It is difficult to maintain a good relationship with a sibling, especially if you are constantly bickering. It can be difficult to break the chain of discussions and it often happens that in these situations the feelings of others can be hurt. This article will show you how to stop fighting with your brother and build a good relationship with him.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Before You Begin
Step 1. Consider your relationship with your brother or sister
Is it very intense or extremely fragile? What can be done to consolidate or improve it? Mentally work out which areas you and your brother could work on, but for now Not seek confrontation.
Step 2. Take a step back and analyze the situation
Are your brother or yourself going through puberty? This could lead you and / or him to relate differently and break out into fights more often. If this is the case, know that it is temporary, so let puberty take its course while you try to deal with it as calmly as possible.
Step 3. Think back to the past
Are there any things that you or your brother have done that affect the situation and relationship today? Maybe you didn't mean to humiliate him on his birthday, but you've never apologized for what happened and he holds a grudge and that's why he always fights with you. Or maybe you are the one feeling resentful.
Method 2 of 4: Take action
Step 1. Sit back and have a serious chat about the current situation
Tell him you've noticed that the two of you are fighting a lot. However, as you explain it to him, Not point out that it is his fault, or that he is always the one to initiate. Otherwise he would get defensive and you would find yourself bickering about it!
Step 2. Ask your brother what he thinks are the strengths of your relationship (ex:
both of you are good at sharing). Wait for him to finish speaking, and then make your comments afterwards. However, don't waste too much time on this, as there are negative points to address as well. Also, your brother may get bored of this conversation and walk away, sparking another fight between you two.
Step 3. After highlighting your strengths, ask him what aspects you could improve on to help strengthen the bond between the two of you
Don't interrupt him while he's talking and don't get defensive over some of his comments. Soon it will be your turn to talk and you better know what you did wrong.
Listen to what he has to tell you. That way he may feel compelled to listen to you when it is your turn to speak
Step 4. After your brother has listed a few things you could improve on, it's up to you to do the same
However Not begin with an accusatory tone, otherwise he would immediately feel attacked. Rather, use a polite and polite tone as you say phrases like, "Well, I've noticed that we don't share the housework equally. We should probably work on that."
Remember that it is preferable to use "we" rather than "you", because "we" implies that both of you will work on this, not just him
Step 5. Together choose two or three areas to work on together (ex:
sharing household chores). Although you want to work on all aspects immediately, between saying and doing there is the sea! It would become more complicated to balance all areas at once, so it's best to tackle a few at a time.
If you feel your relationship isn't strong enough to handle two or three areas, stick to just one if necessary. However, do not delay in facing the others
Step 6. Make working hard to consolidate these areas into a common goal
Try to work together and do team work rather than self-employment. In doing so, you will support and encourage each other.
- Make a positive comment or two about your sibling to make him feel more motivated to improve in that particular area.
- Don't focus on the negative points. Rather get over it. At least your brother is striving to improve in that area.
Step 7. After both of you feel that the areas you worked on are strong enough, focus on the other areas, continuing to improve the already strong ones
Step 8. If the matter is more serious, ask your parents for advice and see what they can do to help you solidify your relationship
In any case Not spy on your brother and don't blame him, because you will look immature. In addition, your brother would feel hurt and this could make your relationship worse.
Method 3 of 4: Maintain a Good Relationship
Step 1. Do something nice for your brother from time to time, for no reason
Pick a random, but appropriate time, and do something he'll enjoy (e.g. go out and buy him his favorite candy). If he asks, "Why did you do this?" You answer "Because I felt like it."
- This will show your brother that you still love him and want to build a better relationship, even though you fight.
- Even if he doesn't reciprocate with something nice, don't feel discouraged, but continue to be nice to him. Remember that you shouldn't be nice to him just once, but every single day, even if he doesn't deserve it!
Step 2. Make sure you finish all your homework, learn lessons, and do household chores or whatever else is on the schedule
That way your brother won't exclaim, "You still have to do your homework, so hand me the remote!" or "Oh my God! I can't believe you haven't finished the housework yet!" If you stick to the schedules, you will prevent you and your brother from arguing over who finished what.
If you're done with your chores and your brother isn't, offer to help him. Although you'd rather not do this, it will solidify your relationship and he will understand that you care. However Not do all the chores for him, otherwise he might start exploiting you.
Step 3. Avoid meddling in his personal matters
Your brother has a right to his privacy, just like you. Avoid reading his diary, checking his mail, text messages, etc. unless you allow it, Not invade his privacy, otherwise he could take revenge and do the same with you!
If your sibling gives you permission to read something personal (e.g. diary), Not take advantage of it and don't cross the line! While you may be tempted to do so, it's not the right choice and it could undermine your relationship, giving them a valid reason to be mean to you.
Step 4. Don't let him down, especially if he's younger than you
Remember that if your brother is younger than you he will tend to emulate you - even if he would never admit it - so don't break his dreams. For him you have to be a good example and someone to follow and to be proud of.
Step 5. Do something fun with your brother although you would rather lock yourself in your room and text your friends
This will deepen your bond and make him feel more appreciated. Play with toy soldiers, write a story together, or find a hobby you both love to do.
Keep a close eye on the small mistakes he makes (e.g. your brother bruised your favorite toy soldier), to avoid arguing. The relationship with your brother is worth more than objects
Step 6. Listen to him if he has a problem
Give him some good advice and comfort him if he needs it. Even if he would never do it for you, that doesn't mean you have to turn your back on him. Actually if you help him, he may feel obligated to do something nice for you too, even if that's not what you might have in mind.
Method 4 of 4: When You Argue
Step 1. Apologize if you feel you have already started an argument
Instead of thinking about your personal pride and hurting your brother, put your pride aside and heal the wound. This will settle the issue and avoid wasting time. Even if the fight wasn't your fault, apologize anyway to eliminate the possibility of being hurt and punished.
Step 2. Ask yourself why you started fighting
Arguing is a vicious circle, but you need to be mature and stop it. If you can't even remember why, maybe it's because it wasn't important enough.
Step 3. While you may be tempted to treat your brother badly, don't be mean
Otherwise he may think that you don't want him in your life and he will feel miserable. Also, you would give him an excuse to behave badly towards you, damaging the relationship between you.
If you misbehave him, apologize immediately - even if he refuses to accept your apology
Step 4. Ignore him if he says something offensive or rude
Sometimes it may try to annoy you for no reason, but ignoring it will no longer have fun. When the fun is over it will stop being offensive.
Stubborn siblings may hold out and be abusive for a longer period, but sooner or later they will get bored and quit
Advice
- Like a coin, everything and every situation has two sides; positive and negative. How we feel depends on what we focus on. Get in the habit of focusing your attention on the positive aspects of your brother. Soon you will only be looking at those and your relationship will change.
- Compliment him, making sure they are sincere. But don't overdo it - otherwise he'll become arrogant or suspicious.
- Treat your brother as you would like to be treated. Over time, he may start to trust you and react positively.
- Behave like a mature person - you should be the first to say sorry and not start arguing.
- Try to be understanding and understand that each of us reacts differently to situations. What you do as a joke could really hurt the feelings of others, so apologize. It might help your relationship.
- Encourage him to do his best.
- If you unintentionally say something very bad to your brother, apologize by saying you didn't mean to hurt him and ask for forgiveness. Don't be proud and don't refuse to apologize.
Warnings
- If your sibling continues to argue with you even though you are sticking to these rules, ask your parents or an adult for help.
- Don't gossip about your brother or he will feel offended and want to take the anger out on you.
- If your sibling starts to undermine your self-esteem in any way, react and report it to someone.
- Don't go to school and tell everyone your brother was wrong. This would give him the right excuse to take revenge and treat you badly.
