It is difficult to understand what one's role is when one of the parents is suffering from depression. Depending on your age it may be difficult to help, but there are nonetheless measures that will allow you to deal with the situation. As a child, you are in no way obligated to assume the parental role. If you have the opportunity, the time and the energy, you could offer your help or support, but it is important to know what the boundaries of a healthy relationship between parents and children are and to be aware of your limitations as well.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Supporting the Depressed Parent
Step 1. Learn about the symptoms of depression
You may notice that he no longer gets involved in activities that once thrilled him. He may look sad, desperate, or seem unable to act. You may notice some changes in your weight (gaining or losing weight) or sleep (sleeping frequently or not enough).
- It may behave differently; for example, he seems more irritable, aggressive or short-tempered than usual.
- Perhaps he lacks energy and you have the impression that he is almost always exhausted.
- Watch out for any increased consumption of alcohol or other substances. If there are any changes that have led him to increase his intake of alcohol, drugs, or sleeping pills, this behavior could be related to depression.
- Depression is not contagious, so it is not possible to contract it.
Step 2. Talk to him
It can be distressing to have a conversation on the subject, especially when it involves one of your parents. If you are worried and you feel that things are not going your way, you better go into this discussion. Try to be sensitive and attentive. Remind him how important he is to you and that you want to see him happy.
- Tell him, "I'm worried about you and your health. Has anything changed? How are you?"
- Alternatively: "I noticed that things have changed and that you look sadder than usual. Is everything okay?".
- If, for example, they say that they "don't want to exist anymore", you should immediately seek help.
Step 3. Encourage him to go to therapy
After having an open discussion together, encourage him to find a therapist. It is important that you understand that you are not responsible for what they think and feel, nor for their behaviors, especially those related to depression. Encourage him to consult a therapist. It can help him reframe negative mental patterns, identify triggers, implement defense strategies and preventative measures to reduce symptoms of depression in the future.
Tell him, "I want to see you happy and healthy, so I think a therapist could help you. Will you consider consulting one?"
Step 4. Offer family therapy
Although individual therapy can help the patient to acquire valuable skills, it can be useful to involve the whole family in a psychotherapeutic process. When a parent is depressed, the whole family can suffer. Family therapy can help all members of a household to communicate and resolve problems that may arise.
If you feel that all the burden of home life is on your shoulders, family therapy is an excellent option that will allow you to compromise
Step 5. Spend your time with him
Don't forget that he loves you, even if he can't show you clearly. Let him know that you return his love by trying to spend some time with him. Maybe he wants to be with you, but he doesn't feel like it because he lacks strength. So, take the initiative and invite him to do something that both of us enjoy.
- Cook together;
- Draw together;
- Walk the dog.
Step 6. Go out with him
Nature, sun and fresh air can help him relax and feel better. A walk outdoors can relieve depression and stress. Observe the trees and animals and enjoy every moment you spend in the midst of nature.
- Go to a park or a nature reserve and walk together;
- A walk around the neighborhood while walking the dog can also help.
Step 7. Show him your love
Sometimes depressed people don't feel loved and wanted, so a gesture that testifies to the contrary can arouse positive emotions. You can write him a sentence, send him a card or draw a picture. Whatever you do, make it clear that you love him.
If you don't live under the same roof, try sending him a card or email to tell him that you are thinking of him and that you love him
Step 8. Harness the power of human contact
Hug him tightly. People who need affection tend to feel more lonely and depressed. On the other hand, those who receive affection are generally healthier and happier.
- Hug him as many times as you want;
- Gently tap him on the shoulder or arm to show your support.
Step 9. Talk to your younger siblings about what's going on
If you have younger siblings, they may sense that something is wrong, but not know exactly what. Explain it to him in the best and simplest way possible.
You can say, "Dad suffers from depression. Sometimes he gets too bad and spends a lot of time in bed. It's nobody's fault. He still loves us."
Step 10. Know what to do if he can no longer take care of himself
Sometimes, when a person is depressed, they stop taking care of themselves: maybe they don't shower, they don't go to work, they don't make dinner, they don't clean the house, they don't do the laundry, etc. If he neglects himself, he is also likely to neglect your needs.
- If your needs are neglected, you need to get help. If your dad is depressed and your mom is around, try talking to her about the situation and tell her she needs help. You can also call a grandfather, aunt or uncle, or even the parent of a friend or teacher. There are a number of ways you can help out around the house - keeping your room clean or taking on small responsibilities like taking out the trash - but it's your parents' job to take care of you.
- If you are a little older, perhaps a teenager, you may be able to help by lightening the burden at home during your father's or mother's healing journey. Try helping out by offering to cook or buy something to go, taking your younger siblings to school or playing sports, and so on. However, you shouldn't take on all the responsibilities of home life or become the only person who can care for those who are sick. Make yourself useful in the aspects that have a higher priority (like lunch or dinner), but keep in mind that, at this time, you cannot take care of all the household chores.
- If you are an adult, invite your father or mother for help. If he is reluctant to see a psychologist, you will probably have better luck convincing him to go to the treating doctor for a general checkup. Set limits on what you are willing and able to do for your depressed parent, keeping in mind that in order to improve, he or she must be determined to accept help. You can't force him to seek treatment.
Step 11. Recognize suicidal behaviors
It's a horrible thought, but you need to know what a depressed parent might come up with. People who meditate on suicide often show certain signs and, by knowing what the thoughts that precede such a gesture may be, you will be ready to act in case of need. A person who plans to commit suicide engages in the following behaviors:
- Give away personal effects;
- Talk about walking away or sorting out all his affairs;
- Talk about death or suicide and maybe even getting hurt;
- She says she feels desperate;
- Suddenly changes behavior: for example, he calms down after a moment of strong anxiety;
- Engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as increasing consumption of alcohol or other substances
- He says that the situation will improve without his presence, that he no longer wants to exist, that all this will end soon or similar phrases.
Step 12. Be prepared to take action if you think it is in danger
If you are concerned that you are thinking of committing suicide, call the Friendly Phone on 199 284 284. If you are threatening to commit suicide or self-harm, have a firearm or other means by which you could kill yourself (such as pills), speak suicide and seems rather agitated and anxious or attempts dangerous gestures, call the emergency health service immediately (118).
Part 2 of 2: Take Care of Yourself
Step 1. Don't blame yourself
You may feel guilty or fear that you did something "wrong" that upset your parent, but it doesn't. There are usually many reasons why a person begins to suffer from depression. Consequently, the onset of this disorder is very complex and cannot be limited to a couple of causes. Many people are depressed because factors have come into their lives that have made them more vulnerable to developing depression.]
You haven't done anything wrong and you haven't caused anyone to feel depressed. Do not blame yourself and let go of the sense of guilt, because you will only torment yourself by compromising your psycho-physical well-being
Step 2. Avoid taking things personally
Women tend to complain and be fickle, while men get angry or short-tempered. Either way, a depressed parent may say things they don't really think. Maybe you will convince yourself that you are the cause of his daily stress. Knowing that he experiences a disparate set of emotions - which can affect his behavior - you will realize that what he says does not correspond to reality.
If he hurts your feelings, cut back on his words. While this won't help ease the pain caused by a brutal comment, you will realize it's not your fault
Step 3. Be with the people who make you happy
Go out with friends, spend your free time with positive people and enjoy life. Don't be afraid to leave the house and do something else. Social life can provide you with the mental balance you need to not feel overwhelmed when you are at home.
- Don't let your depressed parent's care and housework become your life. It is not your job to assist him. Help him out, but don't let the thought of helping take over.
- You have to set limits. If he is counting on you to feel good, it means that an unhealthy mechanism has been put in place that can have serious repercussions on your mental health.
- At first try to set small limits and stick to them without judging or getting nervous. For example, if he confides too much and touches on issues that don't concern you, you might say, "Dad, I like talking to you, but what you tell me is beyond what I can handle. I believe Aunt Mara can help you solve this. problem".
Step 4. Talk about how you feel
Emotions are important and it is not healthy to repress them. Find someone who can listen to you carefully and confide in them.
He is probably too depressed to fulfill his duties as a parent, so surround yourself with other adults who can guide you. Consider older siblings, grandparents, uncles, a spiritual guide, and family friends
Step 5. Find a way to vent what you are feeling
It is natural to feel stressed, worried and sad when a parent is suffering from depression. Therefore, you must learn to manage your feelings by having ways out that allow you to relieve stress and recharge in a healthy way. Try journaling, drawing, painting, listening to music, or writing.
Find relaxing activities or activities that help you feel good about yourself. You could play some sport, go for a run or play with your four-legged friend
Step 6. Remember it's okay if you cry
It is difficult to be the child of a depressed parent. What you feel in this situation is natural and understandable. By crying, you can vent your emotions in a healthy way. You will feel better because through tears the body gets rid of stress hormones and toxins.
- Don't be ashamed to cry. There is nothing wrong with this gesture or with expressing your emotions, alone or in public.
- Give yourself the time you need to let out your tears. If you prefer, you can apologize and cry somewhere away from prying eyes, such as in the bedroom or bathroom.
Step 7. Know that he hasn't stopped loving you
Depression can affect your parent's mood and behavior to the point that it exhausts him, alters his feelings, and causes him to say things he doesn't really think. She's going through a tough time, but she still loves you.
