There is no formula for asking a girl out, but you can use a few tactics to not feel too nervous. Read on to discover the most effective ones!
Steps
Method 1 of 3: The Casual Approach
Step 1. Get to know it
Asking a girl out will be easier if you've already talked a few times. You don't have to be his best friend, but you'll make the request easier if you say hello and chat from time to time.
- Talk to her about light themes whenever you get the chance. If you come across her in the school hallway or on the sidewalk, stop her and try to talk about school, work, weather, popular shows, or any other topic you find interesting.
- Interact with her in a group setting. If she is always surrounded by other people, make friends with them to get closer to her. Talk to everyone and befriend her friends, paying special attention to the girl you like (at least half of your comments should be aimed at her).
Step 2. Create a plan
Sure, you want to look casual and comfortable the moment you ask, but a little preparation doesn't hurt.
- The benefit of this method is to prepare your reaction if he refuses you and to minimize the tension or pressure between the two of you. In short, your spontaneity and joking tone should be lightly studied to control the situation.
- Think about a possible first date. When you ask her out, you should also suggest where you might go. Usually, people opt for an informal activity that gives the opportunity for conversation, so you can invite her to have a coffee, to the zoo or to a museum. If you opt for the cinema, make sure that after the movie you can have a bite to eat or have a drink together, as you will not be able to talk in the hall.
Step 3. Wait for the right opportunity to approach and propose to go out:
you don't want to do it in front of a group of people, you have to be alone. Otherwise, you risk embarrassing her, leading to possible rejection.
- Before you ask her out, you should be able to have a conversation with her. In other words, don't rush to invite her if you barely say "Hi" to yourself. Once you have established a more or less friendly relationship, wait for the ideal moment, with no foreseeable interruptions, to invite her out.
- If this opportunity doesn't arise naturally, create it. When you meet her but she isn't alone, ask her if you can talk privately for a moment, but don't act tense or overly serious. You can offer to talk to her after school or work, in the park or in a coffee shop.
Step 4. Engage her with a light conversation
Set the mood by chatting casually for a few minutes before inviting her. You will lower the tension and put her at ease.
- You can start by asking her about her day or the week just passed. You can also tell about yours.
- Also talk about any interests you may share to keep the conversation going.
Step 5. He says he is happy to have a good relationship with her
Create a bridge between the light conversation and the romantic subject by focusing on the friendly relationship you already have.
- Do this immediately after laughing together, agreeing on something, or creating a good atmosphere.
- Say it in a casual but sincere way. You won't have to give a dramatic speech!
- Good example: “You know, I always enjoy talking to you. It seems we have a lot in common and we get along quite well, don't you think?”.
- Bad example: “You are the only person in the world that I get along so well with. I would be destroyed if you weren't part of my life ":
Step 6. Confess your feelings and ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend if she agrees with your statement
- Confess how you feel sincerely, but don't bother her.
- However, avoid asking him in a way that seems superficial. He shouldn't doubt your words.
- Good example: “Actually, I was hoping we could be more than just friends. I like you a lot and I would like to go out with you”.
- Bad example: “Actually, you're not just a friend to me. I love you more than words can say. Please be my girlfriend. I swear I'll make you happier than any other guy. Can you tell me yes? ".
- Bad Example: “Actually, now that I think about it, you're really sexy. We should really be together”.
Step 7. React calmly, whatever his response is
Maybe you feel the urge to scream for joy if she says yes, or to get sad if she says no. In any case, you will have to answer with confidence.
- If he says yes, then congratulations! You can smile, laugh, confess your nervousness and tell her that her response relieved you or explain that your intentions are serious. That said, don't overdo your reaction. For example, don't get up and start dancing!
- If he rejects you, accept it kindly and with your head held high. Don't insult her, don't accuse her of relegating you to the friend zone, don't beg her to change her mind or demand explanations to the point of making her angry or bursting into tears. Rather, thank her for her honest answer and tell her you understand her.
- If he tells you that he has to think about it, the speech is complicated and perhaps it is better to meet, but do not wait long because you could lose the question over time.
Method 2 of 3: The Felt Approach
Step 1. Become his friend
Take your time to nurture your friendship and then progress it to something more.
You may fear being relegated to the friend zone, but the truth is that many girls need to feel safe with a guy before considering dating. By letting her know that you really care as a friend and a human being, you will earn her trust
Step 2. Ask her to spend time together, but without pressure
When you've gotten to the point where you can go out together without the rest of the group, invite her on a date with you.
- If you want to proceed with caution, suggest that they go to a familiar but different place, like a new bar or park that you both want to see.
- If you want to be a little more daring, ask her to spend the afternoon or evening with you, without revealing your plans. You can take her out for dinner, see a show at the theater, or dance.
- You insist on paying. If she wants to do it, tell her it's up to you because you invited her.
Step 3. You could buy her an inexpensive gift
Unless you always give her a little thought, a small gift will make her feel different and special, and maybe she'll start seeing you in a new light.
- Go for flowers, chocolates, or stuffed animals.
- Avoid expensive jewelry and clothing.
Step 4. Tell her how you feel
After spending time with friends, introduce the conversation by stating that you have something important to tell her. Explain to her honestly your feelings and that you want her to be your girlfriend.
- Don't put pressure on her but, at the same time, don't seem careless. You have to be genuine, but not pushy.
- Good example: “I feel really good with you and I consider you important. I can't help but have feelings for you. If you feel that way too or if you think I could become your boyfriend, I'd be really happy to go out with you”.
- Bad example: "Um, yes, I wanted to tell you that I think we need to be together."
- Bad example: “I've never told you this before, but I love you and I want you to be mine. I don't know how I could live without you”.
Step 5. Please welcome his response
React calmly and civilly, whatever that is.
- If she wants to be with you, tell her you're happy, but don't go crazy!
- Don't force her to say yes. If she hesitates before giving you an answer, don't start begging her.
- Confirm that a negative answer won't put an end to the friendship. If she doesn't share your feelings right now, don't say goodbye. Admit you were disappointed, but reassure her that you will remain friends. Who knows, he might change his mind. But don't be friends with him for that reason alone. However, if you are in too much pain, you better stop seeing her, or you will confuse both of you.
Method 3 of 3: The Mysterious Approach
Step 1. Talk to her in person
While you may be tempted to play the "secret admirer" card to ask her out, try to talk to her face to face to make sure she knows who you are before giving her clues about your feelings.
- Before using this approach, make sure you have a good relationship with her. You may have only recently known her, but when you have a conversation, you should smile and maintain a friendly atmosphere.
- You might want to start getting closer as soon as you realize you have feelings for her.
- This strategy works even better if you manage to have a good deal of timing: while you get to know each other better, send her the clues, so that she suspects and hopefully you are responsible for these mysterious displays of affection.
Step 2. Leave her a note by signing yourself as a secret admirer
Leave her a note without revealing your identity to create an aura of mystery around the situation; if this girl is curious by nature, you will attract her interest.
- Write his name on the card so he knows there was no misunderstanding. Obviously, don't sign yourself.
- Don't give her the impression of being a stalker; uses a sweet, discreet and light language.
- Don't be afraid to be a little cheesy. This may not work in person, but on such a ticket it does.
- While you don't have to write an essay about your love for her, briefly elaborate on your feelings to let her know that your interest is real and that you are not joking.
- Good example: “For Gianna. I am writing this letter to let you know that you have a secret admirer, that is me! You probably don't know who I am yet, but I wanted to tell you that you are a very sweet girl, that I admire your kindness and your intelligence and that there is someone who appreciates you very much ".
- Good example: “Dear Gianna, the reds are red, the violets are blue, here is a little note to tell you that I like you! With love, your secret admirer”.
- Bad example: “My dear, adored Gianna, I love you more than I thought was possible. I observe you every day. I've seen all your photos on Facebook, I've read all your tweets, and I know a lot more about you than you know. Last week, as you were walking home in the dark, I followed you at a distance making sure you come home safe, because I love you so much and would die if anything happens to you. If I could, I'd be watching you day and night. With love, your secret admirer”.
- Bad example: “Hey, you! I like".
Step 3. You can add treats to your secret notes
Set your creativity in motion to choose them - they should be cute and inexpensive.
- Instead of having her deliver a box of chocolates, stick one to the card and write “A sweet treat for a very sweet girl! Your secret admirer”.
- Instead of sending her a bouquet of redheads, attach a flower from the park to the card.
- Do not give her CDs, movies, jewelry or perfumes.
Step 4. Watch out for warning signs
While you take all the necessary precautions to keep her from becoming paranoid, there is still the possibility that this girl will feel uncomfortable receiving anonymous cards and gifts. If she doesn't seem to like it, stop right away.
- For example, stop sending her letters and gifts right away if she tears up the cards or throws them away as soon as she receives them.
- If she suspects you are behind the tickets and starts ignoring or avoiding you, this situation probably makes her uncomfortable.
- If she doesn't suspect you and tells you her uncomfortable feeling, confess your identity and tell her you'll stop sending her tickets now that you know how she feels about it.
Step 5. Leave clues here and there, without specifically saying who you are
You can do this through tickets and in person. After all, the best mysteries are the ones that can be unlocked!
- To do this through tickets, write a remark that allows it to trace back to you. For example, if only a few people know that this girl is obsessed with a certain band, you write that you are listening to their songs, and that they make you think of her.
- To do this in person, flirt without directly expressing your feelings. If your presence in her life increases as she continues to receive tickets, she will begin to suspect it is you.
Step 6. Don't pull it too long
Send her tickets over the course of a few weeks and then tell her who you are. Secret admirers create a nice and fun situation at first, if it's welcome, but then they get annoying if they play the game for months or years.
Step 7. Make the “great revelation” memorable
Instead of suddenly telling her who you are, create a game. As you reveal your identity, you should also make her understand unambiguously that you want her to be your girlfriend.
- Don't write sentences like "PS: I'm Giovanni Bianchi".
- Ask her to meet you if she wants to know who you are. Pick a public, neutral place so you don't worry about it.
- Tell her your intentions in the tickets. Tell her you want her to be your girlfriend.
- Good example: “I think it's time to stop secrets and finally ask you to go out with me. If you want to know who I am, I will wait for you in front of the bar near the office / school on Thursday at 12”.
- Bad example: “I can't take it anymore. I want you to be mine. I'll wait outside your house tomorrow morning to find out what your answer is”.
- Give her one last surprise at the meeting, like a bouquet of flowers or her favorite candy.
Step 8. Don't fret over his answer
Remember that she may feel flattered by your affection, but don't feel the same about you.
- If she agrees to be your girlfriend, keep calm but show her that you are happy.
- If she doesn't want to, don't get angry or make her feel guilty for wasting your time.
