Negative thoughts and feelings have the ability to come at the least convenient moments, distracting us from the activities of our life. In a short time, our minds begin to slide into negativity with increasing frequency, and dwelling on dark emotions becomes a bad habit that is difficult to give up. Like the interruption of any other habit, this too requires training of the mind and the formulation of different thoughts.
When we are stressed, we often feel victims of constant and uncontrolled events and mental shouting is the last thing we need. Therefore, it is very important to be able to spend time relaxing, putting some things in context and letting others go.
Start with step 1 and move on to learn how to calm your busy mind.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Create New Thought Patterns
Step 1. Be in the moment
Normally, when your thoughts drift out of control, what are you thinking about? You are probably mulling over something that happened in the past, maybe even just last week, or you are obsessing over something coming up. The key to channeling these thoughts is to be aware of the present moment. Noticing what is happening in the here and now necessarily pulls your thoughts out of those dark corners. For this reason it is often possible to interrupt thoughts simply by focusing on them, because they are suddenly exposed to scrutiny and the related inner creative process is seen in a different light. It might sound simplistic, but as you probably know, it's not always simple to make. Here are some ways to become more aware of what is happening right now:
Looking at a soothing image, the mind can relax and let it all go on its own, but this only happens when you stop trying and expecting it to. This is a good first way to relax and calm the mind
Step 2. Get involved in the world around you
Part of the drawbacks of brooding over negative memories or emotions is being forced to step away slightly from what is happening on the outside of your head. When you consciously decide to step out of your shell and get involved with the world, in your mind, you allow less space for those irritating thoughts and feelings that normally drain your mental energy. Judging yourself for those thoughts could make the problem worse. You may have thought about how much you dislike a given person, only to feel guilty or angry for doing so. In this way the mind is trained to become compulsive or grounded, as in a cause and effect process, and gaining control gradually becomes more and more difficult. Here are some basic ways to start getting involved:
- Become a better listener in conversations. Take some time to really absorb what other people are saying to you, rather than just half-listening to them while you worry about other things. Ask questions, share advice, and generally be a good talker.
- Consider volunteering or engaging in your community. You will meet new people and be exposed to important and interesting topics that may gain more weight than the thoughts and feelings you are trying to let go of.
- Observe your body. Pay attention to where you are sitting. Harmonize with your immediate circumstances. Your reality is where you are now. Going back to yesterday is impossible, just as it is impossible to predict what will happen tomorrow. Keep your thoughts engaged with your physical presence in the here and now.
- Say something mentally or aloud. The physical act of making a sound will bring your thoughts to the present. Tell yourself "This is the present," or "I am here." Repeat this until your thoughts are transported to the present moment.
- Get out. Changing your immediate surroundings can help your thoughts return to the present moment as your senses are busy expanding to gather more data. Observe the way the world moves around you, each living being in its own present moment. Focus on small changes, such as the landing of a bird or a leaf swirling towards the sidewalk.
Step 3. Feel less uncomfortable
For many, self-negativity in its wide range of forms also instigates negative thoughts and feelings. When you're uncomfortable or embarrassed, it's like a second reel is running through your head, distracting you from whatever else you're doing. For example, when talking to someone you worry about your appearance, or the impression you are making, rather than fully participating in the conversation. Curbing discomfort is essential when you want to let go of negative thoughts and feelings in order to get fully involved in life.
- Practice a greater presence of yourself by doing activities that absorb you completely and that give you confidence in your abilities. For example, if you are good at preparing baked goods, enjoy the experience of sifting dry ingredients, mixing the dough, filling the pan, smelling the aroma of your creation that invades the kitchen, savoring the first bite once ready.
- As you experience present moment awareness, explore it and remember how it feels and how it is achieved, and then recreate it as often as possible. Remember that the only thing holding you back from perceiving that same freedom in other situations is your own mind, and you exclude self-criticism from your daily thought processes.
Method 2 of 4: Understanding the Mind
Step 1. Evaluate your relationship with the thought or with the feeling
Thoughts usually arise from habits and will therefore reappear again when you stop being aware. Not only will you have to deal with the disappearance then, you will also have to prevent new ones.
Step 2.
Analyzing thoughts, it won't take long for you to realize that two different things are happening: a theme and a process. The process consists of thinking or expressing feelings.
- The mind does not always need a theme to think about, this happens when it moves away in what appears to be an illogical and somewhat insane stream of thoughts. The mind is using thought as a pacifier or a distraction, and it often does so in the presence of physical pain, when it is scared or when it is trying to protect itself from something. Looking at the mind as a machine, you can sometimes see it grasping whatever it can or perceive to use as a theme or a topic of thought.
- A thought-based theme is much more obvious, you may be angry, worried or have a particular feeling about a problem and get caught up in it. These thoughts tend to be repetitive and focused only on the topic in question.
- The difficulty lies in the existence of a central theme: essentially the mind must be distracted or disillusioned with the theme and the thought process or emotional feelings. It can often be helpful to recognize that the theme, feeling, or thought process is not helpful at the moment. There are many topics, feelings and thoughts that we do not want to let go or recognize as stressful because we want to explore what they represent (such as when we are angry, anxious, etc. and we want to think about who, where, what, why, etc.)
- This specific "will to think about it", or more simply this "will to think", is more powerful than our desire to let go, so letting go is really hard when a strong desire has the greatest weight. When we are not attentive or aware, we begin to fight ourselves, which is also part of the deception if you are thinking for the sake of thinking. The struggle becomes a further distraction from the problem that the mind flees from, the mind is still totally controlled, even though it may seem otherwise. You have to respond to the strong "willingness to think about it" with a gentle but very firm "OK, it's time to move on and let go" until finally the desire to let go becomes stronger than the desire to think about the problem.
- The other problem is that feelings are something that we see as part of us or of our identity. We have no desire to acknowledge that that part of us can cause us pain or sadness, or that it is capable of making us unhappy. Often people are led to think that "all" feelings are precious when they are their own. Some feelings can be stressful, while others don't. This explains the whole method, you have to observe the thought and feeling long enough to decide, without condemning yourself, whether it is worth keeping them or letting them go.
Step 3. Compare this theory with your personal experience
If you have a thought-based theme that you want to stop coming back to, try some of these techniques:
- Do your best to avoid thinking of a polar bear, or (more unusual) a purple polka dot flamingo sipping a cup of coffee. This experiment is rather dated, but still valid in showing the dynamics of thought. The fact is, when we try hard not to think about a polar bear, or a thought that makes us sad, we wage a battle against it. Whether by trying to suppress a thought or by fighting against it, we put in a considerable and prolonged effort. While continuing to try or struggle not to think about it, the bear does not move a step.
- Let's say you hold a pen in your hands and want to put it down.
- To put it down, you have to keep it.
- As long as you keep wanting to put it down, you have to "keep" holding it.
- Logically you can't put it down as long as you hold it.
- The greater the effort and intention applied in "wanting" to put it down, the greater the grip applied to the pen.
Step 4. Learn to let go by easing your struggle with feelings and thoughts
This same physics applies in the mind. As we are striving to chase away thoughts elsewhere, we apply a greater grip. The harder we try, the more we annihilate and stiffen our minds. The mind therefore responds as if it were under attack.
- The way out is to let go rather than force it. The pen will fall out of the hand by itself, as will thoughts and feelings. It may take some time, the effort may in fact have been temporarily imprinted in the memory, and the mind may be so used to fighting that it is rooted in its habits.
- The process that takes place in the mind is really similar. When we cling to feelings and thoughts in order to explore them, or destroy them, we don't allow them to go anywhere else, we keep them under lock and key. To be able to let them go, we have to loosen our grip.
Method 3 of 4: Developing Deeper Skills
Step 1. Develop skills to use when thoughts and feelings arise
There are many things you can do or ask yourself when faced with an unwelcome feeling or thought that repeats itself. Here are some helpful tips:
Have you ever read a book, seen a movie or done something so many times that you know every aspect of it and end up considering it of little interest or boring? By doing the same and observing the thought in a selfless way, you will free yourself from attachment and will be more easily able to let go of it
Step 2. Don't run away from negative feelings
Are you tired of those thoughts and feelings that never seem to leave your mind, but have you taken the time to deal with them directly? When you try to ignore thoughts and feelings instead of understanding them, it may be impossible to get rid of them. Allow yourself to feel deeply what you need to feel before starting the liberation process. If your mind is trying to import chains of thoughts and emotions, judgment is another tool it could use to dominate you. It is good to remember that our mind is the source of all our manipulative abilities therefore it often knows many more tricks than we are aware of. It does this because those parts of the mind that crave and are addicted to things want to persist out of control while our desires persist active and keep us at bay. In general, it is our addictions that drive each of us.
- A useful mantra in dealing with those feelings and thoughts is simply reminding yourself that you are solely responsible for your happiness and that they are not in control of your life. Essentially, by allowing the past, worries about the future, and other desires to control your happiness, you will never reap your rewards.
- Manipulate thinking. Look at it backwards, twist it, fold it, modify it, in the end you will realize that you are in charge. Replacing a thought with a series of more reassuring thoughts, means putting a temporary patch, but it is still useful in times of need. When you feel more confident, you will be able to let go of the problem more easily.
- If your flow of thoughts and feelings is related to a problem that you still need to solve, analyze it carefully, and take the necessary steps to address it, even if you are simply forced to accept that the situation is completely out of control.
- If your thoughts and feelings are connected to a painful event, such as a separation or bereavement, allow yourself to experience that sadness. Look at a photo of the person you miss and think about the memories you shared. If it helps if you allow yourself to cry, there is nothing wrong with showing yourself as a human being. It may also be helpful to write down your emotions in a journal.
Method 4 of 4: Staying Positive
Step 1. Keep a few tricks up your sleeve
When you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or in some way down in the dumps, those feelings and thoughts that you thought were gone forever tend to come back insidious. When this happens, you need to have some method to fall back on to deal with hard times, without allowing certain thoughts or feelings to take over.
Step 2. View
If you are a busy person with only a short time to relax, visualization can be of great help. An example to consider is this image (or any memory of a beautiful or happy place in your life):
Imagine a fabulous landscape with a beautiful field full of flowers. Take a minute to explore the open space, the blue sky and the clear air. Then imagine a city built on the field, with buildings and skyscrapers, roads and cars. Now let the city slowly disappear again, leaving the beautiful field empty. The meaning of this image is that the field represents our primarily empty and quiet mind, on which however we have built an entire city of thoughts and feelings. Over time we got used to the city and forgot what lies beneath it, but the empty field is still there. When you let them go, the palaces will disappear and the camp (peace and quiet) will make its welcome return.
Step 3. Reflect on your goals
The world is filled with little joys including helping others, completing a job, achieving a goal, spending time outdoors admiring nature or a sunset, or enjoying a delicious meal with friends or family. In practice, by reflecting on the positive aspects of life, you develop your self-confidence and increase the fulfillment of your future experiences.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
When you are not feeling well, it is difficult to muster the strength and energy needed to remain optimistic. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind, body and spirit healthy. Those negative thoughts and emotions will have less chance of catching on.
- Get plenty of sleep. When you have a sleep deficit, it's hard to keep your mind functioning and positive. Get 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night.
- Feed properly. Choose a diet rich in all the nutrients your brain needs to stay healthy. Eat plenty of fruit and vegetables.
- Exercise regularly. Having a good workout routine keeps stress at bay and helps your body stay fit. Both of these effects have a large influence on the thoughts and emotions that occupy your mind.
- Avoid alcohol and drugs. Alcohol is a sedative, and drinking too much of it can cause your thoughts to go astray. The same happens with many types of drugs. If you frequently abuse drugs and alcohol, consider quitting to improve your mental health.
- See a therapist when needed. Taking care of your mental health is no less important than taking care of your physical health. If you are having difficulty controlling your thoughts, don't try to go through everything alone. Seek help from a professional, therapist, religious counselor, social worker, or psychiatrist can help you get back on a positive path.
Advice
- Remember: thoughts and emotions are like weather conditions. They come and go. You are the sky. Thoughts and emotions are rain, clouds, snow, etc.
- The more you practice, the easier and faster the results will come.
- Knowing your mind makes things easier: try to relax and observe your mind for a while, reactions included. Imagine that you are a scientist studying a new living species, and your job is to discover its habits.
- It is easy to get attached to feelings of bliss and happiness, but, in reality, these feelings come and go, and it is not possible to "fix" our mind in that direction in the hope that these feelings will always remain with us. However, you can use such feelings as a point of reference both to calm the mind and to develop it.
Warnings
- Trying to destroy certain aspects of one's mind will only force the mind itself to protect them: it is a self-defense mechanism that is triggered automatically.
- Don't be afraid to ask a professional for help if you need it.
- There is no way to make your mind "bulletproof" as it constantly changes "shape" by reacting to different stimuli. This happens because our mind and body exist independently of our will, and it is not possible to change them at will.
