As the parent of a troubled teenager, you will need to have a strategy for dealing with his behavioral problems and helping him manage these problems on his own. It may seem like an impossible task, but it doesn't have to be. Here are some tips to consider when addressing this topic.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Be Aware
Step 1. Understand what your teen is facing
Having problems can mean many things, from behavioral problems (drug use, sexual experiences and criminal activities) to psychological problems (self-esteem and ego). Being aware of what a teenager is going through is the first step to help him recover.
Before you start investigating, try to communicate honestly with your child (or have someone else do it). If he's not willing to open up, you'll need to start composing the puzzle pieces yourself
Step 2. Pay attention to behavior problems
These can include poor school grades, a lack of interest in hobbies that previously thrilled him, and suspicious activities.
Even if it's just symptoms of bigger problems, staying alert will help you understand the situation and get to know your child better. Take every opportunity to gather information and take notes to keep your thoughts in order
Step 3. Communicate with other people in your circle
Your neighbors and the parents of your child's friends are a good place to start. This will give you a broader perspective on your child's situation and their relationships.
In addition to being a valuable source of information, they will likely have faced the same problems as well and can help you. Don't be afraid to open up about your concerns - you are trying to be a caring and involved relative
Step 4. Track your child's progress
Not all teens will be excellent students, nor will they start dating girls at the same age. Knowing their path, however, will help you better predict their future.
Some facts are not necessarily indicators of trouble or rebellion. As a parent, however, you should become familiar with your child's growth process, both in terms of maturity and physical
Step 5. Understand what it means to be a normal teenager
In some cases the signs of problems may just be signs of growth. All teenagers undergo changes as they go through growth.
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Keeping up with fashion is important for most teens. This can mean that your child will suddenly start dressing provocatively or dye their hair. These are normal behaviors. Limit your criticism to more important decisions, like tattoos.
A change in appearance is not a warning sign unless you suspect self-harm or notice significant weight loss or gain
- As teens mature, they become more quarrelsome and rebellious. The warning signs are skipping school, taking part in fights, and violence of all kinds at home. These actions go beyond a normal teenage rebellion.
- Mood swings are normal. Teens can be irritable at one moment and jump for joy the next. You should be concerned about permanent sadness, anxiety, or sleep problems. They could be symptoms of depression or a consequence of bullying.
- Minimal use of drugs and alcohol is normal. Only if use becomes habitual or is accompanied by problems at school or at home should you consider it a wake-up call.
Method 2 of 4: Support
Step 1. Stay on your child's side
Communicate openly with him, and let him know that you care about him and that you are interested in what is going on in his life.
All teenagers (and all people) need to feel loved. Regardless of how independent or at odds with you they may seem to you, they still need positive, reassuring attention from you
Step 2. Give your support to positive influences in his life
If you participate in sports, clubs, or other positive activities, help your child to be as successful as possible at what he or she does. Knowing he has a fan will encourage him to pursue these positive goals.
You may need to be very prominent in your support. According to studies, teens often misunderstand facial expressions; when shown adult faces expressing different emotions, teens often interpret them as angry faces. This is because teens use a different part of the brain to identify emotions
Step 3. Get professional help if needed
Your child may not be able to use you as an outlet, but a professional psychologist may be a safe alternative.
- Consult with your wife or close family member and ask for their opinion. If therapy seems to be necessary, talk to your child first. If he opposes the idea, explain clearly the benefits of the therapy and explain that he will not have to suffer any consequences - in fact, no one needs to know.
- Choose a psychologist who specializes in troubled teens. Every psychologist has a specialty and doing research before hiring a professional will allow you to maximize the potential effectiveness of your child's therapy.
Method 3 of 4: Dealing with Problems Effectively
Step 1. Set limits on your teen
A curfew is not mandatory, but many teens do better if they know what time they will need to go home. Setting limits on where they can go or what they can do will help them understand that their behaviors matter.
Be reasonable and reward good behavior. If your child is out with friends you know and calls to update you, relax. He's giving you a reason to trust him; show him that you recognize and appreciate his good behavior
Step 2. Establish Consequences
Say "You are grounded!" it won't do any good if they go out again the next night. Make sure you only impose limits that have a reason to be.
Respect punishments. It will be difficult at first, but following a routine will let both of you know what to expect. Your child will know the consequences of his actions without you having to explain them every time
Step 3. Talk to your child's teachers
If you suspect that a problem is arising at school, your teachers may be aware of more information.
The teachers will grant you confidential meetings. Putting the flea in their ear about your child's behavior is not embarrassing; teachers will be able to help you and may be unaware of family problems
Step 4. Make room for your child
They need all the time in the world to figure out who they want to become. Locking yourself up in your room might not be the worst thing. Give him his time.
This is especially necessary if your child is short-tempered. It needs time to let off some steam. Asking an apology while he is still in a rage will only make the situation worse
Step 5. Give him responsibility
You can do this in any way you see fit. Give him a list of errands to do or ask him to help out the community to earn pocket money.
Encourage him to take a part-time job. If you're not looking for one yourself, ask in your area to look for potential employers or neighbors who need help
Step 6. Involve him in family activities
Make sure you are active firsthand. Make family dinners and game nights regular events. Making your child understand that he is part of the family and that his importance is recognized will make him feel guilty for his actions.
Set a good example. If you are always on the internet and emailing at the dining table, your child will likely follow your example. If you expect him to be involved, be personally involved
Method 4 of 4: Look After Yourself
Step 1. Check your emotions
You will not be able to help your child if you are often angry, oppressive, or unreasonable. You're looking for a change - letting your emotions take over the logic can make the problem worse.
Step away from the parent / child relationship. Your child will not listen to you just because you are older. Think about how you would handle the situation if you were on the same level. How would you try to make yourself heard? Keeping your head on your shoulders will help you think clearly and make better decisions
Step 2. Take some time to relax
If you are losing sleep over your child's problems, you will not be in the best shape to solve them. In the end, it is your child who has to overcome his problems, not you.
Don't feel guilty if you take some time for yourself. It is important to freshen up and regain energy before facing stressful situations. If you are exhausted, it will be evident. You will be led to exasperation more easily and you will be more likely to give up. Your child needs your help. Take some time to be able to give it to him
Step 3. Stay positive
You may have a hyperbolic view of the problem. What were your teenage years like? Those of your friends and family? Most acts of rebellion go through phases. While you should take your child's problems seriously and try to solve them, knowing that "time makes things right" will ultimately help you deal with stress and this situation.
