So, does your brother or sister get any kind of attention? Does he always get everything he wants, while for you it's a constant struggle? Having parents who favoritism can be a very difficult situation, especially if you don't get the attention.
Steps
Step 1. Determine if it is indeed favoritism by evaluating the situation from each point of view
Your parents may relate to your siblings differently and act differently with them, but they don't necessarily prefer them to you. They may not realize that their behavior arouses this feeling of yours.
Step 2. Make a list of examples of how they show their love and how they make you feel
It can be a mental list or a real list to use later when you talk to them. Try writing particular examples to support what you are going to say.
Step 3. Confront your parents when they are both calm
Ask if you can talk to them about something important and make sure you don't use an accusatory tone.
Step 4. Explain how you feel, using examples that confirm what you say
Remember not to get angry and not to use examples as accusations. If you get nervous, they may fall silent and stop listening. Your goal is to make it a confrontation where everyone will be able to express their point of view, and not a one-sided reprimand in which to blame what you think are their mistakes.
Step 5. End the discussion if the tones change
Parents may not want to listen and may get angry when they hear that they are doing favoritism. If they don't listen and they get nervous or if you get angry, keep the discussion from becoming an argument.
Step 6. Don't scold yourself or your siblings
Jealousy can lead you to blame your siblings, while anger can lead you to blame yourself. However, the accusations don't resolve the issue and tend to over-focus you on the grudge you harbor.
Step 7. Commit to yourself, not your parents
Avoid seeking their approval in everything and pretending that they are always proud of you. This attitude will help you understand that not being the "favorite" does not mean that you are worth less.
Step 8. Keep a personal journal to let off steam
Sometimes the anger comes and you feel the need to let off steam. Don't worry, just express how you feel so you can get over the problem.
Step 9. Become more independent
Parents can be hard to deal with when they shower their siblings with money and gifts, while you get troubled when you ask them for something. If you are old enough, look for a job to earn what you need. Spend more time outside the home in a more welcoming and supportive environment.
Advice
- If your parents play favoritism, it doesn't mean that the rest of the siblings are better than you. Don't let this thought hurt your self-esteem.
- If you have an argument with your parents and they don't seem to be improving, remember to let them know what they are doing. If you feel they are favoring their children, ask them privately why they do this. Explain how things stand from your point of view and also try to listen to theirs.
- Try to be kind when describing how you feel.
- Try discussing the problem with your siblings, as they may be able to help you. Sometimes it happens that everyone believes that the other is their favorite child, so discussing them is likely to find that you are both loved. If your sibling notices anything unusual and is ready to help you, you can ask him to discuss the situation with your parents or to help you organize a family discussion. Remember that this is a confrontation, not a fight, so avoid conflicting attitudes.
Warnings
- If you keep a diary, your parents or siblings can find it. Pay attention to what you write if you are afraid they may read it.
- If your parents are abusing you, call a child help line. Those who work on the other side can give you a hand.
- Some parents refuse to discuss matters concerning their role, insisting that they are right. However, they can pleasantly surprise you and seriously consider what you are saying. So, it's not a bad idea to try to explain how you feel.
