Nobody likes lies. Unfortunately, being dishonest with others and with ourselves is in some cases easier than telling the truth. But it doesn't have to be: learning to be honest and not feel the need to lie can help you improve your relationships and lighten your conscience. Changing your perspective a little and choosing an honesty policy can help you not need to lie and make you tell the truth more willingly. Start from step 1 to find more information.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Be Honest with Others
Step 1. Try to understand why you lie and to whom
We have all told some lies, to other people and to ourselves, and for different reasons. But developing a systematic plan to be more honest will be difficult if you can't pinpoint these reasons and the people you lie to most often.
- Lies to make a good impression they include hyperbole, embellishments, and inventions that we tell others, and ourselves, to make us feel better about our inadequacies. When you are unhappy for some reason, it is much easier to fill the void with lies than to tell the truth.
- We lie to our peers that we think are better than us because we want their respect. Unfortunately, being dishonest is a disrespect in the long run. Give people the ability to understand you on a deeper level.
- 'Lies that prevent us from embarrassment' include lies told to hide misbehavior, transgressions or activities we are not proud of. If your mom finds a pack of cigarettes in your jacket, you could lie and say they belong to a friend of yours to avoid punishment.
- We lie to authority figures to avoid embarrassment and punishment. When we've done something we feel guilty about, we tell lies to eliminate guilt and avoid punishment.
Step 2. Anticipate the behaviors that cause you guilt
To break the chain of embarrassment and lies, it is important to anticipate the things for which you will regret in the future, and to avoid them. When you lie, you hide an uncomfortable truth that is easier to cover with a lie. You can learn to accept the truth, or avoid behaviors that make you feel embarrassed.
If you smoke, you won't have to lie if everyone knows you do. Admit it: if you can't admit to doing something, you should probably avoid it. It would be humiliating for your partner to find out that you are in an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker, but you won't have to lie if you don't
Step 3. Stop comparing yourself to others
In some cases, we lie to feel better than we are. Because we feel in competition and constantly compare ourselves with others, the easiest way to overcome our inadequacies is a quick creative lie. If you stop feeling competing with others and give yourself the value you deserve, you won't feel the need to lie to look better, because you are already perfect!
- Forget what you think people want to hear from you. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, and assume they're not trying to trick you or manipulate you. Speak from the heart and tell the truth, without ever worrying about making a "bad impression". People respect honesty, even when the truth is inconvenient.
- Let your honesty impress people and not your exaggerations. Many people are dishonest because they try to impress their peers with complex stories that put them a step above the rest. If you can't contribute when everyone tells anecdotes about traveling to the United States, listen in silence and wait for the subject to change, instead of making up a story about your Erasmus year in Cincinnati.
Step 4. Accept the consequences and decide to face them
In some cases, it's better to admit that you've lied, cheated, or done things you're ashamed of, rather than continuing to weave an intricate web of lies. It can be a liberation and an extremely healthy choice to tell the truth. While there will be consequences at the end of your confession, they will be what you deserve.
Step 5. Do things that make you proud of yourself
You won't have to lie if you're happy with what you do! Surround yourself with caring and understanding people who respect you for who you are. Do things that gratify you and make you feel proud.
Getting drunk every night can make you feel good for a couple of hours, but the pangs you feel in your head the next day at work will make you feel ashamed and guilty. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Do not things that make you ashamed.
Step 6. Avoid situations where you have to lie for other people
Be careful when someone tells you something in confidence that you know you should tell another person (such as a crime, a lie, or a harmful act towards someone else). Being aware of this information puts you in a difficult position, especially when the truth eventually emerges and reveals to the person concerned that you knew from the start.
If someone starts a sentence with "I have to tell you something but not tell anyone, ok?", Be prepared to counter with, "If it's something the other person should know, don't tell me. I don't want to be responsible for yours. secrets"
Step 7. Make a distinction between what the person you are talking to needs to know and what you want to say
In some cases, we feel the urgent need to be heard. Speaking badly about a rude roommate, confronting your partner, or arguing with a teacher all seem to require total honesty, but open talk is a quick way to make a relationship worse and say things you don't really mean. To avoid saying too much, try to find the difference between what you need to say because the other person needs to hear it and the things you want to say to feel better.
- A person must know things that can cause you physical or emotional pain, or things that can have the same effect on a third person. Your roommate needs to know that his drinking problem doesn't allow you to feel comfortable around the house, but not that you think his new girlfriend is "no good".
- You might want to say something in a fit of anger or emotion that, upon reflection, you might express in a more friendly way. During an argument in a troubled relationship, you may want to say "You're gaining weight and I'm no longer attracted to you," and while it may be important for your partner to be aware of the situation, you may decide to omit it for other reasons. For example, you could say, "I think we both could live healthier." Make your partner understand the same thing, but in a much more polite way.
Step 8. Always exercise touch
Telling the truth every time is not always the best choice, especially not to hurt people's feelings. Consider the effect of your words and learn to rephrase potentially offensive or objectionable phrases. Learn to express only appropriate opinions.
- Use first-person affirmations when expressing uncomfortable truths. When you share your opinions and truths with other people, try to check your honesty. Focus on expressing your feelings and opinions, in order not to disrespect anyone.
- Try adding at the beginning of your sentences "In my personal experience …" or "Personally, I have seen that …", or end them with "… but this is only my opinion and it is not necessarily the truth".
- Learn to listen silently when others speak, even if you disagree with what they are saying, or if you feel the need to disagree. When it is your time to speak, they will return your courtesy, and your conversations will be more pleasant and honest.
Method 2 of 3: Be Honest with Yourself
Step 1. Give an objective assessment of yourself
It is important to look in the mirror from time to time and understand how you feel. What do you like about yourself? What do you need to work on? It is possible to develop complex psychological barriers that force us into dishonest attitudes, opinions and activities that you could avoid with a more objective assessment of yourself. Write a list of strengths and weaknesses, not to assign a number to your personal worth, but to find things to improve and celebrate your accomplishments.
- Identify your strengths. What's your talent? What do you do better than most people you know? What is your contribution to everyday life? What are you proud of? What are you better at than you once were?
- Identify your weaknesses. What embarrasses you about yourself? What could you do better? Have you gotten worse in any specific area over the years?
Step 2. Deal with the things about yourself that you don't like
Much of our dishonesty stems from the inability to deal with the aspects of our personality that we are ashamed of, or that disgust us. Without dwelling on them, try to define them honestly.
- You may have always hoped to be able to publish your first novel before the age of 30, a goal that is no closer than it was 5 years ago. You may need to get fit, but it's easier to stick with the same routine. Your relationship may be static and making you unhappy, but you can't bring about any major changes.
- As much as you can, try to eliminate excuses. The reasons behind uncomfortable truths don't matter, because you can't go back in time to change them. However, you can change your behavior from today and start being happier.
Step 3. Create opportunities for improvement
From the list of strengths and weaknesses, try to identify areas in which to improve, and specific ways to do so.
- How did one of your strengths become such? What did you do that made you particularly proud? How can these truths move you to improve some of your weaknesses?
- What prevents you from improving? Are they external obstacles, such as a lack of money to pay for the gym membership, or internal, such as a lack of desire to exercise?
Step 4. When you decide to act, complete the action
Lying to yourself is easy. It's easy to find hundreds of reasons not to do something you don't want to do. That's why it happens to us so often! Be harder on yourself. When you decide to end a relationship, or start working, do it right away. Don't wait to find a number of reasons why "this is not the right time". When you make a decision, put it into action.
- Simplify your path to improvement. Create a reward system for when you reach an important goal, such as buying yourself a new guitar when you manage to end a harmful relationship, or taking a vacation after losing a few pounds.
- Reach your goals with digital aids: there are services like Skinny Text that can send you workout reminders on your phone, or like Pact, which will make you spend a certain amount of money if you decide not to train.
Method 3 of 3: Avoid Unnecessary Lies
Step 1. Don't make your stories more colorful
One of the most common lies, which is difficult to resist, is adding made-up details to stories to make them more interesting. It might be tempting to say that a bear broke into your campsite instead of admitting it was a raccoon, but you might set a precedent that will give you justification for lying again in the future. Try to tell the truth and be as honest as possible.
Step 2. Use creativity in "white lies"
Everyone has been asked questions such as: "Does this dress make me look fat?" or "Does Santa Claus really exist?". In some cases, we think we have to lie to make another person feel better or to sweeten an uncomfortable truth, but the choice between being honest and lying isn't always between black and white.
- Emphasize the positives. Take your attention away from the elements that you think are negative. Instead of saying "No, I don't think you look good in those pants," she says, "They don't fit as well as the black dress - that dress really fits you. You tried it on with the stockings you wore at my wedding. cousin last year? ".
- Omit opinions. You may not like the Mexican restaurant your best friend wants to go to on the only night he's in town, but it's not necessarily honest to express that opinion. What you should do is hide your opinion so that you can have fun together, on the only night available to you. Instead of saying "I don't like that place, Let's go somewhere else", say: "I want to do what you like, even if it's not my favorite place. Let's party."
- Avoid the question. If your child wants to know if Santa is real, tell him you're not sure, and get him involved in the discussion. Ask him what he thinks is true: "What do you think? What do the children of your school say?". You don't have to decide between a nice and good lie and the total truth. The real world is more complex than that.
Step 3. Remain silent if necessary
If you find yourself in a tense situation where honesty would ruin everyone's morale and happiness, it's not necessarily dishonest to remain silent. If you have a chance to stay out of it, do it. In some cases, it takes courage to remain silent in awkward situations.
Choose the most honorable path. When you disagree with someone, voicing your opinions often doesn't help solve problems. You won't have to tell a white lie to end a lie, nor to keep telling the harsh truth. Avoid disagreements on trivial matters altogether, instead of adding fuel to the fire
Advice
- Being honest is difficult because it forces us to acknowledge our mistakes.
- Write down what you tell others (for example, in a journal). You will realize how often you are dishonest, and learn from your mistakes. Putting your dishonesty on paper can help you make better decisions in the future and offer a stark contrast to your renewed honest attitude.
- If someone puts pressure on you and asks that you tell the truth about something you have done, then explain it by saying, “I was wrong to make that careless mistake - I will get better! Please give me another chance to show you that it wasn't my intention and that I know how to be a good friend."
- For almost everyone, the fact that someone is keeping secrets for the benefit of another individual is not considered dishonest if they learned about it, and they would understand it completely. However, the line between honestly kept secrets and dishonestly kept secrets is blurred; Throwing a surprise birthday party is one thing, not telling a child that he has been adopted or that his pet has died is another.
- Groups of work colleagues or friends could influence you and push you to abandon the path of honesty. As with any old and bad habit, you may feel pressured and come back to having it when you are with people who lack integrity and honesty. You need to find new friends, people who are more sincere, but beware of your vulnerability: you may fall into temptation when you spend time with people who are openly dishonest.
