Breaking up is never, ever, easy, but it's often even harder to get on with a relationship that makes us unhappy. To break up with your girlfriend in the kindest way possible you will need to be honest but do it gently. Try to be understanding, helpful and compassionate, and you will manage not to be hated by those who previously loved you. Read on for helpful tips on what to do, what not to do, and some simple ideas you can use as inspiration.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: What Not to Do
Step 1. Don't break up with your partner by text, phone or email
It would be disrespectful, and it would give your future ex the impression that you are evasive. Have the decency to do it privately and in person.
You may not notice it, but ending a relationship in person benefits you. First, it gives both of you the opportunity to talk and reflect on the situation. And while it will be harder, it will likely lead to less drama
Step 2. Do not place the responsibility for separation solely on the other person
Things are never that simple. Be prepared to discuss your relationship without pointing fingers.
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You can probably find negative elements in your relationship that you have contributed to if you really try. In an effort to be fair, and not to make your ex girlfriend feel like she is directly responsible for the relationship ending, be sure to mention the things you may have done differently to make the relationship better.
- In some cases, the fault really lies with just one person. In these situations it is right to say things as they are. If your girlfriend cheats on you, uses drugs, manipulates you or disrespects you more and more often, the responsibility lies solely with her actions.
- Don't cheat on your ex before you leave her. If something is up between you and another girl, have the decency to wait a bit, think seriously about how you feel, and break up with your current girlfriend before doing anything with the other. You will make your ex suffer less and you will feel better too.
- Don't treat your ex badly after the relationship ends. If you still have relationships, you are indebted to her. It is really unfair to disappear before you are out of a relationship. If you don't want to be nice to your girlfriend, you need to give her a chance to find someone who is.
- Don't be distant. Even if you don't want to, offer a hug and other tokens of affection if you feel like your ex needs them. Reassure her and don't be selfish.
- Find the right time. Of course, there is no perfect time. But doing it right before a party, an exam or a vacation is not ideal. Take the time and try to do it when nothing important is happening in his life.
- Resist the urge to argue. When a person is left behind, they are very likely to feel anger. Don't feed her anger by provoking, arguing, or belittling her. Exes often say things that can hurt a lot when they fight.
- Show her you've thought about it for a while, and offer facts to back up that impression. Don't be aggressive or combative. When explaining the reasons for a breakup, don't talk about other relationships. Your relationship is yours alone and breaking up doesn't mean comparing your relationship to that of others.
- Give any explanations he asks. Don't run away immediately after saying the words "let's break up". Stay with her as she processes the information, answering any questions she might ask you. If she keeps repeating the same questions, tell her she is doing it.
- Don't feel guilty about breaking up with your girlfriend - if you try to continue a relationship that makes you unhappy, it will only make things worse.
- Don't make the situation worse with nasty messages or phone calls.
- Following these tips will make the separation less painful for both of you. You may even remember it as a positive experience in the future.
- Wait a while before you find yourself a new girlfriend, especially if you often meet your ex.
- Never say one of the classic lines like, "It's not you, it's me".
- Put yourself in his shoes. Try to imagine how you would feel if she was the one who broke up with you.
- Try asking her if she wants to be your friend.
- Don't make her think there's a chance they'll get back together if that's not the case.
- However kind you may be, the pain will still be there and she will resent you, at least initially.
- Don't talk to her in the following days. After a few days you may be tempted to check how guilt is about to subside. Often this is bad, because it won't allow her to move forward. Remember that most people overcome stress with anger or depression. Anger is much more productive and allows you to move forward in a healthy way. If you see her with another person, keep calm, because you are the one who left her, and it is time for both of you to move on.
In most cases this can lead to a fight, so be prepared. On the bright side, you'll be honest with yourself and her about the reasons the relationship didn't work out, allowing you to both of them to be more likely to find love in the future. Isn't that what you both want?
Step 3. Don't fool your ex
If you don't want to be friends with him in the future, leave no room for this possibility. Find a nice way to say it. Instead of saying, "Oh, and I don't even want us to be friends, just to tell you," try something like "You know I care about you. I don't think it would be healthy for both of us to remain friends right after we break up. our way, we can be ".
Step 4. Don't spread gossip
Use discretion in announcing the end of the relationship to mutual friends. Bragging about yourself or spreading gossip could hurt a lot a person who is already in a fragile emotional state. Also, you may be encouraging your ex to do the same, and generally provoke immature behavior.
Tell your closest friends, but don't go public about your breakup to acquaintances or people you barely know. It's probably a good idea to tell your close friends what happened between you and your ex. It is probably not such a good idea to communicate this via Facebook or to all the girls in school - you would give the impression that you are desperate
Step 5. Don't be mean
It can be difficult to define mean behavior, but usually you just need to avoid doing the things you would like your girlfriend not to do if she were to break up with you. This is called the golden rule: do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you. That's a really good rule.
Part 2 of 2: What to do
Step 1. Try to minimize emotional suffering
There is no way to keep your ex from hurting. It's like tearing off a band-aid: if you do it in one attempt, the pain will be over soon, but if you do it slowly, the pain will last longer. You can achieve this in a few ways:
Step 2. Be prepared for any kind of emotional reaction
When you leave your girlfriend, you need to be ready for anything. You may encounter sadness, anger, or even apathy. It is natural to feel all of these emotions during a breakup. If you feel like showing emotions, don't hold back. But if the emotions don't come by themselves, don't force them.
Step 3. Give her an honest explanation
That's the least you owe her. If you can't find a real reason why you are no longer interested in the relationship, try thinking about it or talking to a friend about it. You won't have to find the perfect reason, but it will have to be a legitimate explanation. He deserves.
Step 4. Reassure her
If that's the case, let her know why you believe she'll be a great girlfriend for another person in the future. Talk about the aspects of her personality that attracted you initially and the characteristics that you continued to appreciate throughout the relationship. That way, he won't feel so bad; you may increase his self-esteem, which will likely have collapsed due to the separation.
Step 5. Offer to speak to her in the future if she has any questions
Unless you've decided it's absolutely best not to talk to each other after the breakup, give her a chance to discuss her concerns when the situation is calmer. This will give both of you time to think and give her the feeling that she has a chance to take a load off her chest.
