You've reread the email three times and it still feels like that message was nothing but rude. But you should call and clarify if it was the sender's intent to be rude, or not?
The etiquette on the net and at work is very important. Allowing education to fail just because the medium used for communication gives people the courage to be more direct than in a face-to-face conversation is not acceptable. It is also important to be realistic and objective about emails that you think are rude but in reality may not be. So the next time your boss or colleague sends you what you think is a rude email, here's what you can do.
Steps
Step 1. Try to figure out how to recognize a rude email
It is easy to misunderstand the intent, tone and words of an email. Of course, these messages lack facial expressions, tone of voice and body language, so if you feel overwhelmed by work, low in sugar and just want to go home, it can be easy to mistakenly think that an email has connotations. negative even when you don't have them. Look for these signs to identify a potential rude email:
- The language used is clearly inappropriate and derogatory. (If you receive an email full of profanity, it is likely a violation of your company policies and something very unprofessional. It could even be grounds for legal action, depending on the severity of the content, especially if you feel threatened, harassed, or offended.)
- The email is written in all caps (screamed) or specific parts expressing requests or condescension are all written in capital letters. (Keep in mind that some bosses and coworkers still haven't quite figured out how to use the Caps Lock key, so you'll just have to forgive them for their laziness or lack of practicality.)
- The email is basically a request, without greetings, thanks or signature. Not writing your name or signing is not bad for repeated emails, but if it is the first email of a new topic, which is sent to make requests or give instructions, it is rude to overlook these little courtesies in the workplace.
- The email refers to you in an unkind way and makes accusations, suggesting that you do something or pay the consequences.
- A rude email could contain many question or exclamation marks. Repeated uses of "!!!!!" And "?????" they are often seen as rudeness or condescending expressions. However, those symbols can also be used to give more emphasis to the text, so don't just use this sign as proof.
- The sender has entered the head of both as a method to "force" you to do something among the recipients for information.
Step 2. Read the email carefully before you get an idea of its meaning
If you decided it was rude after a quick first read, it is very important to read it more carefully. Even if you read it carefully when you first read it, read it again to make sure you haven't missed anything or misinterpreted any passage. It's a good idea to ask yourself what it was about the message that upset you a lot. This can be another clue as to what the content should make you understand; for example, if you are already having an argument with a colleague or your boss, and the email comes as a conclusion to a heated discussion, chances are you will read it with some prejudice. Conversely, if there are no signs that your co-worker or boss is bothering you, you may not be interpreting the message well.
- What is the reason behind the words?
- Is the person who wrote you known for their communication difficulties or is it someone who is normally polite? Even people who are usually polite may have trouble getting their message across effectively via email.
- Maybe this person is just putting on a show, trying to sound more assertive via email than he or she has the courage to openly do? In this case it could be some kind of bluff in the hope that you do something that person is too afraid to ask you face to face.
- Are there elements of the message that you simply don't understand? In this case, it is best not to jump to conclusions before you understand more. People who type quickly often skip words, and some people don't think correct punctuation or spelling is needed in emails. Furthermore, there is a growing trend to use the language of SMS in emails, and this can make them difficult to interpret, especially if you are unfamiliar with it.
Step 3. Avoid assuming you know the sender's emotional state
Poor communication skills, poor irony, and simple lazy or poor writing can lead a reader to believe that the message is rude when in reality it is just a misunderstanding. Remember that few people are able to write well in a short time and that most people write quickly to get rid of the message, to be able to move on to something else.
There are exceptions to this rule of course. If you already have personal problems with the sender, it is possible that that person is letting their emotional state shine through in their communications. But remember to evaluate the message based on the context, not your prejudice
Step 4. Avoid replying, using a technique called "re-read, don't react"
Until you have the impression that you have objectively understood the message and are not sure that you have calmed down, it is important not to respond. If you do this quickly, you may be tempted to use the same rude tone, making it worse. Even worse would be to respond rude when the sender's original intent was not to offend you! So, take a break. Close the email and take a walk. Have a cup of coffee, stretch, and distract your mind for a while. That way, when you come back feeling a little calmer, you can reread the email and decide if it upsets you as well as the first time you read it.
- Never reply if you are angry and always let a night pass before sending an angry reply. There can be long-term consequences to angry words written in black and white.
- The more emotionally involved you become and the more upsetting the email, the more important it is to let a night pass before replying.
Step 5. Look for clarification
If you can, your best bet is to introduce yourself to the sender in person and ask what they meant by their email. Direct communication is the best way to clarify. However, this is often not possible. Try using the phone as a second choice. Talking on the phone will allow you to clarify the situation much faster than an email exchange. And if you really have no other choice, or it just feels more appropriate to respond by email, write a polite and professional response. Eg:
- "Dear Gianni, Thanks for your message. I'm not sure I understand what you meant by" Do you think you can find the strength to stay away from the coffee machine and start working on the Carta case? I'm wondering if I shouldn't be forced to reconsider your role here. "I have to say that I found it to be a rather abrupt tone and a lack of gratitude for my professionalism. I am aware that there is a deadline and I am on time to meet it; I was just taking a little break to freshen up before returning to complete the report. If you are concerned about my progress, I will be happy to come to your office or call and explain the status of my work. Yours sincerely, Marco."
- Or maybe you want to use a more ironic approach (you will have to work in an environment that allows you to do this!): "Dear Gianni, Thanks for your insightful email. I understand that being next to the coffee machine can be perceived as a waste of time. However, you will be glad to know that as a result of my micro pause of exactly 2 minutes and 23 seconds, I have discovered that Franco has already worked with similar numbers to those in our report and this means that I can finish it tonight instead of tomorrow morning. to forward the finished report to you before I go home tonight By the way, I really like your new shoes, I noticed them behind the booth when I was drinking coffee Marco.
Step 6. Review your answer after writing it
Reread it at least three times to make sure you didn't respond in an offensive or overly emotional way. Keep a professional and polite tone and remove anything unnecessary or refer to the other person's mood. Write simple emails, direct and without provocative statements. As the email etiquette suggests, write to others what you would like them to write to you.
Remember that you are setting an example of education by not resorting to rudeness or innuendo. Professional firmness is appropriate, but insults, insults, accusations and abuses are not; nor use a format that makes the email appear aggressive (abuse of exclamation marks, etc.)
Step 7. Remember that in some cases the right choice is not to answer
Maybe the sender didn't know all the facts, woke up in a bad mood that day, or didn't have a clear idea for some reason. If you think it might be better to leave it alone and there is no need to confirm what was written, or there is no need to answer a question, etc., consider letting the message go unanswered. Act as if you never received it, and continue to do your job as normal.
Step 8. Talk to your boss or HR department if it seems like the offending emails are recurring
You shouldn't be subjected to rudeness, harassment, or threats at work. Harassment and threats can be prosecuted, and rudeness is something that has no place in a well-managed work environment. Keep emails about yourself as evidence of what you have been through, so you can support what you are saying.
Step 9. Lead by example
If you are unsure whether to send an email you wrote when you were feeling anxious, angry or annoyed, and you think your feelings may be leaking too much from your words, risking sounding rude, save the message as a draft or delete it. Don't send it until you've had enough time to think. Be the first to always write polite and professional emails.
Advice
- Suggest some etiquette lessons to teach in the workplace. If no one knows how to give this seminar, look for an external professional who knows how to do it; this could be a sign that these lessons are needed!
- If you want to vent your anger in writing, do it in an email or a blank Word document. This way you can delete the message without sending it by mistake.
- Writing an email is difficult even for professionals; expressing emotions and intentions correctly is not always possible with a written message. Even if it were, the recipient may not understand.
- Remember that you don't have to put the best face on a bad situation when someone takes a bad day out on you. We all have them, but it is still important not to behave rudely towards others.
- One way to deal with a colleague who always sends you rude messages is to put your boss in the recipients for knowledge every time you reply. Use a polite, non-threatening tone and let your colleague's words speak for themselves.
- If the sender is someone who has often written offensive emails, consider this when reading the email.
Warnings
- Some people are time bombs and will retort with even more anger if you respond rude. Write in a polite and professional manner, and if you have any concerns or fear, talk to your boss or HR department to resolve the issue.
- Avoid getting in the habit of emailing your co-workers and boss about every little thing when it only takes a few steps to talk to them in person. A work environment where everyone writes emails and does not communicate by voice despite the proximity, risks becoming monotonous and not very funny and the quality of communication will suffer.
- Any offensive, libelous, harassing, defamatory, or racist content in an email can be the subject of a lawsuit. Emails can be used as evidence in most jurisdictions, and whoever sends them can face penalties or even dismissals. If you think an email may contain something inappropriate, talk to your boss or the human resources office for advice, or your lawyer if you don't want to talk about it in the workplace.
