We all care. Money, health and relationships are at the heart of our daily concerns, not to mention the people we love. However, beyond certain limits, worries not only lead to nothing, they are not healthy either. In fact, they risk making us lose control, causing stress, anxiety, lack of sleep and other health problems. If you find that you are constantly worried about yourself or your loved ones, there are several solutions you can use. By stopping your alarmism, you will have the opportunity to lead a more peaceful life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Managing Concerns in the Immediate
Step 1. List everything that worries you
As soon as you get anxious, write it down on a piece of paper. Think, "I don't have time to look after this now. I'll write it down and think about it later." Then find the right time and place to reflect on your personal problems or those that affect the people you love. Once you write down every thought on your list, you won't forget it.
Step 2. Establish a time frame in which to give free rein to your worries
Choose the right place and time to think about the most unpleasant things that could happen. Allow yourself the freedom every day to focus on everything that haunts you in a well-defined period of time: it is the moment dedicated to your worries. What you think is up to you. You don't have to censor or limit yourself. It doesn't matter if your thoughts will be useful or not.
- If you are pestered during the day by an unpleasant thought about you or your family, try to put it aside. You can think about it later, during the time dedicated to your worries. With a little practice it will be easier.
- You should focus on what is bothering you around the same time (for example, 4:30 pm to 5:00 pm).
- Don't do this late at night, or you will start to get anxious before falling asleep.
- Once the time is up, you should stop worrying. Get up and focus on something else to take your mind off everything that is bothering you.
Step 3. Keep busy
When you start to worry about what might happen, check out the to-do list. Failing that, get this habit. Enter your daily goals and everything you need to do to accomplish them.
- Start with simple tasks, like cooking dinner or doing laundry.
- Try focusing on one task at a time.
Part 2 of 3: Addressing Concerns
Step 1. Improve your ability to tolerate suffering
Basically, you have to learn to handle the most difficult, unpleasant, or painful emotions. Think about how you might react when you imagine something bad in your family: do you panic and frantically try to chase away anxiety and fear? Do you run away from what you are feeling or do you repress it? Are you engaging in destructive behavior? By raising the tolerance threshold for suffering, you will be more likely to manage discomfort and discouragement in a balanced way.
- In fact, worries can be a way to avoid the most distressing emotions. Fearing something bad about your family, you are actually just distracting yourself from what you are feeling on an emotional level. Your worry can help you take your mind off anxiety about anything you are unable to control.
- Learn to comfort yourself in the face of difficulties. When you are worried about your family, try to understand what you can do to better tolerate the emotional burden. This doesn't mean you have to run away from what you're feeling, but make it less intense so you can handle it.
- For example, try exercising, dancing, cleaning the house, listening to relaxing songs, observing some artwork or something beautiful, playing with your dog, doing a puzzle or game, watching your favorite TV show, doing volunteer, take a hot shower or bath, pray, read a book, laugh, sing, go to a pleasant and relaxing place.
- In between everything you do, start noticing what makes you feel better and what worse (like binge eating, isolating yourself in your room, and so on).
Step 2. Learn to accept uncertainties
People often believe that worries bring benefits: for example, if they are very attentive to everything that could happen to the family, they think they can protect it from all dangers. Unfortunately, that's not always true: worries don't make life more predictable. Rather, they lead you to waste time and energy, because you can never know 100% what will happen in life.
- Realize that by imagining the worst-case scenarios ("What if my dad gets cancer and dies?", "What happens if my plane crashes?"), You can't stop them from happening.
- Ask yourself: is it possible to be sure of everything in life? Is it helpful to constantly think that something unpleasant may happen? Does it stop me from enjoying the present? I can accept the idea that there is a very small chance that something bad will occur, but is it actually that low?
Step 3. Get used to it
Basically, you should get used to or adjust to your worries. Imagine for half an hour everything that scares you (for example, your family decimated by an accident) and accept all the feelings you feel instead of ignoring them or running away.
- The goal is to relieve and accept anxiety. This way you will begin to make a distinction between the problems you can solve and those you have no control over.
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Ask yourself the following questions, suggested by HelpGuide.org:
- Is my problem something I'm already dealing with or is it my imagination? If the second hypothesis is correct, how likely is it that it will occur?
- Is this a real concern?
- Can I do something to fix or prepare for this problem, or is it out of my control?
- If you realize there is nothing you can do to avert the danger of your family being injured or exterminated in a car accident (or any other concern), learn to accept the uncertainty of the situation. Remember that worrying does not lead to anything concrete. Fearing a car accident, you won't stop it from happening.
- If you believe the problem is solvable, try to narrow it down, think about possible solutions and come up with an action plan to start doing something concrete, instead of simply worrying.
Step 4. Consult a therapist
The decision to speak to a mental health professional does not have to be a fallback. It can be really helpful to talk about your personal worries or fears you have about your family with someone who is unrelated to your problem. Look for a therapist in your city who offers their services at reduced rates and make an appointment.
Step 5. Let the tears flow
There is nothing better than a good cry to get rid of negative emotions. According to some research, once you stop crying, your heart rate drops, breathing is slower, and you enter a state of relaxation, which usually lasts longer than the time spent crying. So if you're so worried about your family that you can't help but cry, don't hesitate.
- Cry alone or with a friend.
- Make sure you are in an appropriate place (embarrassment will not help you).
Step 6. Call a friend
Friends can give you great support, because they offer you other points of view and help you put your thoughts in order. They also allow you to understand whether the fears about you or your family are rational or not. By externalizing your worries to someone, you will realize that your anxiety will begin to subside.
- It can be helpful to stay in touch with someone, for example by calling a friend every week.
- If you are unable to call him, write him an email.
Part 3 of 3: Making Lifestyle Changes
Step 1. Reduce Stress
Even if you can't radically eliminate it from your life, you do have the opportunity to take some steps to lessen the factors that trigger it.
- Learn to say "no". Don't agree to go to dinner with a friend when you know you'll be working late because you have to meet a deadline. Don't get involved in another project when you are already fully immersed in yours. Learn to distinguish what you "must" do from what you think you "must" do.
- Change your habits. Do you arrive at work already stressed by the traffic? Find an alternative route, take the train, or try to get out before home to avoid getting stuck in traffic jams. Identify the small changes you can make in daily life and in various situations to avoid accumulating unnecessary stress.
- Spend less time with people who are unnerving you. You may not have the ability to permanently eliminate them from your life - like your mother, your supervisor, or a colleague - but try to limit your contact with them as much as possible. Tell your mother that you will call her once a week, because you are too busy to talk to her every day. If you can, avoid a colleague who puts you under severe strain. Find a valid justification for loosening relationships.
Step 2. Meditate
Meditating does not mean sitting with an empty mind. On the contrary, it consists in seeing one's thoughts come and go, without making judgments whatsoever. By practicing meditation for a few minutes a day, you can significantly reduce your anxiety about things that might happen to you.
- Try to sit in a comfortable place, breathing deeply.
- During your meditation exercises, imagine your every thought as a bubble floating outside of you and exploding from the ceiling.
- It may also be helpful to follow a guided meditation.
Step 3. Eat chocolate
A tasty treat is a great distraction from worries. Additionally, chocolate has been shown to lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone that causes anxiety symptoms). The substances contained in dark chocolate can actually improve mood.
Step 4. Get enough sleep
If you are continually worried about your family, rest may be easier said than done. However, if you stay up late at night, you risk fueling anxiety. People who go to bed earlier have been shown to be less vulnerable to the onslaught of anxious thoughts. Try going to bed a little earlier.
Adults should sleep seven to nine every night, teenagers need eight to ten of sleep, while school-age children should rest for nine to eleven hours
Step 5. Learn to show your gratitude
If you fear that something unpleasant might happen to you or your family, it means that you love yourself and love your loved ones! In other words, you have a lot to be thankful for!
- Whenever you are worried, stop and think about five things to be grateful for.
- Here are some examples: family, health, a beautiful sunny day, your moments of freedom or a succulent dish.
