Were you a victim of abuse as a child or as a teenager? Whether it was your father or mother's fault, this article will give you tips for dealing with both of your parents. Once you have forgiven, you will finally feel relief.
In any case, do not take them into consideration if it is at this moment that you are enduring physical or emotional abuse from your family, because otherwise you risk making the situation worse. Forgiving your parents for the pain they are causing you, pretending that nothing is happening, can cause even more mental damage.
This article is meant for those who have suffered in the past, and this bad stage in life is now over. It will serve to find peace in oneself, closing the chapter forever.
Steps
Step 1. Accept your parent's weakness and try to understand that at some point in their life, they are likely to have suffered abuse themselves
Maybe he thought it was all normal, but you know it's not. Today, you must live your life in the best way there is to protect yourself and your children. You probably thought when you were little that you would love your children and never do anything to hurt them. Now you can put those thoughts into action. Unfortunately, however, surely your parents treated you badly because they themselves had lived a difficult childhood, and did not know how to behave differently. They may not have been raised in a peaceful environment and have had no role models, have not received affection and protection. As a result, they projected that same education onto you. They haven't learned to forgive, forget and correct the way they grew up.
Step 2. Remember the pleasant moments
A parent does not always behave badly with their children, surely you can find pleasant moments in your mind. Maybe he showed a negative attitude when he was emotionally and mentally troubled by something, in a state of turmoil. As a child, it is understandable to forgive easily, but you can do it even now. Don't forget that he gave you life and that deep down you always loved him. Whenever your mind makes you rethink what it did to you, cancel it all with a good memory. By now you are in the present, you have survived the worst.
Step 3. Let go of the old wounds and blame you have attributed to this parent
Ask yourself where the pain is taking you and why you keep holding it inside. Remember that it is human and normal that the memories of your suppression will come back. Relax and, every day, sit in a quiet place for a few minutes. Feel what you are feeling and let go of the emotions you have inside of you. Compliment yourself for what you have achieved in your life. Even the negative moments eventually allowed you to become who you are now and to understand that you will continue to survive.
Step 4. Remember that each of us is just passing through this planet
Life is short, and there is no point in holding a grudge forever. It is of no use to you to lock yourself in the shell that you have matured over the years. Everything will pass, and the best you can do is savor the present. Don't let old sufferings ruin the rest of your life. Keep improving yourself to have a better future.
Step 5. Work on yourself to develop your strength, and mature it whenever negative thoughts and memories appear
Focus on what you can do to improve your life and that of the people you care about. Become a role model for your children. If you don't know how to do it, live in the present and recognize that it can change, the important thing is to let the positivity flow. It will be natural for you to offer a different example.
Step 6. Things won't change if you don't change
And, to be able to forgive someone, you must first forgive yourself and eliminate the guilt and anger you feel. Forgiveness is a strength and will allow you to improve yourself, without rethinking who has abused you. Forgive yourself and stop blaming yourself.
Step 7. Question everything this person has taught you
It will be normal to do this if you remember his behavior and his words. Many parents sabotage their children's lives in ways that persist and last far longer than the abuse itself. Now you have to try to forgive and move on, but before you can, acknowledge everything you need to get rid of. Take a cue from the ideas of happy people, and see how they can smile, laugh, or behave calmly. Filter what you see and apply it to your particular situation, do it to improve yourself. The most lasting damage is that left by the half-truths and negative views on life that this parent of yours passed on to you. There are beliefs such as "The line between hate and love is always thin" that can become fixed in the mind, prompting you to behave in this way even with the people who are currently part of your life. Remove them and eliminate them from your existence. Leave them alone, recover your inner strength, be optimistic and try again.
Step 8. The hardest question to ask yourself?
You may be wondering if you follow your parent's example, if you treat people the same way. Observe your behavior and, if yes, be inspired by people who were raised in loving homes. Imitate their attitude in the various situations you will find yourself in. It is possible to turn yourself into a happy individual. It takes effort, but the results will be amazing, often better than you imagine.
Step 9. If it's been so many years since the abuse, but all of a sudden they start nagging you again, think back to your current life
Ask yourself if that same situation is occurring in other areas of your daily life. Your boss, partner, friend, or new acquaintance could trigger this reaction. Sometimes it's a wake-up call in your current relationships, in other cases it's nothing serious, but your history pushes you to expect the worst. Now, however, there is a big difference: now you can stand up and ask for help from people who are not involved and who come from healthier family backgrounds.
Step 10. Build good self-esteem and forget
You have to actually forget the unhappiness of that time and recognize that your life has changed, it's just a memory. Check the triggers and change your beliefs. The worst is over, you can use your strength to acquire new behaviors and fully control your existence.
Advice
- Write to us, talk about it often. The pain you feel will be like a demon that will darken your interior. It will push you to make yourself small in the corner, like a neglected child. You have to express it. Either way, don't let it make you feel bad, like you have no value. Listen to it. The more you do this, the more likely you are to get rid of it. Keep trying, don't give up. It will take time, but it will eventually disappear.
- Remember that continuing to feel anger towards this parent will only harm you. He will sleep between two pillows, while you will be angry and depressed.
- This decision must be taken with determination. If you and your parent are at loggerheads, a bad fight can rekindle all the old resentment. Don't let that happen, or it will only prevent you from improving the relationship.
- Sometimes contacting this parent (or the non-abusive parent) is helpful. You have to understand each other and rediscover your affection. In any case, if he will continue with the abuse, it is better to end all relationships than to start suffering again.
Warnings
- Don't use these methods to forgive a parent who still abuses you. Only use them if you are emotionally and physically safe for the long term right now, and nothing like this will ever happen again.
- Forgiving your parents does not mean completely ignoring the fact that they have abused you. You need to remember that they made a mistake and forgive them for your own good, period.
- Make sure you don't perpetuate the cycle of abuse. If you have never received affection from your parents and have children, consult a therapist and support group to learn how to become the best father possible. There are also free courses to do this: find out in your city and don't wait.
- If you find yourself repeating the same mistakes as your parents, take some time to think about it and ask for help. Admit that you need to think and improve the situation.
