While leaving the sport can be a difficult decision, you shouldn't be afraid to tell your coach. Whether you need more time to dedicate to school or have suffered an injury that prevents you from continuing to train, stand up for your motivations and you will see that you will feel better in the end.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Gain Confidence Before Discussion
Step 1. Determine why you want to quit
Talking to your coach will be easier once you determine your reasons for leaving. It may be that they are very obvious, for example due to a medical problem, or that you simply feel overwhelmed or stressed by your schedule. Being able to voice what you hear will help you talk to your coach. Possible reasons include:
- A medical problem or injury.
- The need to devote more time to school or work.
- The fact that you don't enjoy yourself anymore.
- Lack of time.
- Personal or family reasons.
- Bullying by the coach or teammates.
Step 2. Find another solution
If you are sorry to leave or are unsure of your decision, you may find an alternative way to stay on the team. Think about your situation: can you and your coach reach a compromise so that you stay?
- If you plan to quit because sport is taking up too much space in your life, maybe your coach could cut your training hours or reschedule them to better fit your schedule.
- If you have problems with other team members, ask the coach to mediate: you may be able to find a solution together.
- If you have suffered an injury, you may want to ask if you can still participate in training and matches by remaining on the bench until you are healed. If you are not sure if you can return to play, you can volunteer for other less demanding tasks, such as becoming the water attendant.
Step 3. Seek moral support
It might be helpful to ask someone to support you in your motivation to leave the team. The person in question could provide you with moral support while you talk to the coach, or they could sign you a statement explaining the reasons why you have to leave.
- If you intend to give up for medical reasons, ask your doctor or therapist to write a letter in which your situation is explained in detail and in which you are recommended to stop sports.
- If you intend to drop out to focus on your studies, you could ask a teacher to write a couple of lines stating that you need more time for school work.
- If you are in middle school or high school, it might be a good idea for your parents to be there when you talk to your coach. Tell them why you want to quit and ask if they would be available to help you break the news.
Step 4. Write down what you want to say
You can prepare for the speech with your coach by writing a draft first: you don't have to write a script, rather write down the reasons why you want to quit and how you intend to tell him about it.
- Think about possible reactions to the news. Do you think he will be understanding? Are you worried about him getting angry? Try to prepare for his reaction as you write down your reasons to figure out how to respond to any objections.
- Be firm but polite. Emphasize that you want the best for the team, but that now leaving is the right thing for you.
Step 5. Practice with a friend or family member
A great way to increase self-confidence before meeting the coach is to practice speaking with someone, asking them if they are willing to help you in this situation.
- If you can't find anyone available, you can practice in front of a mirror.
- It is preferable not to inform your teammates before the coach: it is better that he hears it from you and not from rumors of the locker room.
Step 6. Have a pep talk
You may be nervous at the thought of discussing the matter with your coach, so before you do that, load up with a few motivational phrases to build your confidence and calm your nerves.
- You might say things like, “You can do it; just tell him how you feel”.
- You may want to remind yourself that you will feel much better when you finish the talk, so encourage yourself to do so.
- Try to frame the discussion in a positive light, remembering how relieved you will be once it is over, since you will no longer have this worry.
Part 2 of 3: Confronting Your Trainer
Step 1. Ask him if you can talk after training
It is important to have a time when you can speak for yourself. Before starting training, ask your coach if, at the end, he can devote you a couple of minutes: in this way you will warn him that you need to discuss something, so he will not leave before you can.
- Try saying something like: "Can we talk after training? There is something I need to discuss with you ".
- If he asks you what it is, you can tell him that you would like to talk about your future in the team and that you will clarify the matter later.
Step 2. Tell him you intend to quit
When it comes to talking, you should tell your manager directly that you are leaving the team. By saying it clearly and showing off confidence, you will let him know that your intentions are serious. It is good to let him know that you have thought about it a lot and that you think it is the right decision for you.
- You could tell him: "I've been thinking about it for a few weeks and I feel like I have to leave the team."
- Another way to say it is: “I have to focus on other goals, so I intend to leave the team”.
Step 3. Describe why you intend to leave
You should give your coach your motivations: even if he will try to change your mind, explaining to him why you want to leave will show him that you have thought about it a lot.
- You could tell him, “I have to focus on something else right now; my grades have worsened and I have to commit myself to improve my school average and open the doors to the world of work ".
- If you have a pain in your leg, explain that you have gone to the doctor and that he has communicated the diagnosis of a torn meniscus, so you will not be able to play for some time. Add that you intend to use this period to pursue other interests in your life.
- If you have a letter from your doctor or professor, it's time to show it, saying it will clarify the problem better.
Step 4. Let him know if there is a possibility that you will consider staying
Maybe you intend to quit because you have some problems with the team or you think your manager may be able to meet your needs. If there is a reason why you might be staying, you should let him know about it, as he may be available to help you solve your problem.
- Speak honestly and report to your manager if you have had any arguments with any teammates and tell him that unless you work out a solution together you think it is best to leave.
- Another possibility is to say that you need more time to study so as not to worsen your grades and that, for example, it would be convenient for you to skip the weight training session in order to manage your time in a better way.
- If you are being bullied by the coach, it may be advisable not to inform him in case he is the problem, otherwise he could turn his anger towards you. Instead, tell him that you intend to leave for personal reasons and avoid provoking him.
Step 5. Let him know when you are going to quit
It is a good idea to let your manager know how long you intend to stay on the team so that he can organize accordingly. Tell him a date as the deadline for your presence.
- For example, you could tell him that you intend to stay until the end of the season, but not beyond.
- Alternatively, you could tell him that you only intend to stay for a couple of weeks and that you are sorry to have to leave in the middle of the season.
Step 6. Thank him for his help
Make sure he knows how much you appreciated the help he gave you from the start: sincere thanks can show him your gratitude for the positive influence and support he has provided you in sport.
You might say, “It's hard to leave and I really appreciate what he did; thank you very much for believing in me”
Step 7. If you can't meet him, write him an email
It's the best solution, in case you can't see it in person. You can look up his email address in school, college or sports directories, or you can try writing him a letter and ask a teammate to deliver it to him.
- It is not a good idea to let him know the news in writing, unless it is impossible for you to speak to him in person, for example because you have to leave suddenly and you cannot participate in another training or you have to undergo medical treatment and you no longer have the opportunity to see him.
- You can write a letter like this: “It's hard for me to tell you this news, but I have to leave the team. I'm sorry I couldn't tell him in person, but I have to go back to my city for personal reasons and I won't be able to finish the season. I don't know if it will be possible for me to play again, but I thank you for your support and the work we have done together: I really appreciate that”.
- If you are attending middle school or high school, you could copy your parents' address, or you could ask them to write it for you.
Part 3 of 3: Managing a Bossy Trainer
Step 1. Bring someone with you to the meeting
If your coach is known to have violent and offensive behavior, you should ask someone for help: they may be more inclined to use more polite language in the presence of someone who is not part of the team. Consider bringing a family member, teacher, or friend.
Step 2. Always speak in the first person
Avoid blaming him or using an accusatory tone - you risk making him even more angry. Rather, always speak in the first person (ie saying "I" and not "you") to focus on your needs and, in doing so, ease the tension.
For example, instead of accusing him of making you stay an hour longer at training, you could tell him that you don't find time to do your homework and that you need to focus more on studying
Step 3. Stand up for yourself
The coach may try to convince you to change your mind. Let him know that your intentions are serious, that you have thought about it very carefully, and that unless significant changes are made, you will not stay.
You could say that you appreciate everything the team has done for you, but that you feel it is time to leave, as you need time to manage your current personal situation
Step 4. Ignore the insults
If the coach reacts in an angry way or with insults, try to ignore them. He may accuse you of being someone who gives up easily or make you feel guilty to convince you to stay, in which case you remain firm and steadfast in your decision. You reply that you are not one who gives up easily, but that you know your limits and that you have other things to focus on in your life.
Your coach may also try to tell you that you are wrong or that you will regret your decision. You can respond to this by saying that you know it is the right decision for you right now and that you may regret both leaving the team and not leaving it
Advice
- Shake his hand before you leave. It will be a way to show him respect and thank him.
- It is better to decide to leave the team at the start of the season, rather than postpone and be a cause for disappointment for the group.
- If your coach tries to convince you, don't listen to him, but try to stay focused on your decision, otherwise he'll think you're still interested in the sport.
- If you leave, do it privately so that you can deal with it alone.
Warnings
- It can be difficult to give up a sport, especially if you have dedicated years of time and commitment to it, but try to see it as an opportunity to pursue other interests.
- There is nothing wrong with leaving a sport. If your coach says that you are the one who gives up easily, reaffirm your strengths and abilities, stand firm and remember what is best for you.
