Sibling rivalry has existed since the dawn of time. If you are the eldest, your younger sister's behaviors are likely frustrating to you and can annoy you. In some cases, it will prompt you to behave just as immature! Fortunately, you can reduce the annoyance your little sister causes by remembering one important aspect: She considers you a role model. In many cases, it's probably just trying to communicate something important to you. React to her irritating nature with maturity and encourage her when she behaves well. You will soon find that it will bother you less and you will be able to enjoy your relationship more.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Coping with Conflicts with Maturity
Step 1. Communicate calmly
When you find yourself in conflict with another person, it is always best to avoid addressing the problem if you are feeling angry, frustrated, or irritated. In those conditions you would probably not communicate well and could make the situation worse.
- If possible, physically distance yourself from your little sister. Talk about what happened when you both feel calmer.
- If you can't get away, try not to lose your temper. Leaving room for anger will only make the situation worse. Breathe deeply and count to 10 before answering.
Step 2. Express your feelings towards your sister using first-person affirmations
Instead of saying "You are really unbearable" or "Why don't you leave me alone?", Try to point out that "When you act like this, I feel sad / hurt / disrespected / irritated. You hurt my feelings. You love it when people do it. do they make you feel bad? ". This way of communicating will help her understand the impact of her attitude and teach her that actions have consequences.
By using first-person statements instead of making accusations against her, criticizing or blaming her, you will show her that you respect her. That way, they'll be much more likely to treat you with just as much respect
Step 3. Listen to your sister's point of view
How do you live your conflict? Even if you continue to disagree with her, understanding her position will help both of you find a solution.
Step 4. Remember what life was like at your sister's age
Have you always been completely rational or did you happen to behave in a ridiculous or embarrassing way? Do you think you've ever bothered people? Do you remember how you felt when the people you loved or respected were mean to you? Your sister's brain is still developing, so you need to be patient as she learns to interact with others. The more empathy you show her, the more things she will learn and over time it will become less and less annoying.
Step 5. Consider your sister's motives
If you want to change his attitude, you need to understand why he behaves the way he does. While it may not always seem like this, your sister values you. She wants to spend her time with you and know that you love her, that you respect her. If you show her that this is the case, your relationship with her will become much easier.
- Consider the consequences of your actions. For example, if you don't talk to your sister, she will desperately seek your attention, becoming even more annoying. Conversely, if you try to spend quality time with her every week, she won't give you much trouble when you say, "I'm sorry, I can't play with you now, I'm doing something else."
- Learn to compromise. Your sister's needs may be different from yours, but objectively they are just as important. You will not always be able to satisfy her and, in some cases, her young age will lead her to have less mature reactions than you hoped. However, if you try to compromise when possible, you will eliminate a lot of conflicts in the bud, on both sides.
Step 6. Tell one of your parents or caregivers what happens
If your sister really gets on your nerves, you can ask an adult for help.
- Remember: adults will be less likely to help you if you take the matter personally or if you overreact, say, for example, "She's so annoying! Make her stop!" or "Always stand up for him!".
- Instead, focus on the problem: "This week she walked into my room without knocking every day, I feel like I have no privacy. Could you talk to her about it?" or "She starts screaming every time I tell her no and I have great difficulty in handling this situation. Do you have any advice for me?".
- Ask one of your parents or caregivers to spend some time with you on a regular basis to talk about life in general and your relationship with your little sister. By having frequent discussions with an adult, you will educate him on the things he needs to know to control the relationship with your sister before it gets too annoying. Your parents should do the same with all of your siblings.
Method 2 of 3: Teach Your Sister How to Behave
Step 1. Establish family rules
Open a dialogue with your parents at a time when you are all calm and set together rules of conduct to follow in case of conflicts. These rules will help you handle problems fairly and set the parameters for how to handle some situations.
For example, you could set a rule that distinguishes between "snitching" and "informing". In the first case, you are only trying to get someone into trouble ("Laura has dirty the house with her shoes full of mud!"), While in the other you try to prevent a person from getting into even bigger trouble ("Laura is standing on the kitchen table and I'm afraid it might fall! ")
Step 2. Include your sister in the most important activities
She shouldn't feel left out of her family just because she's younger. When planning a party or vacation, be sure to include it.
Step 3. Set a good example
While you may not always get this impression, your little sister sees you as an example to follow. If you get angry about the little things, pinch her or raise your voice, she'll do the same.
- When interacting with your little sister, ask yourself, "How would I feel or react if she treated me this way?"
- If you accidentally raise your voice in a moment of anger, apologize when you have calmed down. She will learn from your example and may imitate you when she fails.
Step 4. Be kind
When you are angry, you can be tempted to let off steam against your sister, but it is never allowed to hurt her on purpose, even when she is the one who throws up her hands first. Remember: you are much bigger and stronger than she is, so it's unfair to take advantage of that advantage. Also, beating her would get you nothing; she would resent you instead of regretting her behavior and if she is angry with you, she will be even more annoying.
Step 5. Clearly state your expectations
Explain what you want, what will happen if he does not obey and if he does.
For example, if you don't want your sister to come into your room, you can say something like, "This is my space and you have to respect it. If you come in again without asking, I'll tell Mom and I won't play with you tonight. you will respect my privacy for a whole week, you can sit on my bed this weekend and I will play whatever you want with you."
Step 6. Keep your word
If you promise your sister that certain behavior will earn her a reward, be sure to keep your word. Likewise, if you establish negative consequences for an attitude, act consistently. If she finds out that you are lying or deceiving her, she probably won't listen to you anymore.
This also means that you should avoid saying phrases like: "If you don't leave me alone, I'll never talk to you again!". Your sister knows that you will have to talk to her again in the future, so your threat will not be credible and she will have no reason to listen to you
Step 7. Reward Positive Attitudes
This is especially important when your sister does well without following your direct directions.
If she avoids annoying you all evening, tell her, "I really appreciated that you enjoyed yourself while I was doing your homework tonight. You were very good." High-five her or, even better, spend some time with her. It will mean a great deal to her if you notice when she is behaving well and will certainly want to impress you in the future
Step 8. Walk away when he misbehaves
Saying something like, "If you're upset right now, it's okay, but I can't talk to you when you act like this," and then walking away calmly can be a much more effective attitude than yelling at her to leave you alone. At first you might throw a tantrum; your sister is desperate for your attention, and being annoying is one of the easiest ways to get it.
- Avoid leaving your sister alone and unsupervised if she is very young, but don't try to calm her down or reason with her as she kicks and screams. Negative attention is still attention, and if you react to her whims by talking to her, she will understand that misbehaving is a good way to get you to interact with her.
- Once she has calmed down, talk to her again.
Step 9. Remember that you are ultimately not your sister's parent
As an older brother, you are a valuable reference figure for her and even a teacher. Setting clear expectations and keeping your word are important ways to exercise those responsibilities.
However, avoid the temptation to "father" your sister. Ultimately, it is your parents or guardian who are responsible for guiding their behavior. In particular, if you are the first born, you may feel that everyone is dependent on you. The younger siblings, on the other hand, are convinced that they receive less attention or that they are treated like small children. Let your parents or guardian be in control of the situation at home
Method 3 of 3: Take Care of Yourself
Step 1. Breathe
Focusing on breathing is a method used by many psychologists to help people manage anxiety. Slowly inhale through your nose for about 4 seconds, hold your breath for another 2 seconds, then slowly exhale for 4 seconds. Take a short break and repeat. This technique works best if you breathe using the diaphragm, i.e. expanding the abdomen instead of the chest as you inhale.
Step 2. Get enough sleep and eat right
You have probably noticed that you tend to be more irritable when you are tired or hungry. Taking care of your body will help you stay in control when your sister starts bothering you.
Step 3. Always watch your sister for signs
He may have problems at school, for example with a bully or with a friend. The occasions when it bothers you may be calls for help.
Step 4. Consider the situation from the right perspective
Remember that your sister is especially annoying because she is still small. While you may feel like he always makes you angry, it can be helpful to remember that he is growing and learning every day. It won't always be that irritating. Remember that you love her and that this moment won't be that important in a week or so.
- Remember the many positive aspects of having a sister. You and she can always count on each other. It is very likely that the person you now consider annoying will become a friend who will remain by your side for life.
- Make a list of the loving, nice, or helpful gestures your sister has done for you. Keep it aside for future reference and remind yourself of your sister's best qualities when you find her really annoying.
Step 5. Give yourself some time just for yourself
While stopping talking to your sister will only make the situation worse, you will be better able to cope with the problem if you are alone for a while. Go see a friend, take a walk, take a moment to do something you really enjoy, or listen to music on earphones alone in your room.
