Confidence in one's abilities is a rather complicated thing. Too often we allow feeling good about ourselves to depend on the will of others, when it should only depend on us. The good news is, you're getting on your way to learning to believe in yourself. Are you ready to go on this adventure? Let's go!
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Show Confidence
Step 1. Play the part
Or, as they say, "pretend until it becomes real". If you know that you convey confidence and that you are a capable person, you will eventually begin to feel like a winning person. Try these tricks:
- Take care of yourself. Spend some time daily on your personal hygiene so that you are able to present yourself properly. Shower, brush and brush your teeth carefully, floss, and care for your skin and hair.
- Dress with taste. You don't have to redo your wardrobe to feel good in your clothes. Just wear something that is clean, comfortable and makes you feel good. After all, if you have to go around delivering pizzas you wouldn't wear a jacket and tie. If you think you look good, you probably do.
- Be careful not to base your confidence on outward appearance. Try wearing clothes that don't make you feel comfortable for a whole day and find your confidence without basing it on your appearance.
- After all, you wouldn't wear double-breasted to deliver a pizza. If you think you're okay, there's a good chance that's actually the case.
Step 2. Perfect your posture
The way you move affects how others feel about you, so make sure you're sending the right message. Walk with your head held high instead of dragging yourself and stay composed when seated. When on the outside you give the impression of being a confident person, you will be treated as such by those around you.
Not only will you fool everyone else… it works on yourself as well. Recent research shows that body position causes the mind to feel a certain way - therefore, having a self-confident attitude will genuinely give you more confidence. Additionally, having body language that conveys confidence has been shown to help decrease stress
Step 3. Smile
Always have a smile ready - you will be surprised to see how even the smallest of smiles can facilitate many social situations and make everyone feel more comfortable. Can you imagine approaching a frowning person? No thanks.
If you're worried that your smile might look fake, don't overdo it. A fake smile can be spotted miles away. On the other hand, if you're really happy to see someone - or just happy for the chance to show off your self-esteem - you definitely want to show off a nice smile
Step 4. Look people in the eye
It's a subtle change, but it can work wonders on how others perceive us. Don't be afraid to meet someone else's gaze; It not only shows that you are a worthy person to communicate with, but also tells others that we respect them, that we recognize their presence and are interested in the conversation. You sure don't want to be rude, do you ?!
Our eyes are essentially human. They are the window to the soul, if you like, and they show attention and our emotions. With eye contact, you will improve the quality of your interactions, as well as convey more confidence. In fact, you will be perceived as a more agreeable and trustworthy person and will make those who talk to you feel more appreciated. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them
Step 5. Keep your body language open
If you see a person huddled in a corner pretending to play with their cell phone, do you really want to go say hello? Probably not. If you want others to get close, make sure you are approachable!
- Keep your body open. If you keep your arms and legs crossed, you are telling others that you are not interested in welcoming them. The same goes for your face and hands - if it's obvious you're worried about something else (be it a thought or your iPhone), people will understand the hint.
- Don't think too much about your body language. As you begin to feel more confident, you will naturally begin to improve your posture.
Step 6. Hold your gaze
Now that you understand how important eye contact is, it's time to put it into practice. Did you know that others are just as intimidated by it as you are? Try looking someone straight in the eye and see who holds their gaze the longest. Does it distract him before you? You understand?! They feel uncomfortable too!
wikiHow isn't arguing that you have to stare at anyone, of course. The aim is not to stare intensely at someone until they are heavily embarrassed. The goal, however, is to understand that it is just as embarrassing for others. If you get caught, smile. You'll be out of trouble
Part 2 of 3: Think Confidently
Step 1. Recognize your talents and good qualities and take note of them
Regardless of how low you may feel, always try to find comfort by remembering what makes you a capable person. Focusing on the best attributes will distract you from what you believe are your flaws by boosting your self-esteem. Think about your good qualities related to appearance, friendships, talents, and most of all, personality.
- Think about the compliments other people have given you in the past. Whether it's a comment about your smile or maybe your ability to stay calm in stressful situations, be sure to treasure it and, of course, reciprocate!
- Remember past achievements. It can be something that other people recognize, like being the best in class, or something you've never told anyone, like unobtrusive help in making life easier for someone else.
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Think about the qualities you are trying to heal. Nobody is perfect, but if you're actively trying to be a better person, give them credit for the effort. Just the fact that you are trying to improve yourself shows that you are a humble and kind-hearted person and these are positive attributes.
Make a list. Write down whatever comes to your mind and use it as a reference the next time you feel down. As you remember them, add other things you can be proud of
Step 2. Think about the things that negatively affect your safety
Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you think are preventing you from having more confidence in yourself; for example, bad grades, introversion, not having many friends, etc. Now ask yourself this: is this really so? Or are they just your impression? For your information, the answers are "no" and "yes" respectively. It makes no sense that that one thing negatively affects your self-esteem.
Here's an example: You didn't get a good grade on your last math test and you don't know how the next one will go. But ask yourself this: if I studied hard, worked with the teacher and prepared for the test, would I have a better result ?! YES. It was just 'an event' and it has 'nothing' to do with you. You have no reason to question your safety
Step 3. Remember that you are not the only one with this problem
Some people are good at hiding it, but almost everyone has, at some point, had to deal with their insecurities. If you can think of someone who you think is 100% confident, there are very likely situations where they are not. We are rarely completely sure of ourselves.
- Here's a fact that's true for you: Most people are too worried about themselves to be constantly judging you. Have you ever noticed how people love to talk and look at things thoughtfully? 99% of people are self-focused. Breathe a sigh of relief and acknowledge that you don't always have to be perfect.
- Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. It's not always about competition and always looking at life in this way wears you out. You don't have to be the smartest, most beautiful, and most popular person in the world to be happy. If you have a strong competitive streak that you can't completely ignore, try competing with yourself instead and strive to improve.
Step 4. Look at confidence as an ever-changing process, rather than a single success
Being confident isn't a one-time goal, and the process won't always advance - there will be days when you'll feel like you're starting from scratch. Take a deep breath, remember the obstacles you have already overcome and continue working on them undeterred.
You probably won't realize you are confident until you really are. Was there a day when you realized you were smart, funny, resourceful, or punctual? Probably not. So, if you don't see any immediate changes, know that it's only because you are too close to the painting to be able to make out the details. Kind of like saying you can't see the forest if you're too close to the trees
Step 5. Remember that you were born with self-confidence
When you popped out of your mother's womb, you certainly didn't care who heard you cry or how limp your head was. You were simply a being. It was society that pointed the finger at you and made you feel like you deserve to exist. It is an attitude that you have 'learned'. Do you know what they say about the things you learn? Which can be unlearned!
Return to that attitude of trust that you were born with. It exists: it's just buried under years of exposure to praise, threats, and perceived judgments. Remove all the others from the picture. They don't matter. They have nothing to do with you. You exist independently of any other judgment
Step 6. Don't think too much about it
Insecurity has nothing to do with the outside world, so you need to stop ruminating. If you find yourself having an internal dialogue, 'stop'. The world is swirling around you - you are spinning too. The only moment that exists is "now". Don't you want to be part of it?
There is so much world outside your head (if we are proceeding with the assumption that reality is actually as it seems). Constantly thinking about what you are feeling or worrying about your appearance takes you out of the present. Practice not thinking about the past or the future. Focus on what's in front of you - there's probably something exciting about it
Part 3 of 3: Practice with Trust
Step 1. Follow your interests
If there is a sport or hobby that you would have liked to pursue, now may be the right time to do it. Improving your skills will only reinforce the concept of having talent and, consequently, increase your self-esteem. Learn to play an instrument or another language, start pursuing an art form like painting, start building projects - in short, whatever catches your interest.
- Don't be discouraged if you aren't super good right away. Remember that learning is a long-term process, appreciate the small wins and relax; after all, you do it to "participate and not to win".
- Take up a hobby that you can do as a group. Finding like-minded people to share your interests with can be an easy way to make new friends and increase your confidence. Look around your community for groups you can join or find affinities with other hobbyists online.
Step 2. Talk to strangers
Security is more than just a state of mind - it's a habit. All human beings are really made of habits. So, to be sure of yourself, you need to do things with confidence. One of them is having conversation with strangers. It may seem intimidating at first, but trying and trying will come naturally to you.
- No, you won't terrify strangers, unless you look downright weird and aggressive. If someone greets you, smiles and asks you for a coffee, how does that make you feel? Probably fine. Everyone enjoys being the center of attention, talking to other people and being spontaneous. You're simply brightening up their otherwise boring days.
- Don't have opportunities? What do you think of the barista in your coffee shop? About the girl in line at the supermarket checkout? Or strangers you meet on the street?
Step 3. Don't apologize excessively
Being able to say you're sorry is a good character trait (and sadly too many people aren't capable of it). However, you must be careful to only say this when it is necessary. Apologizing when you have offended or disturbed someone is kind; apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong, though, can make you feel "inferior" and like you're bound to be sorry. Before it slips out of your mouth, take a second to make sure this is a situation where you need to apologize.
- Use alternative fallback solutions. You can express your sympathy or regret without explicitly apologizing. For example, if you are worried about bothering someone, you might say "I hope this hasn't been too much trouble" instead of automatically resorting to "I'm sorry".
- Apologizing unnecessarily makes you seem insecure. It makes no sense, because you are not inferior to anyone. Why apologize if you haven't done anything wrong? After all, do you really believe that? And, if you always apologize, the gesture loses its value. Being sorry for everything means not feeling sorry at all. Think of "I'm sorry" as if you were saying "I love you". It should be used with extreme care.
Step 4. Accept compliments gracefully
Don't roll your eyes and just shrug your shoulders - take it with pride! You deserved them! Make eye contact, smile and say thank you. Being nice when someone else wants to compliment you doesn't compromise your humility; it shows that you are kind and have a secure sense of self-worth.
Return with a compliment. If you're still uncomfortable getting compliments, try reciprocating after accepting one. This can help you feel 'even' without making you look too proud
Step 5. Build self-confidence by helping others
Take some time to compliment someone else or an unexpected good deed. You will be able to brighten their day and you will feel better about yourself. When you become a source of positivity, others try to stay around you, reinforcing the good vibes.
Many people are not good at receiving compliments. Usually, if you give someone one, they will respond back with a compliment. Make sure it's sincere or you may hear skepticism respond - "Hey, I really like that shirt you're wearing. Was it made in China?" may not get the best answer
Step 6. Get rid of those who put you down
It's hard to be confident in a group of people that you feel they are constantly judging you. You may naturally be the most outgoing, strong and self-confident person, but, with these people, you turn into a puppy dog who hasn't received enough care. You have to get rid of those people like they are a bad habit. Now.
It's important to surround yourself with people who make you feel like you're the best version of yourself. It is only around these people that you will be able to grow
Step 7. Take it easy
Many people don't like crowds. Even more people don't like public speaking. If you find yourself in one of these situations, it's important to slow down. When we are nervous, we tend to want to hurry up so that everything ends quickly. Do not do it. It is a clue that you are nervous. And also signal to yourself that you are nervous!
- First, you need to control your breathing. When we take short, sharp breaths, we awaken our innate survival instinct: fight or escape ?. Being able to control them will allow you to calm down automatically. Fortunately, understanding humans is not a very complicated thing.
- Second, consciously slow down your actions. Think of a six-year-old with a sugar spike - that's you right now. Match your actions to your breathing and you will be able to be calm.
Step 8. Expect success
Life is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we think we're failing, we don't really try our hardest. When we think we're not good enough, we often act accordingly. If you expect success, you just might get it. Pessimism can actually undermine your skills.
- Probably at this moment you are thinking that it is in contrast with the logic expressed so far. We can't predict the future, so just expecting success might seem illogical. But think of it this way: we often expect failure, so why rule out success? Both are possible circumstances, and in many cases, both are equally likely to come true.
- Focus on the things you want rather than the ones you don't want.
Step 9. Take some risks
Sometimes the only way out is to face situations. To improve your life, you need to have experiences that force you to learn. If you keep doing what you've always done, you won't improve in any area. You have to take risks to grow.
- Failure is inevitable. It always happens… and it doesn't matter. The part that matters is getting up. Everyone fails, but not everyone manages to get up. The factor that determines the increase in one's self-esteem is the ability to get back on track, and to learn how to get up it is necessary to fall.
- Get out of your comfort zone so you can learn from your experiences and gain more self-confidence.
Advice
- Think positive. The cause of your insecurities in certain situations is often due to the negativity of your inner voice. Make a commitment to make that voice tell you positive things in those moments.
- Try to be grateful for what you have. Often, the cause of insecurity and lack of trust is the feeling of not having enough, whether it is emotional validity, good luck or money, etc. Recognizing and appreciating what you have allows you to fight the feeling of incompleteness and dissatisfaction. Being able to find that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
- Stop being a perfectionist. Nothing and no one is ever perfect. Demanding high standards only makes sense on certain occasions, but your daily life can have some pitfalls or just moments not. Take them as life lessons and turn the page.
- Consider taking leadership courses. Learn to take control of things. If you are in school, you may perhaps aspire to occupy a prominent social position, such as becoming a class head or school representative. The ability to lead others and having to answer for the behavior of others under your "command" will help you build your self-confidence.
- Sometimes people will say bad things because they are envious! Remember to smile and enjoy life as it is very short.
- Set goals, not expectations.
- You have to say to yourself every morning when you get up, "Wow! I'm just fine today!"
- Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
- Posture can say a lot about your self-esteem. Make sure you improve it!
Warnings
- Being arrogant and being confident are two very different things. Being arrogant is not good, having self-confidence, yes. Learn the dividing line.
- Don't dedicate your life's mission to being sure of yourself. You have to do things that make you happy. In happiness you will find self-confidence.
