Everyone asks you when are you planning to start a family and is it starting to bother you? If a family member is asking the question, it can be more difficult to deal with, as you may feel compelled to give an answer. However, it is up to you and your partner to decide when you intend to discuss your family plans. If you are not ready yet, try to change the subject or give an indirect answer. More simply, you could be telling the truth and that would likely end any questioning.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Change Speech
Step 1. Change the subject when someone asks if you are planning to have children
Act quickly: you may seem abrupt, but if you do it consistently, your family will understand that you don't want to talk about the subject.
- For example, if someone mentions the matter, you could divert attention by saying: "Did you hear that your aunt had a new grandchild? It's really adorable!”.
- Otherwise, you can throw yourself into a discussion about some celebrity's baby bump, asking the person in question if they think the actress is really pregnant or just got fat. Turn the situation to your advantage with a fun and light topic, in order to shift the attention away from you.
Step 2. Step away if the theme of children arises
Before anyone in the family can ask you a question, get up with the excuse that you have other things to do. Make this move as soon as the topic is introduced, so as to avoid being asked questions about it.
You could say, for example, "Excuse me, but I have to get away for a moment."
Step 3. Say you prefer not to answer the question
Sometimes it is necessary to establish boundaries with one's family in a firm but gentle way. Tell them you'd rather not answer the question, then change the subject.
- You could thank the person in question for asking you the question, then say you'd rather not answer for now.
- Otherwise try saying something like, "I know you are only interested in our family, but my partner and I have decided not to talk about it until we have determined whether or not we are ready to have children."
Step 4. Make a common front with your partner
Plan what you mean in advance. In this way you will not end up offending some family member because you have told them that you do not intend to talk about the subject, while your partner is explaining the details of the matter to someone else.
In general it is better to opt for privacy. That is: perhaps one of you would like to openly discuss your family projects with some relatives, while the other would like to maintain confidentiality. In this case, perhaps it is better to indulge the person who wants more privacy
Method 2 of 3: Provide Indirect Answers
Step 1. Let the person know that the question does not put you at ease
In this way you will let your feelings shine through and it will be easier for the other person to understand. Responding in this way will close the door to similar conversations in the future.
For example, you might reply that you appreciate his interest in your family, but that you think it is a personal matter between you and your partner, so the question makes you a little uncomfortable
Step 2. Work out a vague but socially acceptable answer to provide to family members
You don't have to feel obligated to answer if someone asks you this question: choose a vague answer to give on every occasion so as not to have to think about what to say every time. Give them some time and you will see that they will back down.
- Say something like: "We will start a family when we feel ready".
- Or: “There are still a few years to go”.
Step 3. Answer the question by pointing out that you and your partner are already a family
This method works especially if you are not planning on having children: it will let your family members know that you already feel complete and that they should stop asking questions about this topic.
For example, you could say that you already see yourself as a family because you have your own business and pets and enjoy looking after your grandchildren
Step 4. Tell your family that you will let them know when you are ready for the event
These people just want to feel included and most of them just want to see a baby born in the family. By responding like this you are telling them that you want to include them, but that you don't feel ready yet.
You could say, for example: "I know you are excited about having new children in the family, but we are not ready yet. When we decide, you will be the first to know”
Method 3 of 3: Telling the Truth
Step 1. Announce your intentions before a family reunion
If you are worried about being cornered at a family gathering, talk to each family member individually before the event. Explain to them your position regarding having children and answer any specific questions that may arise before meeting with the whole family.
Step 2. Tell them that you have fertility problems
Sometimes a straightforward approach is the best way to get people to stop asking questions. Of course, you should only answer this way if you really have fertility problems and are comfortable saying it. In many cases, people back off once they learn that there are difficulties.
You could say, for example, that you are trying to start a family, but that biological children may not be an option available to you, so within a couple of years you might think about adopting one
Step 3. Let the person know that the current circumstances are not favorable
Whether there is no room for a family, or if you don't have the necessary money, communicate it in a kind way: the person will understand that sooner or later you may feel ready, but not in the immediate future.
You might say something like, “I know you are ready to welcome a new baby into the family but, in all honesty, we don't have the financial resources to have a baby. We don't want to have one until we can fully support it."
Step 4. Let your family members know that you and your partner are working on your relationship
Many couples want to be sure they have created a stable relationship before having children. You can share this with a family member to let them know that it could be a matter of a few years for you.
You could say, for example, "We are going to wait a few years before we have children, because we want to make sure our relationship is strong first."
Step 5. Be honest about not having children
If you're not going to have any, it's best to be honest about it. It can be a disappointment for your family, but in this way they will have more time to get used to the idea.
You could say that you and your partner love your family as it is and don't think you need children to complete it, so you have decided not to have any
Advice
- Leave the room and pull yourself together if you feel you are getting nervous.
- Be patient: remember that your family above all wants to know when they will have the opportunity to spoil a baby.
- When someone asks you the question an easy way to avoid the curiosity of others is to answer: "Very soon".
