It is not always true the saying that goes: "By beating me you can also hurt me, but with words you can never hurt me". If someone has insulted or mortified you, their comments can affect you heavily. Learn to forget the offenses received by reducing the power they can exert over you, fueling your self-esteem and healing your wounds.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Offenses
Step 1. Don't take them seriously
Words belong to whoever utters them, not to whoever receives them. Sometimes, those who are sick may throw up all their frustration on you by hurting you with words. It can happen: often he does it without thinking and later he may even regret it.
If someone offends you, try to remember that they are probably in pain. Understand this instead of taking his comment personally
Step 2. Be forgiving
If someone hurts you, respond politely by showing sympathy for them, but without justifying their behavior. Whether or not she realizes that she has offended you, this reaction could take her off guard and cause her to stop and reflect on the negative effect of her words.
For example, try to answer: "I am shocked to hear such a good person utter such callous words."
Step 3. Give yourself some time to let off some steam
Instead of mulling over the humiliations received, try to temper the negative emotions. Give yourself time to grieve, then forget about it.
For example, take a few hours or even a few days to review what he said to you. Program a timer for about 10 minutes. Reflect on how you felt after he insulted you and acknowledge your pain. When the time is up, put aside what happened and forget about it
Step 4. Write down the words on a sheet of paper and destroy it
If you are a very pragmatic person, you could reduce the power of the offenses received by destroying them materially. Write them on a piece of paper, then tear off the paper and burn the pieces in a fireplace or erase the words with a pencil or pen.
Step 5. Replace outrages with positive remarks
Neutralize the negative impact of insults received by replacing them with reassuring words. It is an effective method because it pushes you to eliminate the insult from your mind immediately, leaving room for more constructive and heartening encouragement.
For example, if someone told you "You are ugly", you might think, "There is no such person in the whole world as I am. I am unique and special."
Part 2 of 3: Rebuilding Trust in Yourself
Step 1. Use words to get stronger
From what point of view did this situation put you to the test? Evaluate the offenses suffered and try to direct them towards something more profitable. Ask yourself why they hurt you and how you can fix it.
For example, if someone has told you "You are weak" and you are convinced of it, you may be sorry or angry. However, if you react by learning to defend yourself or by strengthening your way of thinking and reasoning, you will avoid suffering again if you hear the same words again
Step 2. Use your experiences and outlook on life to help others
Usually, verbal offenses stem from pain or insecurity. Consider what the disrespectful person is going through and consider if you can intervene in any way to help them. You can also improve your self-esteem by connecting with someone who has been hurt by cruel or outrageous words and offering them your support.
Step 3. Prioritize your judgment
Your self-confidence will always falter if you let yourself be influenced by the considerations of others. Stop giving too much weight to what people think of you. Rather, what matters is your opinion.
For example, if someone says to you "You will never do anything good", but you don't really believe it, remember what you think and say to yourself: "That's not true. I think I'm destined for great things in life"
Step 4. Get things done to feel more confident
The perception of your image and your abilities is closely linked to your self-esteem. You can increase it by posing more challenges. Think of a goal or task you want to accomplish, then divide it into smaller goals to be achieved one at a time.
- For example, if you want to be financially independent, you might start looking for a job and later find an affordable home based on your earnings. So, you can open a savings account or invest in stocks that improve your economic position over time.
- By gradually reaching each milestone, you will feel more confident and more and more convinced that you can face new challenges.
Step 5. Breathe deeply and repeat an encouraging phrase
If you breathe deeply, you will be able to relax. Coupled with a positive affirmation, this exercise can help you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities.
For example, you might take a deep breath through your nose and think, "I bring in my self-confidence and self-esteem." Hold the air for a few seconds and then expel it as you think, "I drive out negativity and doubt"
Part 3 of 3: Recovering from Verbal Offenses
Step 1. Learn to love yourself every day
When you neglect emotional well-being, you are more prone to being hurt by stinging words. Counter negative comments or behavior from people by treating yourself with affection and kindness. This attitude can materialize in various things. Make a list of your favorite activities and engage in some of them every day.
For example, you might love cooking, walking your dog along a lake, or meditating before bed
Step 2. Learn from experiences
There is always something to learn from a conflict situation or painful experience. Once you have had the time to distance yourself from the initial pain, try to reflect on what happened. Here are some things to consider:
- What could have happened that was so bad in the other person's life or in your relationship that it caused them to offend and mortify you?
- Was there something true in his words that you could treasure, even if he uttered them by attacking you or without any understanding?
- If someone talks to you like this in the future, are you able to deal with the situation better?
Step 3. Surround yourself with positive people
Positive people feed positive feelings, while negative people affect you negatively. So, spend less time with people who criticize or despise you and choose to be more in touch with those who can support you and value your contribution.
Step 4. Do whatever you like
A great way to recover from offense and provocation is to engage in enjoyable activities. Cultivate a hobby, join an association or revive the old passions of yesteryear. Give more space in your daily and weekly planner to the things that make you smile.
For example, you might learn something new and become passionate about it, teaching in a field you are very knowledgeable about, or simply learning more about a manual activity, such as sewing or gardening
Step 5. Make yourself useful
Try to heal your emotional wounds by doing some good deed. Improve your relationships with the people in your life.
- Interact with your loved ones in a positive way by appreciating their presence and highlighting the goodness you see in them. For example, you could say: "Enrico, you are so helpful. I don't know what I would do without you."
- You can also do some kind gestures towards others, such as helping a neighbor with the maintenance of his garden or buying lunch for a colleague who always helps you out. You can also volunteer to help in the community you live in or make a donation to a charity.
Step 6. Keep a journal to better understand your moods
By writing what you think, you will be able to clarify your inner world. Also, by putting the nastiest comments on paper, you will avoid carrying them as a burden. So, make it a habit to regularly update your diary.
