Renewing wedding vows is a special occasion for a married couple. Often it is organized in conjunction with a big anniversary (10th, 20th, 50th, etc.) or to reaffirm mutual commitment after overcoming a difficult time. It's also a great excuse to celebrate that big, gorgeous wedding you've always dreamed of, but it was impossible to organize it for the first wedding. Of course, everyone can tailor the experience to their needs and the variations are numerous, but there are guidelines that everyone can follow. If you want some ideas on how to renew wedding vows, read on.
Steps
Step 1. Do it at the right time
A married couple can renew their vows at any time they want, but having a valid reason will make the occasion much more special. Maybe you got married in the municipality without inviting anyone, and therefore didn't have the opportunity to surround yourself with your loved ones on the big day. You may not have been able to afford a lavish wedding the first time, but now you have the opportunity to throw a lavish party. Maybe you and your partner have been through a great deal of difficulty lately, such as an illness or a career crisis, and you want to show that your love is stronger than ever. Maybe you are planning to reconcile after making a mistake, and you want to reconfirm your commitment.
Along with special anniversaries, these reasons are ideal for renewing vows, but you can do it anytime you both feel comfortable. There are no precise rules for making such a decision
Step 2. You need to know what to avoid
While you can do whatever you want on this occasion, there are still aspects prohibited by etiquette. You don't have to stick to these rules at all, but if you're doing something unusual, it's best to know right away to prepare for inappropriate questions. Here are some factors to keep in mind:
- This time, you should be the one to receive the guests at the ceremony and party. If in the past it was your parents or other relatives who gave you an economic help, in this case you have to take care of it, at least to a large extent. However, if it has not been long since your first marriage and you have never managed to celebrate with dignity, there may be exceptions.
- Many believe it is inappropriate to present the wedding registry when renewing. The first time, the guests helped you decorate the house, paid for your honeymoon, or gave you financial help to start a new life together. In this case, it may be considered bad taste to ask guests for a gift, on the other hand you are already a married couple. In any case, if the date of the reconfirmation is not far from the first wedding, you can propose the wedding list, as long as you actually need it.
- The same goes for the bridal shower, a party in which relatives and friends deliver gifts to the newlyweds. Maybe you haven't even asked yourself the problem, because it's actually an Anglo-Saxon tradition. However, since it is also gaining ground in Italy, consider that it is generally considered inappropriate: you are already married.
- If it hasn't been a long time from the wedding to the renewal of your vows, maybe you want a bachelorette party (if you couldn't celebrate it). However, many disagree with this initiative: a party like this, in fact, would be your last single night. Since you are already married, it would not make much sense to organize it. However, if you want to go out and celebrate with your friends, no one is forbidding you.
Step 3. Decide if you prefer a large party or an intimate gathering
What do you want: a ceremony with great pomp or a celebration gathered together with friends and family who are closest to you? Maybe you want to throw a big party to see all those people who have lost sight of you years ago, or just because you have been married for 25 years and you want to celebrate your love with a lot of people. On the other hand, it is absolutely acceptable to prefer a small and intimate party, together with the most important and close people to the couple. Agree on the celebration with your husband and decide accordingly before starting to organize.
Step 4. Establish your budget
The ceremony to renew vows can cost the same as the first wedding, if not more, but it depends on your wishes. A large part of the expense is due to the food and alcohol served at the reception (if you decide to do so), so keep this in mind when planning. Not only should you calculate how much to spend, you need to understand the scale of the event. You can have an outdoor party and invite lots of people, or organize an elegant evening in a luxurious restaurant. You can spend and spread between cocktails with unpronounceable names and beautiful dresses, or plan a less formal party. It is not even the case to go from one extreme to the other: you can also opt for a middle ground.
Step 5. Prepare the guest list
You decide how many people to invite to the ceremony, and you should consider the budget to do so. Then, will you also organize a reception? How many people will you invite to the party? Some couples decide to renew their vows in church without godparents and godmothers, and without a party, others prefer to involve the original witnesses. Many decide to also involve children and grandchildren in the ceremony itself.
If the first time you had witnesses and maybe even bridesmaids, their participation was actually intended to officially certify the union. In this case, it's not necessary, because the ceremony is neither official nor legal, so you don't need it. However, you can still invite them to participate with you or just to attend. You will show that you value them in your lives and that your relationship is still as meaningful today as it was then
Step 6. Choose the place where the reception will be held
Select a place that is large enough to accommodate all guests and that conveys the sensations you want to communicate. If you want a big party, then you should organize it at least 6-12 months in advance, so that all the guests have time to book the trip and don't make any other commitments. In addition, moving well in advance will give you the freedom to choose the place that really convinces you: remember that many places are booked months in advance. Do you want to be spontaneous and renew your promises in a couple of months or a few weeks? No problem, after all, the party is yours!
You can also renew your promises on the beach or in the mountains: the important thing is that this place is special for you and your husband
Step 7. Establish the details
Now that you've set the date, let your closest friends and family know - they need to know before they even send out the invitations. Afterward, plan in detail. Ask for all the necessary quotes and start paying the deposits. You need a catering service, bartenders, musicians, DJs, florist, decorations, photographer, party favors, cake and invitations.
- You also need an officiant. However, since you are already married, it is not necessary to find a person who has legal permission to perform a wedding. You can contact the priest in your community, or ask a close friend or family member. It is also possible to call the priest who took care of it on the occasion of the actual wedding. If you have grown up children, you can assign this symbolic task to one of them to make the ceremony even more special.
- Decide if you want a classic wedding cake. Some think that it is not necessary to renew the promises, but, if you want to go big, book it. Were you unable to get it at your first marriage? All the more reason now you have to offer one.
- It would be better to repeat some elements of the wedding on the occasion of the renewal, such as similar floral decorations or the first dance on the notes of the same song. In any case, also try to diversify something from the original ceremony. After all, you and your husband are at a different stage in life, and that's important to celebrate.
Step 8. Choose what you will wear
Attire depends a lot on the formality of the ceremony. In some cases, traditional dresses are needed, in others, elegant dresses that recall the color palette of the first wedding are fine. Since it's not your first wedding, etiquette dictates that the bride doesn't have to dress in white if she doesn't want to. The veil is also optional. Another option is to wear the original dress, as long as it still fits you. If your husband is in the military, he can wear a uniform. You can also exchange gifts, such as jewelry or cufflinks, to show off on the big day.
Step 9. Send out the invitations
They should be clear: explain that this is a renewal / confirmation ceremony. If your parents organized the first wedding, you shouldn't involve them in the preparations at all this time. It is you who have to take care of the party, at most your children can do it. Invitations must be sent out at least two months in advance so guests have time to respond and travel arrangements. Here are some examples of what to write:
- If you organize the party yourself, you can write a sentence like “Maria and Alessandro Bianchi are happy to announce the renewal of their wedding vows”. Next, indicate specific information about the party.
- If your children are organizing the renewal, then they can write “Andrea and Alice Bianchi announce the renewal of the wedding vows of their parents, Maria and Alessandro Bianchi”. Later, more information about the event must be added.
Step 10. Write the marriage vows
You don't have to, but as this is a renewal ceremony, the event is all about the love you feel for your husband, so writing your vows would be a nice gesture. If the officiant is a priest, ask him if you can write a few short sentences to add to the traditional ceremony readings. Will you have a symbolic celebrant, such as a friend or relative? In this case, you also need to determine what he will say, especially since he has never conducted such a ceremony in his life.
- Promises can concern any issue, the important thing is to focus on the positive aspects of marriage and the future that awaits you, without dwelling on the difficulties you have overcome. You can mention them, but it's best to have an optimistic point of view.
- You don't have to write promises. Let the officiant take care of the ceremony, and thus reaffirm your love. The priest, or someone on his behalf, can ask questions like "Sergio, do you want to continue to have Alice in your life and live a long and happy marriage?". You and your him will answer yes, and this will be enough to renew the mutual commitment.
Step 11. Plan the actual ceremony
It's not a classic wedding, so you have several options. You and your husband could walk down the central aisle of the church with your children in tow, or the bridegroom can enter first, so that all attention is focused on you. Exchange new rings, or use old ones to symbolize renewed faith in union. Family members could do some reading in your honor. Many think that no protagonist of the ceremony should go alone to the altar: they believe that the spouses should do it together or with their children to make the occasion even more special.
- You can take the opportunity to change your wedding rings. Maybe you've been wanting to get new or better ones for a long time, and this opportunity is the perfect excuse. If you don't want new rings and you like the ones you have, you can engrave a special word or phrase.
- It is not mandatory to have witnesses on this occasion, but you can definitely call all the people who helped make that day special for sentimental reasons.
Step 12. Organize the reception
It is possible to have a small house party or a large gathering in a salon. Again, the possibilities are certainly not lacking. Reserve the first dance for the groom, on the notes of your song, and, if you like, add the one with your father too. There is no need to adhere to an elaborate ritual for cutting the cake, you can serve cupcakes instead. If you really want to remember the first wedding, order a fake cake for display based on the model of the original one. Ask a couple of guests to make a toast in your honor, but toast yourself a couple of times too.
- Skip the garter and bouquet toss. To keep the event from being too formal, encourage guests to hit the dance floor by starting dancing first. Start some fun dances.
- You can also bring the wedding album or make available shots of that day so guests can remember it. If it hasn't been long since your first wedding, you can simply have a couple of pictures on hand to commemorate them.
- Give a few toasts to the most important guests, tell everyone how much they have meant to you over the years. You will see that many of them will reciprocate.
- Everyone has very specific ideas about the reconfirmation ceremony and the reception, but, ultimately, you should remember that the party is yours, this day belongs to you. Don't let people discourage you from celebrating your love or influence you in the decisions made for the festivities.
