Your marriage seems over and your wife has told you she wants a divorce. Maybe she even left home. Maybe he's even in a relationship with someone else. How do you stop fighting? How do you make her change her mind and make her stay?
Steps
Step 1. Be confident
Your wife had fallen in love with a happy and balanced person and her world lit up every time you walked into the room. It is understandable that you are unhappy because she is moving away from you, but the more you cling, need her and try desperately to hold on to her, the more unhappy you will be (since it is now evident that she is leaving you), and you will be less and less the person. she had once fallen in love with. Be honest with yourself: Would you like to spend the rest of your life with someone who behaves like you have been doing lately? If you're affable, thoughtful, and fun, he'll want to be around you. She will begin to be attracted to you again (slowly but surely). Try to be confident, but not arrogant, even if it is difficult for you.
Step 2. Identify yourself with your partner
First, it satisfies his emotional needs and then material ones. Does your partner want to drain your current account and buy a sports car? Tell her: "I agree, buying a flashy car would be great fun. Let's go to the showroom this weekend, pretend we're filthy rich and do some test drives. " Notice how you got around (for now) the question of draining your checking account and how you focused on the emotional side instead. This brings you closer. Does your partner tell you that you don't do enough housework? Tell her: "Yes, I agree, I don't even remotely do the amount of work you do at home. I understand how this situation must sometimes irritate you”. Notice how you bypassed (for now) actually taking care of the housework and how you focused on the emotional side instead.
Step 3. After establishing common ground, focus on physical and material needs and wants
If you have gone to the car showroom and had a pleasant time, talk to each other if your partner wants to spend money that you don't have. If you start arguing and your partner says: "You never worry about what I want!", Avoid the question of money and talk to her about how you want to make her happy: this is the first reason why you married her! Then explain to her that in the long run neither of you will benefit from being in debt. Let her know that you'd like to make her feel loved and valued in a different, more sensible way.
Step 4. Talk about your future with her
No need to pretend there are no problems. It won't make them disappear. Spend time talking openly with your partner. Prepare to be emotionally vulnerable and put all your cards on the table. Communicate your feelings and your willingness to acknowledge his. If you love her and want her to give you a chance and be with you, tell her. Offer to have a session with an expert or do anything else that she (or you) think will help.
Step 5. Be honest and ask for sincerity in return
Tell your partner that even if she isn't in love with you at the moment, the least you owe each other is mutual respect. Respect means being honest with one another. If you want to know and think you can handle the situation emotionally, ask her if she is in a relationship with someone. Before asking the question, think about how you might react to the possible answer. If she's in a relationship, tell her how much this discovery hurts you, even if it seems contrary to expectations. Let her know that fidelity is important to you and that you have promised to be faithful to each other. Ask her to end the relationship if you want to rebuild a strong bond that unites you.
Step 6. Be open to change
Agree to make changes to your habits or interactions, if you have the impression that it is useful. Make it clear that you will do your best, but it may take some getting used to. So go all out and prove you're honest. Ask for the same thing in return.
Step 7. If none of the above tips work, forget it
If your partner is in a relationship and isn't willing to give it up, don't stick around. Only together can you save your marriage. If your partner simply does not want to, there is not much you can do, but you owe a sincere attempt before giving up on her and your relationship.
Advice
- Listen to your partner. Let her talk and let off steam. It will help you understand what makes her unhappy and will give you the opportunity to act.
- Don't despair. It's a scary time for you, but all you can do is really try. If it doesn't work out in the end, don't hate yourself. You did your best.
