Alcoholism is a chronic disease that makes the body dependent on alcohol. The alcoholic is obsessed with drinking, and cannot control alcohol consumption, although he realizes that drinking causes serious damage to health, relationships, as well as economic.
Alcoholism is a very widespread problem, affecting people from all walks of life, involving many families. The problem often goes beyond drunkenness, and can originate in various forms of emotional abuse, financial problems, or physical abuse. Living with an alcoholic parent is never easy, but there are ways to better cope with this situation.
This article starts from the premise that you have already identified a drinking problem in one of your parents, and it does not take into account the behavior of the other parent, which may or may not help, or even have no bearing.
Steps
Step 1. You must understand the causes of alcoholism
In addition to a personal predisposition, the most common cause is depression, it does not often happen that a person gives himself to alcohol except for depression, and drinking only generates more depression, with the only difference being being depressed under the The effect of alcohol obscures self-awareness, and causes actions to be performed without control. Problems that are difficult to deal with while sober are drowned in alcohol, resulting in denying the person's responsibility.
Step 2. Try to be the reason, cause and motivation for alcohol withdrawal of the parent who has this problem:
whenever you spend time together when he or she is sober, make this time special. Do things together that give him pleasure, talk to him politely, have conversation, activities together or games. He tries in any way to fill the emptiness that leads him to drink with affection and love. The goal is to involve him, little by little you should notice that spending time with you gives him pleasure, to the point of making him look for your company. At this point you should motivate him and let him know that you are happy with the progress he is making. Let him know that he is a person of human value by constantly talking to him about it. The more encouragement you can give him, the more you will be able to keep him away from alcohol. This long journey will require a lot of patience on your part.
Step 3. Talk to him when he is sober
Find a time when you are both calm and your parent hasn't been drinking. Sit down together and discuss what your feelings are about her alcoholism. Explain the problems that arise from drinking. You probably won't be able to stop him from drinking, but at least you will try to limit his alcohol intake, and instill a little realism in his understanding of the "side effects".
- Make it clear what you are willing to tolerate and the limits not to exceed. This doesn't mean saying what to do, but it does mean being concerned about your safety and well-being. Tell him that if he continues to drink, you will take steps such as leaving or seeking help.
- Encourage him to talk to you about possible causes of his depression. Show compassion, which doesn't mean you have to be too tolerant or agree with him for his actions. You can suggest that he go to therapy, but don't be surprised if he rejects this offer because it requires too much accountability.
- Ask him to gradually reduce his alcohol intake. Asking him to stop altogether wouldn't work, but you can ask him to cut back on his daily intake.
Step 4. Avoid arguing if he's drunk
A heated argument with a drunk parent gives you little satisfaction, and will make the drinker elusive in future confrontations. There is also the risk of him hurting you, as well as the fact that he may not remember anything about the fight.
Avoid accusing or provoking him
Step 5. You must keep your word on what you say, and follow up on what you announce will happen if you don't stop drinking
If your parent realizes that you are not following up on what you have decided and communicated, they will take advantage of you and your indecision.
Never buy alcohol for your mom or dad, much less ever give them money to do it. If you are already doing this, you must understand that stopping buying drinks will be difficult but you will have to be adamant when you have made this decision
Step 6. You must understand that your parent's alcoholism is not your fault
In many cases the alcoholic parent blames the child for this addiction. Even if he doesn't, you may feel like it's your fault. But is not so. It's his responsibility, not yours. One of the effects of alcohol is to make people insensitive to responsibility and to carry the weight of their actions on others.
It is normal for you to be resentful, especially if you have had to do a lot of housework or pay bills
Step 7. External your feelings
Choose a diary and write down everything you feel. If you are concerned about the privacy of what you write, make a diary online and protect it with a password. By clearing your browsing history, you won't run the risk of your thoughts being read by your parent. Keeping a journal will also help you find the right words to express yourself, and to find an outlet for what you are going through, a necessary outlet so as not to create an explosive situation of emotional repression, which is by no means desirable. Try to tackle problems one at a time.
Taking care of yourself must be your top priority. If you constantly worry about your parent's drinking problem, you will eventually run out of emotional strength and resources, and you will end up feeling anger, confusion, and embarrassment. Analyze your feelings to be able to deal with them
Step 8. Don't rely on your mother or father to do the things they say, unless they have been consistently reliable
For example, if you go out on your own, make sure you have a backup plan in case he forgets or is too drunk to pick you up. Always have alternative plans ready and get help from various people who can lend a hand in case of difficult situations.
Step 9. Do things that distract you from the situation you live in at home
Go out often with friends, have fun, play sports, read, paint: these are all activities that guarantee you an outlet. The situation at home is out of your control, and seeing friends who offer you consideration and support can help you feel more stable.
Step 10. Don't start drinking
Children of alcoholics are three to four times more likely to become alcoholics themselves than the average. Remember everything your alcoholic parent puts you through, and keep that in mind when tempted to drink.
Step 11. Leave the house if your parent becomes aggressive
Never let it get violent towards you. You need to know how to safely get away from home if things go wrong in this regard.
- Have emergency phone numbers handy, set them as quick numbers on your mobile.
- Know where you can find shelter and who to contact in case you need a safe haven. Save enough money to leave on short notice.
- Don't hesitate. No one deserves to be hurt, regardless of their relationship with the person who hurts you. Trying to protect yourself is not the same as being disloyal to a parent.
Step 12. Don't be afraid to confide in someone
A friend, a teacher, you choose who inspires you to trust and thinks that you will not be judged, but that you may perhaps receive help.
Telling a friend about the situation in your home is a great idea, it will make you feel better and give you emotional support. Ask your friend if he can help you out or host you for a couple of days if needed
Advice
- It is very important to understand the difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse. A person who drinks one beer a day cannot be considered an alcoholic.
- Find a support group or some friends in the same situation as you who can help you deal with it, and talk about what is happening to you.
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If you are not sure if your parent is unable to read what you write in the journal, do not write anything that will get you into trouble, so that if he could read he would find only your thoughts, which may even make him reevaluate his addiction..
- Eg:
- Okay - I hate it when my made drinks, it seems to me that she is no longer my mother, she looks just like a stranger who came home from the bar and pretends to be my mother.
- Do not okay - I hate that stupid mother !! I would like to kill her because she drinks too much !!
Warnings
- If you try to deal with your parent about their problem, it's easy for them to get defensive or aggressive.
- You cannot do anything to change your parent, only he or she can decide to change, you can only try to help him understand if this is what he wants.
- If your parent becomes abusive, or if you feel you are in danger, leave immediately and seek help.
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If your parent takes you away from home and the other parent without informing anyone and without going through social services or the court, it could be committing a crime and you should turn to some association or the authorities for help.
Depending on the law in force in the country where you live, the crime can be configured as kidnapping in person
- Don't get in the car with your parent if he's drunk.
