It's not always easy to comfort an upset girl. She might want a hug, some affection, or be left completely alone. So what can you do to make it better … and not make it worse? Read this article to find out.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Approaching the Girl
Step 1. Try to read the situation
What is the girl really upset about? Is it something devastating, like the loss of a grandfather, or something more manageable, like a fight with a friend? Knowing the cause can help you understand what it needs most. If she's dealing with a tough loss, don't try to make her laugh or distract her with a ridiculous story; but if it's just a fight between friends, you can use a lighter approach. However, don't talk too much about the problem, it could get more nervous.
Not all causes are the same. The more you understand the situation, the better you will be able to deal with it
Step 2. Find out what he wants
Is very important. If she says, "I want to be left alone," and she really thinks so, you should give her time to be alone and not make things worse by always turning around. But if he says so and at the same time he wants you there, it's hard to understand what he really wants; if you know her well, you will know if she needs time to calm down or if she says so because she doesn't want to bother you.
- Is she the kind of girl who is often upset or is it your first time seeing her like this? If she has been upset before, think about how you behaved that time and try to do the same if it was helpful.
- Ask her if she wants to talk. See if she wants to talk about the problem or if she just needs you for moral support.
Step 3. Give her your love
Sure, most girls would like a hug or some affection when they're sad or upset. This is especially true if you are dating this girl or if you are very close and she doesn't think you are trying. Some girls, however, don't like hugs when they're nervous, and you have to accept that. If you are close, wrap your arm around her or touch her shoulder, hand, or knee; you will immediately feel better.
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When she is upset, what she wants most of all is to know that you are truly there for her, and giving her affection will let her know.
Comfort a Girl Step 03Bullet01 - Bring her a handkerchief, a cup of tea, a blanket, or anything else that will comfort her.
Part 2 of 3: Make Her Feel Better
Step 1. Let him express himself
The thing she wants most is to tell you exactly how she feels, if she doesn't just want to be left alone. So, let her cry, let her talk, let her kick the wall if she wants. Do not get in the way and do not try to give concrete solutions, ask a thousand questions or prevent her from telling you what is happening. If it's a fresh situation, it probably has yet to process it.
- Do not step forward and immediately offer a thousand solutions. When he wants your advice, he will tell you. But for now, just let her let off steam.
- You may think you know exactly what to do, but now is not the time to intervene.
Step 2. Be a good listener
If the girl is upset, she needs you to listen to her more than anything else. She doesn't care about your thoughts on it, she just wants a friendly ear. So, let her talk without interrupting her to ask questions or express your opinion, make eye contact and contribute with small comments, like "I can't even imagine how hard it can be for you …", to let her know that you really care. Let it end and don't stop its outburst.
- You can nod and show her you're worried, but don't overdo your head movements, or she'll think you're rushing her or pretending.
- Avoid distractions. Put your phone away, stay focused on her, and don't look at the room around you. Don't make her think you have to go somewhere else.
Step 3. Don't try to minimize his problems
If you want to make her feel better, the worst thing you can say is "It's not the end of the world" or "It will be okay". Sure, it may seem to you that she's upset about something small, like a bad exam or breaking up with a wretch she has only seen for a few weeks, but you can't tell her, or she'll feel worse. In that moment, she needs to be upset and talk about her feelings, not be told it's nothing.
- You may think you are helping her by putting things into perspective, but it will only make her feel worse for being upset and she may blame you.
- He needs you mostly as support, not to get your opinion.
Step 4. Ask her if you can do anything to help her
When she's done letting off steam, ask her what you can do to make her feel better. Maybe it's a concrete situation where you can do something, for example find out about her car insurance, help her settle a relationship with a friend, or you can help her save money by fixing something yourself, without her having to call a friend. professional. Or you can accompany her to do something unpleasant and offer her moral support. Or maybe she really has to do it all herself, but you can help just by letting her know if she needs it.
- Asking her questions, she will understand that you care about her and that you want to do something more to help her. This will make her feel better.
- She probably feels lost and very lonely. Asking her if you can help her will make her feel more appreciated and loved.
Step 5. Don't tell her you know exactly how she feels
She wants to be heard, not to be told that you know exactly how she feels. Maybe she lost a grandfather and it happened to you too, and you can help her by saying that you went through it too; if it's a direct situation like this, you can hint at it but, in general, don't try to compare yourself to her, or she'll think you're trying to get her attention. The focus must remain on her. If he's going through a bad breakup after a long relationship, don't compare his three-year relationship with yours for three months, or he'll yell "It's not the same!"
It's better to say "I can't imagine what you're going through" or "I can't even try to understand how you feel…". Most of the time what you say is true, and she will feel that her feelings are justified
Step 6. Tell her you're sorry about what she's going through
It's simple and cute. Say, "I'm sorry you're going through this," or, "I'm sorry you're facing such a difficult situation." Even if it's not your fault, apologizing will show her that you truly understand her situation and that you wish things were different. This will make her feel better, even if there isn't much you can do.
He might say "It's not your fault!" and you will reply "I know, but I'm sorry anyway". This will let her know that you really are on her side
Part 3 of 3: Continue to Offer Her Comfort
Step 1. Just be there for her
Sometimes there is nothing you can do to help and you don't know what to say to improve the situation. If she has received some really bad news, all you can do is be there with her and let her know that she is not alone. If you had plans for that weekend, see if you can cancel them to be with her; if she has things to do, ask her if you can go with her. Sometimes all you can do is offer her your time and loving presence. You can't comfort her and then say hello and disappear for a couple of days, or she'll feel unwanted.
Let her know that she will be a priority for you. You may have other things on your mind, but don't go away from her
Step 2. Try to distract her
Maybe she prefers to be left alone, but try to take her out of the house if you can. Even if she doesn't feel like socializing, taking her out to get some fresh air will certainly make her feel better and may even forget her problems, even if only for a short time. Here are some things you can try:
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Invite her to a play. A light film will make her laugh and feel better for a while.
Comfort a Girl Step 11Bullet01 -
Take her out for dinner or for coffee or ice cream. A little kindness will make her feel better. Also, if she is very upset, she may forget to eat and take care of herself. Don't take her out for a drink though: if she's upset, alcohol isn't the solution.
Comfort a Girl Step 11Bullet02 - Take her for a walk. Light exercise and fresh air will help her clear her mind and feel more balanced.
- Don't invite her to noisy events with a lot of people, or she'll feel overwhelmed and unable to deal with it.
Step 3. Do small tasks for her
She may feel so overwhelmed that she cannot carry out her daily duties. Bring her a coffee or lunch when she needs it; offer to clean her room if she is beside herself; do the washing if necessary. If she's upset in class and can't concentrate, pass her notes. If she needs gas, you do it for her. It won't take a lot of time or effort for you, and she'll feel much more relieved.
Of course, you don't have to let her take advantage of it. But doing some small housework or errands can make a big difference
Step 4. Check how it is
It is an important part of comforting her. Even after you're done talking, continue to offer your support. Call her, write her, visit her, and ask when you can go out again. You don't have to suffocate her and text her to see if she's okay every couple of hours, but check every now and then to let her know that you care about her.
- Sending her a funny note or a funny YouTube video will make her laugh and feel special.
- Be creative. Send her a postcard or a bouquet of sunflowers. Show her that you worry even after you finish talking.
- Let her know you think. If she wants to be left alone, you don't have to resume the conversation every two hours. A text message to let her know that you think she will already do a lot.
Advice
- Speak softly.
- Hug her. He will feel much better.
- Tell her she's beautiful even if you think (or she thinks) you've never seen her so ugly, with a gentle kiss on the cheek.
- Don't tell her you find some other "sexy" girl.
- Tell her she is your princess and that you love her more than anyone else.
- It is your flower, treat it as such.
- Use different methods if you're not a guy and still have a hard time understanding your friend's emotions.
