Finding the right guy may seem like a daunting task, but following a few little tips will make it much easier. If you look for him in places you already frequent or find places that your ideal type of man haunts, you are more likely to find the right one. Once you've found a candidate, you need to figure out how to strike up a conversation with him.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Going to the Right Places
Step 1. Take advantage of your current contacts
People who know you already probably know what kind of guy you want to meet. Spread the word that you are looking for the right guy and you will see that they can help you search. They probably know a lot of other people besides your mutual friends, so your search will automatically extend to a new group of people.
- Your friends can also help you unwrap kids who are already busy.
- If a guy has a reputation for treating girls badly, your friends may warn you.
- It will be easier to build a relationship with someone you already have mutual friends with.
Step 2. Consider the guys you see every day
Many times guys who share your interests can become stable, long-term boyfriends. If you are already actively involved in an association, religious group, or other circle with a certain interest, you might want to invite a guy you know in this context to go out with you.
- When you share the same interests, you are more likely to be compatible than people who don't have much in common.
- Friends who attend the same groups as you can also help you find the right guy.
Step 3. Try signing up for a course
In addition to the lessons organized by private bodies, you could consider a real degree course: if you already have a job, remember that working students have several advantages. This is a great way to get to know someone if you are interested in finding someone who shares your interests.
- You could take a course that your ideal man would be interested in. For example, if you want to find a guy who likes to travel, take geography or foreign language lessons.
- Religion courses can help you find a partner who shares a particular tradition if that's important to you.
- The courses offer the opportunity to work in a team, which is ideal for meeting new people.
Step 4. Try an online dating site:
it can be effective for finding a potential boyfriend, especially if you live in a rural or isolated area. If you're shy or too busy to spend time looking for the right guy, going online gives you the opportunity to get to know someone without forcing yourself to face new situations.
- Dating sites offer much more variety and choice than in real life.
- These sites usually offer services that allow you to associate users based on interests, qualities that are sought in a partner and so on.
- Remember that virtual profiles may contain false information about a certain person. Don't be under any illusions based solely on what you read.
Step 5. Go to places that are particularly popular with men
Cabaret clubs, live pubs and stadiums are all places that kids tend to hang out in groups. Plan a night out in such a place with a single friend of yours. You will probably find guys who will be having fun and will be happy to make new friends.
- Auto shows and sporting events are other occasions to consider.
- Other (slightly less conventional) places to meet guys include blood collection centers, science fiction fairs, or cosplay.
Step 6. Get to know someone through your child
If you are a single mom, you may want to try meeting men through a parenting organization. Talking to dads during games, meetings with teachers or plays is ideal for meeting a single man.
- You could also try volunteering by proposing yourself as a group leader or instructor.
- You will likely see the parents of your child's friends on many occasions, so this will not require any special effort.
Step 7. Learn to compromise
Is your ideal man 1.80m tall, handsome and breezy, has a mind-boggling bank account? However, you accepted an invitation from a short, red-haired nerd who works in a video store. Instead of discarding it because it doesn't fit your bill, think about why you like to spend time with it. Does he treat you with respect? It makes you laugh? Is he honest, kind and thoughtful? In this case, it may be helpful to review your requirements.
- No one will fully match your ideal of the perfect man. It is important to think about what characteristics you cannot really give up in a partner.
- Remember that even the perfect man may be forced to compromise for you.
Part 2 of 3: Avoid the Wrong Guys
Step 1. Avoid places where occasional conquests are usually made
A Nice Guy is interested in finding a woman he can respect and share his interests with. If you want to find the right man, you will hardly be able to do it in a place specially targeted for casual encounters.
- That doesn't mean you should avoid all the clubs and parties where alcohol flows freely, but often these places are only good for casual encounters.
- If you're interested in a guy, make an appointment to see him on another occasion.
Step 2. Don't drink too much
Alcohol impairs common sense and clouds the ability to choose the right people. If he's a nice guy, he won't make you drink too much. Plus, if you overdo alcohol on a first date, you could scare off the potential man in your life.
- If you've recently met a guy and immediately notice that he drinks too much, this is a wake-up call: he may have a problem with alcohol. If you are moderately sober, it will be easier to tell how much you drink.
- Monitor your glass. If you're not careful, someone could correct it with more alcohol or a drug without you noticing.
Step 3. Wait before committing
If you're not sure if you have a really deep understanding with a guy, don't commit to him right away. Building a strong relationship takes time. The right man won't put pressure on you before you feel ready.
- Commitment can mean different things depending on your point of view: it can be synonymous with sexual intimacy or involve another type of trust.
- A Nice Guy is interested in you, not just having sex with you.
Step 4. Trust your instincts
If you don't think it's working, you can end a date. If you stick around so as not to hurt his feelings, because you want him to think positively about you, or you don't want to sound like a big gun, you risk ending up with the wrong guy. This is not kind behavior: you will waste your time, and you will make him waste it too.
- To leave, you might pretend that you have forgotten another appointment or that you are unwell. You can also tell him the truth: "I don't think it's working. It's nothing personal."
- Even though you've told him you're willing to make another appointment, you have the option to escape from the commitment. Tell him you can't.
- Don't be persuaded by his insistence: you don't owe him your time or attention.
Part 3 of 3: Start a Conversation
Step 1. Find something interesting to ask him
Don't rely on classic pick-up phrases, banal and outdated. Instead, ask him about his shirt or comment on the situation you are in. Then, go on to make a statement that can empathize with her emotions.
- For example, you might ask him: "What kind of coffee can you recommend?". Then, go on to say: "I love espresso, it always gives me a boost in the early morning."
- In general, try not to make negative comments until you get to know him better, otherwise you risk accidentally offending him.
Step 2. Ask him an open-ended question
If you ask him a question that requires an affirmative or negative answer, you are unlikely to stimulate the conversation. Instead, ask him what book he is reading or what impressed him about the event you are witnessing.
- Open-ended questions often begin in these ways: "What …?", "How …?", "Tell me …".
- There are no right or wrong answers to questions of this type.
Step 3. Encourage him to tell you about himself
Almost everyone likes to tell each other, so, if you don't already know him, asking him personal questions is normal to keep the conversation going after the proper introductions. If you've talked before, you can start a dialogue by asking him questions. They can be about the context you are in (example: "Why did you come to the mall tonight?") Or be more general (example: "What do you like to do in the summer?").
- Often asking him about what he wears is helpful in discovering his interests. For example, if he's wearing a team shirt, you can ask him about it.
- You can also ask him out of context questions, like, "What's your favorite movie genre?".
Step 4. Establish a mutual affinity
This means having a consonance of ideas, finding some comfort in the presence of the other person. To do this, be sincere and well disposed towards him. Having a good affinity is essential to help build trust. Even though you have recently met him, treat him with dignity and respect.
- If you avoid being critical and make comments from an empathic point of view, you can foster a good affinity for each other.
- Try talking to him as if you already know him. Don't be indiscreet, try to talk in a relaxed way, as if it were a friend.
- Your first sentence or question isn't as important as how you carry on the conversation.
Step 5. Think of a question or comment to make to keep the conversation going
If your first approach doesn't work, don't take it. You can definitely try to get the conversation off the ground.
- You can start talking about another topic or ask another question on the same topic.
- The more often you try, the better you will become.
Advice
Non-verbal cues and body language are effective in letting him know that you care
Warnings
- When meeting a guy you don't know, make an appointment in a public place, especially if you've only talked to him online. You will only be able to see it privately once you are sure you can trust it.
- Pay attention to his words and actions. If the two don't fit together, then he's probably not a reliable person, no matter how charming you are.
