When you feel like your relationship is in crisis or going through a bad time, it's not always easy to figure out what to do. Many couples go through phases of particular conflict or inability to solve problems together. By analyzing the relationship, increasing the quality of communication and creating spaces in everyday life to share, you will be able to recover the relationship and overcome this difficult moment.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Review the Report
Step 1. Both of you take responsibility for saving your relationship
It is essential to be a team not only to recover the relationship, but also to make it better than it was in the past. Making the commitment to undertake this path is a way to show yourself that you are involved. If your partner isn't sure they want to save your relationship, you may be questioning their feelings. It's hard to save a relationship if you're not both convinced you want to.
Step 2. Analyze the reasons that push you to stay together
Before embarking on an undertaking destined to save your relationship, stop for a moment to reflect on the aspects of the other person that have conquered you and how the situation has changed or transformed over time. Reconsidering your reasons for this person will allow you to remember why you don't want to leave and why you want to commit to recovering the relationship.
You can also reflect on these aspects together. In this case, you will need to be able to present constructive criticisms and speak in the first person, for example: “It seems to me that in the past we spent more time together. Now I have the impression that we hardly see each other”or“The things I love most about you are your energy and your enthusiasm, but it seems to me that lately you have been depressed and distant”. Focus on the qualities that you think are important and that you admire, trying to understand when they have faded and how
Step 3. Ask your family and friends for their opinion and advice
Sometimes, it is difficult to get an idea of one's relationship as a couple, especially when there is a strong emotional involvement. Talk to your closest friends, family members you trust most, and people who know both of you well. Discuss with them any problems you think you have and find out if they have ever happened to them. You may receive suggestions on how to rebuild your relationship.
Remember that too many outside opinions could wreak havoc and allow erroneous assumptions or prejudices to intrude on your relationship. Listen to their advice, but take it with a grain of salt. Remember that you will need to focus on the quality of communication with your partner, rather than with the people around you if you don't want the relationship to fall apart
Part 2 of 3: Improving the Quality of Communication
Step 1. Try to base communication on calm and mutual respect
It is not easy to face a discussion with your partner about the problems and difficulties of the relationship without some style drop and without letting go of emotionality.
- Addressing the conversation in a polite manner and with due respect to the other person will show that you want to commit to making this relationship work. Avoid swearing or raising your voice while discussing your problems with your partner. Instead, try to speak honestly and with the utmost clarity about your feelings with a kind and loving attitude.
- Before talking to your partner, apply some relaxation techniques to stimulate the body to calm the mind. Breathing deeply, meditating or even practicing physical exercise before starting a conversation are methods that will help you maintain the right balance.
Step 2. Explain your feelings honestly and accurately
To improve communication with your partner it is important to make an effort to avoid possible misunderstandings or misunderstandings. To do this, try to speak frankly, sincerely, and accurately about your feelings and desires. If you believe your partner is neglecting your relationship, you should honestly and transparently explain how and why this hurts you.
- You could just use these words: "I feel like I haven't spent much time with you lately and I miss being with you, alone." You might then suggest going out for dinner to have a romantic evening with each other. At this point, your intentions will be clear and you will show that you are actually trying to communicate.
- Also, during an argument, try to focus on what made you angry at that exact moment, rather than bringing up all your problems. If you think you are spending little time with your partner, focus the discussion on what steps to take to carve out time. If the topic of the dispute is household chores, such as taking out the trash, focus on why it is important that you both do it.
- Prevent the discussion of garbage from turning into a reprimand about his indifference to housework or a criticism of his laziness and irresponsibility. Addressing one issue at a time will help keep you from being overwhelmed and turn a simple discussion into a heated argument.
Step 3. Learn to listen
Active listening implies knowing how to listen and respond to an interlocutor to improve mutual understanding. Rather than conceiving conversations as competitions or battles to be won, see them as opportunities to get to know each other better. By doing this, you will demonstrate that you see the dialogue with your partner as a way to listen carefully to him, rather than to attack him or ignore his statements.
To listen actively, you must focus your attention on the interlocutor and wait for the end of his speech without ever interrupting him. Then you must know how to repeat what he said in your own words. While it is not necessary to share his statements, doing so will still show that you understand his position and want to discuss his ideas by exchanging thoughts and emotions in a balanced way, rather than arguing
Step 4. Try to accept your partner's point of view
Active listening is only one aspect of effective communication. The other component is to give credit to the other's point of view, consider their feelings and discuss possible strategies to resolve the conflict. It could be an open discussion in which both of you propose interventions to adapt your routine and your schedules to the needs of the couple or your personal proposal to resolve the conflict to be evaluated together. The important thing is to show that you have respect for the point of view of others and want to work together to find plausible solutions to the problem.
For example, your partner may complain that you stay in the office after working hours and that you always come home late in the evening. Wait for it to finish, then reply like this: “I realized you'd rather see me go home earlier and don't work late to spend more time with me. I also want to spend more time with you. Unfortunately, I won't be able to get out earlier until the day of delivery of an important project, but I'll take you out for dinner this weekend so we can spend an evening together”. This response shows that you have embraced his thinking and proposed a way to resolve the conflict. You are taking responsibility for your actions and showing understanding towards your partner's point of view
Step 5. Get couples therapy or counseling if needed
Sometimes, it is necessary to go to a therapist or a psychologist to discuss some emotions and feelings that put your relationship at risk. Look for a trusted relationship therapist or psychologist and present the problem with the utmost sincerity. Often, undergoing couples therapy together is the first step in showing yourself that you are working hard to recover your relationship.
There is also the possibility of undertaking therapy individually when there are unresolved personal problems that could adversely affect the relationship. Examining one's personal problems could favor liberation from all those feelings of anger, anxiety and stress that one tends to vent within the couple
Part 3 of 3: Spending Special Moments Together
Step 1. Plan exclusive outings with your partner
One of the main reasons why couples go into crisis is that one of the two begins to devote less and less time and energy to the relationship. Find moments to spend together by organizing outings and activities to share at the table. Rediscover the moments of intimacy where you can interact, chat, laugh and tune in while having fun.
A special evening in a nice restaurant or a mountain hike on your favorite trail are simple but effective ideas. Try to include activities that both of you love and embark on completely new adventures with your partner. This way the time spent together will be exciting and engaging for both of you
Step 2. Have a night out once a week
If you are both very busy with work and have many commitments, the ideal is to officially establish a day of the week to spend together. Regardless of the work commitments that may arise, on that day you have to do something together, without anyone else. Having a weekly appointment will allow you to better organize the evening and will give both of you the typical emotion of when you are waiting for a special moment.
Once you agree on the day, avoid skipping the romantic date. In this way, you will show your partner your willingness to sacrifice any other commitment and to keep the promise of being together
Step 3. Surprise your partner with a special evening
If you are looking to involve him more in your relationship and renew your mutual commitment, organize a surprise date in an unusual place.
