Many times it happens that you find a friend or colleague who is agitated or in tears. You will probably want to help under these circumstances, but if you don't know where to start, remember that the most important thing is to be considerate. Offer all the support you can and take his needs into account. Ask him a few questions to find out if he feels safe or if he needs anything. Generally speaking, don't be rushed, but give them as much time as possible to let them know what they think. However, don't put pressure on him to confide in you.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Making Yourself Profitable
Step 1. Be available
Often there is actually little to say or do in certain situations: when words cannot comfort, being available remains the most important thing. Physical presence and time are highly appreciated elements in difficult times. So, try to offer your time.
Keep company with those who are crying, letting them know that you are next to them and support them. There is no need to speak. Just make sure you are there, especially if the person in distress feels lonely
Step 2. Make him feel safe
Usually, it is ashamed to cry in public because this reaction is often regarded as a weakness. If someone starts crying in front of others, ask them to go to a more secluded place to help ease their embarrassment. Take it to the bathroom, car, or a room where no one is around. Away from prying eyes, he will feel more protected and able to process the emotions he is experiencing.
- If he seems uncomfortable, ask him, "Would you like to go somewhere more private?" Accompany him in the bathroom, in the car, in a room where he can be on his own, wherever there are not many people.
- If you are at school or university, do not take him into a no-entry area, such as a classroom where classes are not held. Also, make sure you find the way out. Don't get in trouble!
Step 3. Offer a handkerchief
If you have a handkerchief or know where to get one, don't hesitate. When you cry, your face gets wet and your nose runs, so handing out a handkerchief is a helpful gesture. If you don't have it handy, offer to go get it.
- You can say, "Do you want me to get you a handkerchief?"
- Sometimes, this gesture can be interpreted as an invitation to stop crying. Pay attention to how your attitude may be perceived, especially if the other person is very upset, is grieving, or is grieving the end of a relationship.
Part 2 of 3: Going to Meet Your Needs
Step 1. Let her cry
Whatever the reason, it's not at all helpful to advise you to stop crying or that it's not worth shedding tears. In reality, crying is liberating and allows people to feel better. It is much more beneficial to vent your emotions than to repress them because, if they are stifled, they promote the onset of mood disorders, such as depression. If someone is crying, let them continue. Never tell him "Don't cry" or "It's nonsense, why are you crying?". Since he is sharing a moment of fragility, allow him to express his state of mind without telling him how he should feel.
You may feel uncomfortable or distressed in front of a person in tears. Remember that your job is to be helpful by offering your support, so don't forget that you are not the center of attention
Step 2. Ask if they need anything
The other person is likely to want to listen to you or be alone for a moment. Don't assume you know what he wants because you don't actually know. By asking what she wants and what she needs, you will allow her to take control of the situation, so you can listen to her and respond. Whatever he asks, respect his will.
- Question: "What can I do to help you?" or "How can I help you?".
- If he invites you to go away, go away. Refrain from exclaiming: "But you need my help!". Rather, just say: "Okay, fine. But if you need anything, call me or send me a text message". Sometimes, people need space.
Step 3. Give it some time
Don't give the impression that you are in a hurry and feel compelled to do something. If you want to offer your support, just guarantee your presence and give the other person your time. If you are there to comfort her, you need to give her the space she needs. Just being around her can be comforting, so limiting yourself to that and making sure she can handle herself throughout the day or helping her in other ways will make sure she has what she needs.
Don't leave after a few moments to continue with your activities. Stand by her and tell her you're there if she needs you. Even if you have work to do, giving her a few more minutes won't mess with your plans
Step 4. Be affectionate if desired
If you know your friend likes to be hugged, don't hesitate. However, if he's a more reserved type, you might want to pat him on the back or not touch him at all. When comforting a stranger, it's best to ask him if he appreciates physical contact. If in doubt, ask him if he would like to receive a hug or be held by the hand. If he doesn't accept, abstain.
Ask: "Do you mind if I hug you?". A friend or family member is more likely to enjoy contact than a stranger, so make sure you don't make the person in front of you uncomfortable
Part 3 of 3: Talk About Your Problem
Step 1. Don't push the person in trouble to confide
Maybe he's in shock or doesn't want to talk. If it seems reluctant to open, don't force it. You may not want to talk about his problems, especially if you are not confident. If you are having a hard time finding something to say, don't think you have to bring up a deep topic. Just stay close to her and say (or imply): "I'm here to support you."
- You may be able to comfort her even if she doesn't tell you what is troubling her. It's normal.
- You could simply say, "Talking about your problem will make you feel better. If you want, I'm here for you."
- Don't be too critical, or he'll withdraw even more towards you.
Step 2. Listen carefully
Appeal to your listening skills and be willing to pay close attention. If you ask her what's wrong and she doesn't answer, don't insist. Accept everything she says and focus on listening and supporting her. Pay close attention to his words and how he expresses them.
Improve your listening skills by looking into her eyes and responding without judging her
Step 3. Keep your focus on the person in need
You might think it's helpful to say "I just had a similar experience," because it fosters a certain understanding between you, but it actually diverts attention from her problem. Even worse, you will give the impression that you want to belittle what he is feeling. So, make the conversation turn to his story. If she decides to tell you why she is crying, let her talk without interrupting her.
You probably intend to find common ground or talk about something that happened to you, but resist this temptation unless you ask. Your role is to help and comfort her
Step 4. Don't rush to propose solutions
If she's crying and upset about a situation, don't try to fix her problem right away. What you need to do is not speak, but listen. It is also likely that he will not tell what his difficulties are, but it is normal. It is not your job to find a solution to his problems.
- Crying is not used to solve a problem, but to express one's emotions. Let it vent without hindering it.
- You will surely have a hard time behaving this way if you tend to hold back tears. Remember that crying is not a sign of weakness.
Step 5. Encourage her to see a therapist if she needs more support
If this person has repeatedly expressed difficulty in managing their emotions, it may be time for them to consult a psychotherapist. You may get caught up in her problems or think you need the cooperation of a mental health professional. Be kind when you offer this advice, but let her know it would be a good idea.
