..
- Forgiveness is a two-way street. You probably won't come to forgive yourself if you don't learn to forgive others. Therefore, you shouldn't kick people out of your life if you want to have all the support you need to give yourself forgiveness.
- Talk to the people you love to find support as you go out of your way to forgive yourself.
Step 2. Develop a solution or plan
To absolve yourself of something, you must be aware of the mistakes to be forgiven. By writing a precise plan down to the smallest detail, you will be able to reflect on what is important and you will have an orderly set of mistakes for which you need to apologize to yourself or someone else. Take the following into consideration when looking for a solution to ask for forgiveness:
- Affirm or apologize using direct language. Don't go around the problem. Try saying directly, "I'm sorry" or "Forgive me?". You shouldn't be ambiguous or be false.
- Try to figure out how you can actually find a solution. If you are going to apologize to someone, think about actions that can help you remedy the situation. If forgiveness is about yourself, ask yourself what steps you need to take to move forward in life wisely.
- Promise yourself and others that you will do everything to perform better in the future. It makes no sense to apologize if words are not followed by facts. Make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes.
Step 3. Apologize to people
If you ask them for forgiveness, you will feel better about yourself.
Sometimes, by clarifying the situation, it is possible to solve a problem. In this way you will also have the opportunity to make it clear that in your eyes the problem had taken on greater proportions than it actually was. It has been shown that asking for forgiveness can lead to more positive outcomes and stronger relationships
Part 4 of 5: Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
Step 1. Be honest with yourself about your behavior
Before you can fully forgive, you need to acknowledge what you have done.
It may be helpful to write down the actions that cause strong feelings. By doing this, you will be able to identify concrete examples of why you have negative feelings about yourself
Step 2. Stop rationalizing and start taking responsibility for what you say and do
One way to be honest with yourself is to accept the consequences of your actions. If you have said or done something wrong, you need to take responsibility for your behavior before granting yourself forgiveness.
- One way to achieve this is to get rid of stress. The more you hold it, the more damage you will do to yourself.
- Sometimes stress can cause you to release pent-up anger and harm yourself as much as the people around you, but if you forgive yourself, the anger will disappear, and all the negative things with it. As a result, you will be more focused and better prepared to view reality positively rather than negatively.
Step 3. Accept the guilt you feel
Accepting responsibility for one's actions is one thing, but understanding the emotions that accompany them is another. Feeling strong emotions, such as guilt, is not only a common experience for everyone, but also good. The sense of guilt, in fact, encourages you to work hard for yourself and others.
- You may feel guilty about what you think. You have likely wished people pain or misfortune at times or felt a desire to satisfy some carnal pleasure or your greed.
- If you are plagued by these feelings of guilt, know that they are quite common. Yours can also depend on strong emotions. Therefore, it is best to face them and recognize why you feel this way. Only in this way will you be able to forgive yourself.
- Probably because of your guilt feelings you will judge yourself (or judge others) very severely. You could dump on yourself and other people what you feel or you could accuse them of your insecurities, exacerbating your feelings of guilt.
- If you find yourself accusing someone, take a step back and try to figure out why. It could be helpful on your path of self-forgiveness.
- You may feel guilty about someone else's behavior. It is not uncommon for a couple to experience this feeling due to their partner's conduct. Therefore, you may feel responsible for the actions or insecurities of those around you.
- You need to identify the regions you feel this way about so that you can see if you need to forgive yourself or another person.
Step 4. Recognize your values and principles
Before granting yourself forgiveness, you need to identify the things that mean something to you and in which you believe. Think for a moment about how you might remedy behaviors you feel guilty about and how you might change the situation. The way you act could be based on a system of religious or cultural beliefs.
Step 5. Analyze your needs versus your desires
When you feel a sense of inadequacy, one way to forgive yourself is to understand what you feel is necessary in your life in relation to what you want.
Determine what your most concrete needs are - such as a home, food and social needs - and compare them with what you most crave - a nicer car, a bigger house, a better physique. By identifying your needs in relation to your desires, you will realize that perhaps you have been too hard on yourself or that you may not be able to control every aspect of reality
Part 5 of 5: Test Yourself to Do Good
Step 1. Become a better person by setting yourself personal challenges
In order not to find yourself in a situation of doubts and feelings of guilt, put in place small challenges that allow you to improve personally.
You can do this by developing a monthly schedule that covers an aspect you want to improve. By committing to something for a month - for example, keeping track of your calorie consumption - you will begin to acquire habits that will lead you to progress. You will come to forgive yourself through constructive attitudes
Step 2. Work on any flaws you have noticed you have
Try to make a personal assessment to understand what are the tools you need to improve.
For example, if you feel guilty about putting something off, make a to-do list and try to stick to it. It is important to identify the aspects that are under your control. This exercise will allow you to forgive yourself through personal progress
Step 3. Become aware of yourself
Self-awareness is the ability to predict the consequences of one's actions. By reflecting on yourself and your actions, you will be able to become a better person while at the same time setting moral rules for yourself. You can come to this realization by highlighting your strengths, observing your reactions to situations and expressing the emotions you feel.
Advice
- Instead of thinking about the past, focus on the present and prepare for the future. Remember not to lock yourself in the past! You are a fantastic and beautiful person! Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on!
- Think about how you have forgiven others in the past. Take advantage of these experiences and apply what you have learned in various situations in life. The reassuring aspect is that you know you have the ability to forgive, so you just have to channel it in the right direction.
- The mistakes of the past have most likely made you the person you are today. So, don't consider them as simple mistakes, but as life lessons.
- The mistakes you make don't define who you are. Believe in the fact that you are a wonderful person. Think of all the monstrous mistakes made by normal or good people and from whom they have learned. You will find that yours aren't that bad!
- The people we are are the result of the good and bad things that happen to us in life, as well as the good and bad things we have done. How we react to negative events is as important as how we react to happier ones. A person who tends to mull over and overstate a bad event will be more likely to live with anger and resentment and expect a negative future than someone who sees pitfalls as isolated incidents that don't affect their way of being.
- Forgiving yourself and others does not mean forgetting the past. It means canceling all resentment within oneself, even if the memory remains. It is comparable to grieving.
- Life goes on, so forgive and forget.
- Forgive anyone who does you wrong and, hopefully in the future, he will understand that his actions were wrong, reconciling himself with both you and himself. Go on because life is too precious to be lived in bitterness.
- Get a stress reliever. When you start feeling guilty, use it.
- Another great way to forgive yourself is to help others. By doing so, you will feel so much compassion for them that you will erase your guilt. Remember not to think about the mistakes you have made, because life is too short to be lived with pain.
Warnings
- Don't hang out with people who recall your past in a negative way. Get away from all those who irritate you, underestimate you or belittle you and who do not consider your vulnerability.
- Avoid talking about your mistakes and putting yourself in a bad light with other people. They will be convinced too. Go to therapy to get these negative thoughts out of your mind and stop being swayed.
- Stay away from people who keep you from improving. Most of the time they are focused on their insecurities and see those who manage to overcome the hostilities of life as a threat. Accept that in some cases, by forgiving yourself, you risk losing some relationship where negativity was a source of power the other person exercised over you. Ask yourself if you'd rather continue to have an unhappy relationship or move on to become a new person who is capable of establishing healthier relationships.
- Knowing how to forgive is a very difficult quality to cultivate, but one of the most important. By learning to forgive both yourself and others, you will take a big step forward in your personal growth - a reward that will repay you for all your efforts.
