There is no doubt that betrayal by her husband is one of the most painful experiences a wife can have. Even though it is difficult to have clear ideas at such a critical moment, it is necessary to prepare and think carefully to be sure that the comparison will bear fruit.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Preparing for the Confrontation
Step 1. Hide your suspicions until you are sure
Don't seek a confrontation with your husband until you are certain that he is actually cheating on you. There are several reasons behind this behavior:
- If you are wrong and you make such an accusation, you risk damaging your relationship.
- If you are right, but you are not absolutely sure, it will be your word against hers if she lies about her extramarital affair.
- Another approach would be to talk to your husband about the problem without bringing charges against him. If you feel that there is something wrong with your relationship, you should trust how you feel. Even if he's not cheating on you, a little open communication could help strengthen your bond. Try saying something like, "I'm worried that you might be looking for something outside of marriage. Can we talk about it openly and honestly?"
Step 2. Collect evidence
Before confronting your husband, you need to be sure that he is cheating on you, so do everything in your power to obtain evidence, without violating his privacy. Find ways to find the information you need.
- For example, if he checks his phone in your presence, peek a little to see if he's texting a woman. Check to see if the messages contain doom or inappropriate language.
- Notice if you smell a different scent on her clothes when she gets home.
- See if she communicates openly in your presence or sneaks off to some corner of the house to call or text.
- Follow her story and look for any inconsistencies. Since it is not easy to remember all the lies that are told, he may make some mistakes when repeating a made up story about the places he has been. Write what it says so that you are not fooled if you believe it has changed version.
Step 3. Analyze the evidence
Before seeking confrontation, review the evidence you've gathered and make sure it's enough to prevent her from lying about her extramarital affair.
- Based on the evidence you have acquired, think about what he might say to convince you that he is not unfaithful.
- For example, if you find some emails in which he agrees with a colleague to go for a drink and seems to be wooing her, but her infidelity remains a bit ambiguous, ask yourself if these elements combined with what you have already collected are convincing enough. or if you should wait to find out something else.
Step 4. Seek someone's support
Even the mere suspicion that your husband is cheating on you can be emotionally disturbing. Therefore, try to mitigate these negative feelings by confiding in a close friend before confronting your husband.
A friend could offer you moral support, relieve stress and possibly give you some advice
Step 5. Know what you want if the suspicion of the betrayal is real
Before arguing with your husband, try to be clear about what you intend to do once you talk to him about his infidelity. This way you will stay focused and be able to control the conversation, despite the strong emotion. Ask yourself:
- Do you want to end your marriage?
- Do you want to save your relationship?
Step 6. Avoid alcohol and drugs
While they may seem like the right solution to help you find courage, it's best to keep a clear head when confronting your husband.
If you talk to him in an altered state of mind, you may become violent or there is a risk that later you will not be able to remember the details of the conversation. In many cases of domestic violence the use of alcohol and drugs is involved
Part 2 of 2: Starting the Conversation with an Unfaithful Husband
Step 1. Try to stay calm
While this is easier said than done, do your best to keep the situation from escalating. If neither of you can think straight, your husband may take the opportunity to get mad and walk away. If you give him the opportunity to escape this confrontation, there is a risk that he will gain the time necessary to invent a convincing lie. Instead, conduct the conversation calmly and carefully.
- For example, you might say, "I wouldn't accuse you of this lightly, but I'm really worried because you've exhibited behavior that makes me suspect another woman is among us. I'd like to talk to you about it."
- If you start to get excited, try taking a few deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling.
- Don't forget that even though the pain may seem unbearable at first, time will heal any wound.
Step 2. Don't let your husband manipulate the conversation against you
If he tries to accuse you by saying, for example, that you are crazy or that you are invading his personal space, calmly say that his behavior made you seriously worry and that you are trying to understand if he has cheated on you.
Try to stay as rational and logical as possible. Reiterate that his behavior raised doubts in you and that you felt entitled to investigate, as infidelity is a serious matter
Step 3. Ask him why he cheated on you
Try to understand why he sought an extramarital affair - there is usually always a reason. This way you can decide if it's worth trying to save your relationship or if it's time to end it.
Try to figure out if he sounds sincere. At this point, follow your instincts. If you feel like he's saying what you want to hear, be careful
Step 4. Re-evaluate what you want
While you should approach the issue with a clear understanding of whether to end your marriage or save him should he confess his betrayal, reconsider everything based on the tenor of the conversation.
For example, if he admits he has a sex addiction and convincingly shows you that he genuinely wants to get your marriage back, you might change your mind and try a solution
Step 5. If you have children, think about them
Look for a confrontation with your husband when I'm not at home. It may be an emotionally damaging experience for a child to witness this kind of discussion.
If you are unable to speak to your husband when your children are not around, suggest that they go out for dinner. However, instead of going to the restaurant, find a bench in a quiet place to sit and discuss
Step 6. Look for a couple counselor
If you are having trouble talking to your husband about his infidelity or are considering saving your relationship, you may want to consult a marriage counselor to help you deal with the problems that have arisen.
