Nobody said being a good father is easy. It doesn't matter how old your children are or how old they are, but you need to know that fatherhood never ends. To be a good father, you need to be present, impose good discipline and a role model, and be in tune with the needs of children without being excessive. If you want to know how to be a good father, just follow these steps.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Being Present
Step 1. Make time for your children
They don't care if you just got a big promotion at the company or if you don't own the most expensive home on the market. What they care about is whether or not you have time to be home for dinner, take them to the baseball game on Sunday, and if you'll be available for that movie night. If you want to be a good father, then you need to set aside time every day for your kids - or, at least, every week - no matter how busy you are.
- Put this time on your agenda. Perhaps your best evenings for your kids are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Take some extra time during those days and don't let other commitments get in your way.
- If you have more than one child, then you should take the time to be with each child individually so that you can develop personalized relationships with each.
- If you're so tired that you can't take your child to basketball, do something else with him instead, like watching a sports game or a basketball-themed movie. It is important that you are there mentally as well as physically.
Step 2. Be there for milestones
While planning "dad's time" for your kids each week is a great way to strengthen your relationship, you should also try to be there for the important milestones in their lives. Plan your work schedule so you can be there for your child's first day of school, your daughter's first ballet performance, or their high school graduation.
- Your children will remember these moments for the rest of their lives and having you there with them will mean a lot.
- You can also be very busy when one of your children is about to reach a milestone, but if you are not there, you will regret it later.
Step 3. Teach your children the important lessons
You should also be there to teach your children how to do the most basic activities in life. You can help your child use the bathroom, brush their teeth properly, and drive when the time comes. You can also teach your kids how to shave and maintain good hygiene. Your kids will need to learn the big life lessons, as well as the smallest daily activities.
- Share these lessons with your wife. Both of you should teach your children the important things they need to know in order to grow.
- Help your children learn from their mistakes. If they've done something wrong, you should help them understand why and talk about how to avoid the behavior in the future, rather than just punishing them and moving on.
Step 4. Develop deep communication
Being present at the important moments in your children's life is essential, as is being able to communicate with your children when you are with them. You don't always have to do something exciting with your children to make them happy to go out with you - you just have to focus on being able to communicate with them and understand their concerns and what they are fighting for.
- Be sure to converse with your children every day, so you know what is bothering them, what awaits them that week and what is on their mind.
- Don't superficially ask "How was your day?" without really wanting to know the answer.
- If your teens are teenagers or busy college students, then they may not want to discuss the details of their days with you. Just check them out often enough for them to know that you care for them without them feeling suffocated.
Step 5. Plan trips with your children
To be a good father, you should take the time to go on trips with your children - with or without mom. You can go on trips every year with your teens to fish, take a trip to the beach with your daughter or even a camping trip that the kids will never forget. Whatever it is, try to make it special and memorable by repeating it at least once a year to develop a fun dad-centered routine.
- If the boys' mother is present on trips, take time to be alone with the children whenever possible.
- Planning these trips a couple of months in advance will give your kids something fun and different to look forward to.
Step 6. Make time for yourself
While it is important that you are there with your children, you should still try to carve out private moments whenever possible, spending Sunday afternoons doing your thing, running half an hour each morning or relaxing with a good book. every night before bedtime. You should put your children's interests first, but not neglect your own.
- If you don't take a few moments for yourself, you won't be able to relax, recharge your batteries and give your children the time and attention they deserve.
- You may have a special room or chair in the house where the children know they don't have to bother you. Help them get used to the idea of time for yourself and explain to them that you will dedicate yourself to your things for a while - as long as they don't really need you.
Method 2 of 4: Proper Discipline
Step 1. Reward your children appropriately
Disciplining isn't just about punishing your kids when they've made a mistake. It's also about rewarding them when they do something good to encourage them to repeat that behavior. If they have been good - for example, they helped a younger brother with a difficult task or proved mature enough to walk away from an argument - you should let them know how proud you are of them by taking them to their favorite restaurant or just doing everything possible to let them know how much you appreciate their correct behavior.
- When children are younger, rewarding them with your love can help them understand how proud you are of them.
- While occasionally offering children a reward or a new toy when they behave well can reinforce correct behavior, they should not be the only incentive. They should be motivated because you have taught them to distinguish right from wrong.
- Don't reward your kids for something you expect from them, like doing chores around the house or keeping clean. If that happens, then they just seem to be doing you a favor.
Step 2. Punish your children appropriately
To apply proper discipline, you have to punish them when they make a mistake. This does not mean becoming physically or psychologically cruel - it simply means allowing them to understand when they have made a mistake and showing that there are consequences for their actions. When the child is old enough to understand this, he must realize that he is making a mistake.
Make sure you and your wife agree on the punishment for children. The consequences should be the same, regardless of whether mom or dad witnesses the action. This will help you avoid the "good cop, bad cop" rule
Step 3. Be consistent
Being consistent is just as important as having a system of punishments and rewards. If your child misbehaves, the consequences should be the same every time, even if he is uncomfortable or tired or out in public. And if the baby does something great, don't forget to make him feel special no matter how tired or stressed you are.
If you don't behave consistently, children will know that reactions can be influenced by your moods
Step 4. Don't scream
While you may feel angry about your children's behavior, yelling is not the solution. If you have to scream, try screaming when alone, in the shower or against a pillow. Try not to yell at your babies, no matter how bad the situation is. You can raise the volume of your voice slightly to let them know they made a mistake, but if you yell or shout, they will be afraid of you and won't want to communicate.
While it may be difficult, you shouldn't let your kids watch you lose control
Step 5. Don't get violent
No matter how angry you are - avoid hitting, hurting or grabbing your children. This will harm them physically and emotionally and make them want to avoid you at all costs. If your children understand that you can become violent, they will freeze and will not want to be around you. Avoid being abusive to your children or their mom if you want to earn their respect.
Step 6. Be feared and loved
It is important that children know that you are strictly disciplined and that they cannot make fun of you, but it is equally important that they want your love and affection and that they have a great time getting together with you. To be a good father, you need to find a happy medium between imposing harsh lessons and also making your children feel loved and valued.
- If you worry too much about being feared, then your children may not feel comfortable enough to open up to you.
- If you are too worried about being loved, then your children may see you as an easy prey that fails to rule.
Method 3 of 4: Be a Good Role Model
Step 1. Lead by example
If you want them to follow you by example, your motto should be "do as I say And how do I do, "so your kids will know that you are not being a hypocrite when you teach them to distinguish between right and wrong. If you want your children to act in a way that meets your expectations, they should see your positive behavior first. Here are some ways you can lead by example:
- If you don't want your kids to smoke or drink excessively, for example, then you shouldn't be doing these things in front of them - or everyone.
- If you want your kids to treat people with kindness and respect, then they need to see you treat people with respect, from the waiter in your local restaurant to a vendor.
- If you want your kids not to fight, then don't fight with their mother right in front of them.
Step 2. Treat your children's mother with respect
If you want to be a good role model, then you need to treat your teen's mom with respect. If you are married to her, you should show them how much you love her, help her, and enjoy her company. If, on the other hand, you are mean to your wife, the kids will understand that it's okay to be mean to mom or other people, because dad does it.
- Treating your children's mother with respect also means sharing household chores and childcare with her.
- Show your kids that you pamper their mom, giving her all the love and affection she deserves.
- You should not only treat your children's mother with respect, but also love her and work on cultivating a loving, fun, and fulfilling relationship. If your children's mother is happy, then everyone else is happy too.
- If you and the children's mother are divorced, then you should never tell them anything negative about their mom, even if you are not on the best of terms. Allowing them to see your less than ideal relationship with their mother will make them stressed and confused.
Step 3. Admit your mistakes
You don't have to be perfect to be a good role model. In fact, it is better if you are not perfect, because children will understand that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. If you made a mistake - for example, you forgot to pick up the child from school at the right time or you lost your temper - you should apologize and admit that you made a mistake.
- If you can swallow your pride in front of your kids, then they will understand that it's okay for them to admit that they did something wrong too.
- Admitting when you're wrong takes more character than "doing the right thing" every single time.
Step 4. Help around the house
If you want your kids to help you around the house, then you should help with the housework too, no matter how nerve-wracking your job is. Let them see you washing the dishes, cleaning the tables and vacuuming the carpet and they will want to help too. If they think cleaning is just mom's job, then they will be much less likely to help when the time comes.
Helping around the house will not only make your wife happy, it will also help the children understand that you and your wife work as a team and that they should participate too
Step 5. Earn the respect of your children
Respect is earned, it is not given, and you should do what you can to make your children respect you as a father. If you're never home, yelling at their mom, or just occasionally in the mood to put them in line, then they won't respect you just because you're the father. You must act admirably, honestly, and consistently for your children to see that you are a model father and a person worthy of their admiration.
Your children shouldn't adore you and think you are perfect - they should understand that you are only human and want to do their good
Step 6. Fill your children with love and affection
Even if you think being a good role model means being a little distant but always doing the right thing, it actually means being 'connected' enough to kiss and hug your guys and let them know how much they mean to you. Don't let a day go by without saying "I love you," offering your children physical affection and letting them know how important they are to you.
- Your children desire love and affection from you no matter how old they are.
- Praise your children and let them know that your life would not be the same without them.
Method 4 of 4: Be Understanding
Step 1. Accept that your children are not you
While you may have wished your children to continue the family business, attend your college or be a high school soccer star like you, you must accept that children are different people with their own needs and desires that may not coincide with. yours. You may think that your path is the only way to happiness, but, to be a good father, you must accept that your children may have a different idea of how to manage their life.
- While you may believe that you are doing your best when you are explaining to your children what to do or how to live their life, in reality you are undermining their independence by trying to control them.
- It takes time to accept your children's wishes. If you don't immediately understand why your child wants to be an artist while you are a doctor, ask him to explain it to you and spend time listening and understanding.
- If you try to control your children too much, they may resent it and stop opening up to you.
- Let your children make their own decisions by allowing them to be independent and open-minded. Even if you'd prefer them to play baseball, sign them up for different activities and let them decide what they love the most.
Step 2. Be aware of the changing times
To be a good father, you need to understand that children are not growing up in the same environment that you were raised in - even if you are from the same age. With globalization, the influence of social media and the politics of change in today's society, children are likely to be weaker than you but more aware of the problems and changes in today's world.
- Also you need to be aware that things like body piercing, premarital sex, and around the world are more common today than they were long ago. Accept that your children are a product of the times and that they want to explore the world more than you did.
- You may feel like you know exactly how the world should turn, but you need to let your children express themselves and share their perspectives with you.
Step 3. Accept your children's mistakes
If you want to be an understanding father, then you have to accept that, like you, your children are not perfect and that they also need to make mistakes. Life is full of mistakes that help children learn, and you have to accept that a lot of lessons are needed - if your child has a minor car accident, fails an exam because he doesn't study or goes out with the wrong girl when he should realize it.
- If you don't let the kids get it wrong from time to time, then they won't learn anything. Even if you want to protect them, allowing them to make their own mistakes will help them make more informed decisions.
- You should still reprimand your children appropriately when they make a mistake, but you should also explain to them what they did wrong, instead of just scolding them.
Step 4. Find out if your kids are struggling
If you want to be a good father, then you need to be aware of when they are having a particularly difficult time and be attentive to their needs. Maybe your son is in crisis because you moved to a new city and has no friends or maybe your daughter is going through her first relationship breakup and is emotionally strained.
- Even if you can't completely excuse your kids' distant or emotional behavior, you should be aware of what's going on in their heads so you can be more understanding and talk to them when they're in trouble.
- Simply say, "I know you are having a hard time. Do you want to talk about it?" it will help your children understand how much you care.
- Try putting yourself in your baby's shoes. Understanding his motives will help you understand his behavior.
Step 5. Don't place unreasonable expectations on your children
A child's life can be filled with pressures from siblings, classmates, teachers, and coaches. Help your child understand their desires and evaluate their abilities and limitations. Help him set achievable goals. Encourage him to fulfill his full potential, but avoid living indirectly through them to accomplish what you hoped to have achieved.
Step 6. Realize that a father's work is never done
Don't think your homework is done when your kids are in their twenties or graduate. While it's important to encourage children to become financially and emotionally independent, it's also important to let them know that you care, value them, and are always there for them.
Advice
- Be patient in everything you do with your children.
- Always listen to them.
- Always speak 'with' them and not 'to' them.
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Practice what you preach by being an example, without excuses.
The aim in educational punishments is to demonstrate to the child that the behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force is rarely (if ever) necessary for this purpose, regardless of the age of the little one. Other measures are often more effective, such as depriving him of something he cares about, and this will help him maintain self-esteem and consideration of you as a parent in the long run. Teaching a child to distinguish what is correct and what is not is a process. Disciplinary methods that appear to lead to immediate results could have negative long-term consequences
- Support your children in time.
