Are you a parent or are you looking after a boy? When you raise a child and deal with him, you realize that adolescence is a complicated time. Sometimes children can engage in wrong or deleterious behaviors that lead them, for example, to disrespect the authority of adults, break the rules, use illicit substances and become aggressive or violent. To address the problems of adolescence, it is important to cultivate healthy relationships with young people, improve their socialization within the school, keep them safe, practice parenting appropriately and understand their way of thinking.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Consolidating the Relationship
Step 1. Value the time you spend together
The bond that is established between a teenager and the parent, or whoever takes his place, is a strong protective factor against emotional stress, risky sexual behavior and abuse of illicit substances.
- Organize yourself so that your family life is always active, for example by having dinner all together or by preparing pleasant game nights.
- Spend some time with him every week. Take him out for lunch or dinner, without the rest of the family. This way you can focus exclusively on your relationship and avoid being distracted by other people.
- Try to spend qualitatively important moments with your child, organizing something pleasant and fun. Ask him what he would like to do or suggest a game of video games or a party game, invite him to go shopping, skateboarding, mountain biking, camping or hiking.
Step 2. Use social networks
It has been shown that social media, used for the purpose of encouraging interaction with their children, nourish relationships, improve the sociability of children and reduce their aggression.
- If you don't have a Facebook account (Instagram or another social network), register and add your child as a friend. You will be able to check how he moves between the various sites, his comments or the photos he publishes.
- Avoid embarrassing him. Teens can be sensitive to how others view them, especially their peers.
Step 3. Express your love
A teenager who feels liked and loved by his parents is more protected against negative conditioning and behavior. Think about how you can show him that he is a good guy, appreciated, loved and cared for.
- Physical contact, such as hugging, can be very effective in expressing how much you love your child. However, if these displays of affection make him uncomfortable, try taking the initiative in another way, perhaps by touching his back or playing sports with him.
- Tell him, "I love you" and praise him when he behaves well. Highlight and appreciate its qualities. For example, say, "I like your sincerity in expressing how you feel."
- Give it your attention. Support him by telling him that you will always be by his side. You might add, "You must know that you can talk to me about anything. I will listen to you and try to help you." Lay it down and guide it when it seems to need it.
- Give him some gifts or surprise him by cooking his favorite dish.
Step 4. Ask him a few questions and show interest
According to some studies, when parents are informed and updated on the life of their children, they grow better.
- Ask open-ended questions, such as: "How is school going?" or "What are your goals at the moment?".
- Avoid closed-ended questions for which one word is enough to reply, such as, "Did school go well today?" or "Is everything okay?". Your child could answer you with a simple "yes" without saying anything else. In this way there is a risk that the conversation will close immediately and that the distance between you increases.
- Listen instead of scolding. Try to understand his point of view instead of correcting or offering him advice.
- It is also not a good idea to try to monitor it, by spying or using various means to monitor it (phone records, and so on). Avoid this kind of behavior.
Step 5. Give it space
Ironically, by giving space to a teenager, it is possible to shorten the distance and nurture the relationship. According to some research, teens need to feel independent or able to make their own choices.
Try not to be curious if your child doesn't want to talk to you about something. Give him time to process the situation and come to you when he feels ready
Step 6. Decrease family conflicts
When children witness or live in a constant state of war with their parents, behavioral problems, depressive symptoms and a weakening of family ties can arise.
- Don't fight and don't argue in front of your children.
- When talking about family matters, keep calm and avoid raising your voice in anger.
Part 2 of 5: Encourage Relationships in School
Step 1. Encourage him to participate in extra-curricular activities
When social relationships within the school context are solid, they represent a protective factor against the most dangerous situations (destructive and negative behaviors, including self-harm, discomfort and use of illicit substances). Furthermore, the risks decrease when the adolescent engages in some extra-curricular activity.
- Try encouraging your child to join a group or association.
- Encourage him to play sports. There is a correlation between activities that promote socialization, such as sport, and increased self-esteem, but also with the tendency to continue studying after high school. However, do not underestimate the risks associated with alcohol consumption among those who play sports. So, if your child is exercising, talk to him about the dangers of drinking alcohol. If you suspect that he is abusing alcohol, you should keep an eye on his social life.
- Make sure recreational activities are well structured, as they inhibit antisocial behaviors. For example, a recreational and cultural center where teenagers can engage in various activities may not offer a well-structured program, while a sports team may be better organized.
- Be careful not to force your child to engage in a sport or activity that doesn't interest them.
Step 2. Set high but achievable expectations
When a teenager feels pressured to improve school performance, his health may be compromised, but his behavior is also at risk.
- Let your child know what you expect of him at school, including about grades. Try not to be too demanding (all 10) nor too indulgent (just don't fail). Try telling him, "You could at least get a full pass in every subject. Do you think that's right? Can we find an agreement?".
- Explain that you expect them as a teenager to be respectful of adults and those with authority.
Step 3. Maintain his relationship with teachers
The idea of being treated well by teachers can discourage him from engaging in risky behaviors.
- Meet with your child's teachers regularly to discuss any issues and foster communication. Involve him too, if necessary.
- Solve the problems that arise in the relationship with the professors. Talk to them and find a way to improve it.
- If your child is being followed by a therapist or psychologist, talk to them about their goals and needs, but also how they can improve relationships with teachers.
Step 4. Encourage building healthy relationships with peers
According to some research, an element that prevents adolescents from engaging in risky behaviors is the understanding with schoolmates. If relationships in the school context are positive, academic performance also improves.
- Explain to your child the concept of healthy relationships, telling them that true friendships are based on fairness, trust, acceptance and loyalty.
- Monitor his friendships. Find out about his peers and get to know their parents.
- Learn about relationship problems he may be having. Ask your child if he is being bullied or treated badly by his peers. Address these difficulties with the school management in order to find an effective solution against the phenomenon of bullying in the school environment.
Part 3 of 5: Provide for Teenager Safety
Step 1. Eliminate anything in the house that could pose a threat to your child
The presence of dangerous elements in the home could encourage destructive behavior in adolescents. For example, when alcohol and drugs circulate in the home, illicit drug use could increase.
- Remove guns or other weapons.
- Get rid of alcohol and other substances (even pills that are not used).
- If your child has tried to harm himself in the past, remove or keep sharp objects, including knives and weapons, under lock and key.
- Set a good example by limiting negative or wrong behaviors. For example, a teenager may find it hypocritical of you to ban him from smoking cigarettes if the same rules do not apply to you.
Step 2. Try to control it effectively
It is possible to inhibit the antisocial behavior of adolescents (which lead to criminal gestures and other behavioral problems) by putting in place a well-structured control system. When a youngster keeps busy with activities that take him out of the house, make sure there is efficient supervision and organization.
- Make sure your child is under adult supervision after school and on weekends.
- Make sure he's kept an eye on when he goes out.
- Get to know his friends' parents so you can coordinate proper supervision and monitor his behavior.
Step 3. Discuss riskier situations
Try to be open and honest with your child about the risks involved in drug use, criminal behavior, and unprotected sex. If you avoid these topics out of fear or discomfort, he will almost certainly follow the example of his peers, who can give him inaccurate and misleading information.
- Talk to him about sex. Sexual experiences during adolescence usually form the basis on which future relationships are built. First, discuss the risks associated with sexual intercourse. To open the discussion up, you might say, "I think it's time to talk about sex. I know it can be a sensitive topic to discuss with a parent, but it's very important. What do you think?" Start by asking him how he heard about sex from friends or on television. Explain what your thinking is and what you expect from him (when he should do it, why and how to protect himself using condoms and / or contraceptive methods).
- Tell them about the dangers associated with alcohol and drug use. Say, for example, "I want to talk to you about some harmful behaviors kids can engage in. Do you agree?" Explain your point of view on alcohol and drugs, and what you expect from your child (what they should limit or what they should not use and why). It is very important to clarify why you should not use certain substances (health risks, the danger of overdose, irresponsibility and so on). Kids want explanations of the rules they have to obey, otherwise they might consider them foolish or rigid.
Step 4. Consider the possibility of psychotherapy
If your child exhibits dangerous behavior, is rebellious against adult authority, becomes violent or isolates, perhaps he has a mental health disorder. Psychological treatment can help him set goals and develop a healthier way of experiencing adolescence.
If you are considering psychotherapy, consult your doctor or go directly to a mental health professional
Part 4 of 5: Being a Good Parent
Step 1. Try to be an authoritative parent
Authority creates a climate of acceptance and freedom, while defining clear rules and expectations. When a parent has authority and, at the same time, enjoys the esteem of their children, they tend to continue their studies after high school.
- Authority with children means warmth, attention and flexibility. Therefore, try to set limits and rules, but be willing to negotiate or be flexible if necessary.
- Accept your child as he is and tell him how much you appreciate him. Encourage him to cultivate his dreams, whatever they are.
- An authoritative parent gets involved with their children. Children show commitment and dedication when parents are willing to help them with homework and other difficulties, but also when they value the time they spend with them.
- Try not to be bossy. The firm and despotic imposition of one's will on children involves rigid and inflexible rules and a mentality that can be summarized with the phrase: "I am right and you are wrong". In these cases a boy would describe his parents in the following way: "My father tells me he is right, while I should just obey him without questioning his figure." Instead of being bossy, give your child the opportunity to set the boundaries they need to abide by. Explain what the rules are for and give them a chance to express their opinion. Negotiate and come to a decision together. For example, if you think he should only get very high grades, without considering that it might be too expensive for him, be willing to change your expectations to meet his needs. Maybe you could accept the idea that it takes 6 in each subject.
Step 2. Communicate assertively
By doing so, you will be able to convey your intentions with respect and common sense. To sum up the concept of assertiveness in one sentence, you could say, "I'm fine if you're fine too."
- Use an appropriate, calm, and reassuring tone.
- Don't hesitate to say "no" when necessary.
- Explain the meaning of the rules and why they apply.
- Be honest and open about what you think and believe, using tact and respect. Speak in the first person, saying for example: "I disagree when you come home after the scheduled return time."
- Avoid communicating aggressively. Aggressive communication is summed up in the sentence: "I'm fine even if you're not well". Do not threaten and scold your child - you could set a bad example and make him grow up in fear.
- It limits passive communication that inhibits the manifestation of needs and mood. It is reflected in the idea: "You are fine, even if I am not well". A parent who adopts this attitude may be afraid of his child and, instead of communicating with him, avoids him.
Step 3. Set limits
Teens need a structure to feel safe and protected and to limit the risks of engaging in dangerous behavior.
- Set realistic and fair limits. Create house rules. Inform your child about acceptable and inadmissible behaviors. For example, tell him what time he needs to be home and explain what he'll be up to if he is late.
- Assign him some housework. In this way he will be able to take responsibility. Explain that everyone in the house needs to contribute. Try sketching out the tasks that are due to him and give him a reward when he completes them of his own free will.
- Determine what consequences he will face if he misbehaves. Be specific about what he is not allowed to do (i.e. go home after the scheduled hours, skip school, use drugs, and so on), but also about what could happen if he breaks the rules (for example, being punished, take away the use of the scooter and other concessions). Make sure they can choose whether to abide by the rules or not.
Step 4. Reinforce correct behaviors
By rewarding him for behaving well, you will have the opportunity to encourage this kind of behavior and stem negative attitudes. One study showed that by rewarding kids when they wear a seat belt, it is possible to increase the use of this safety device in the younger population.
- Reward him when he shows his commitment. When he achieves a brilliant result, perhaps a good grade on a test, offer him a reward, such as buying him the dress he wants.
- Highlight its qualities. When a teenager has high self-esteem, they are less likely to develop negative feelings and behaviors. Therefore, tell your child that you are proud of him by emphasizing everything he can achieve, i.e. when he gets a good grade, is sincere and honest or gets the housework done.
- Let him earn his freedom. When a guy believes he is in control of his life, he is less prone to behave aggressively.
Part 5 of 5: Understanding a Teenager's Thinking
Step 1. Find out if he's taking any risks
Changes in the brain during adolescence can generate behaviors that endanger children, putting them at risk of using harmful substances, such as alcohol and drugs. Teenagers are particularly attracted to anything that triggers the drives, such as drugs. On the other hand, they may also be more likely to take healthier risks by experimenting with something new (sports, games, hobbies, and so on).
A teenager can engage in unregulated conduct in a variety of areas. Sometimes we hunt in dangerous situations, driving at high speed, breaking rules or laws. Don't underestimate these warning signs and risky behaviors
Step 2. Understand that drive control may be limited in boys
The ability to control the drives is not yet fully developed in a teenager's brain. Therefore, consider that your child may not be fully able to control themselves or accept delayed gratification.
Teach him to wait for gratification (in this case, it is delayed gratification) by helping him to examine the pros and cons of a certain gesture or behavior
Step 3. Put yourself in his shoes, trying to understand how he feels
The changes in the brain that occur during growth can lead to very intense emotional responsiveness. Therefore, children live their experiences with more anger, sadness, a sense of loneliness and aggression, or they get carried away by other emotions, more easily engaging in risky behaviors.
- Try to remember when you were a teenager, recalling the emotions you felt and that you had to manage with so much effort.
- Instead of reacting impulsively, try to grasp and feel the difficulties your child is experiencing.
