While it may seem like an ancient custom, some parents impose strict dating rules on their daughters and expect you to ask permission before inviting them out. They will likely want to get to know you and make sure you are a trustworthy person. Do your best to make a good first impression, then ask for permission politely and accept their terms gracefully, even if they tell you no.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Introducing Yourself to Parents
Step 1. Become a familiar and positive presence
If possible, it is best to connect with the parents of the girl you like before asking for permission to date. Ask her to organize a group activity at her home or, if possible, invite her (along with other friends) to an informal family gathering. This way you will have the opportunity to take the first steps and become a friendly and familiar face in the house. When you ask for permission, they will already know that you are a reliable guy and a positive influence.
One way to show that you are a positive influence is to study at the girl's home. Focus on studying, so you will appear as a responsible and mature person
Step 2. Talk to his parents in person
Show your respect for them with a special visit. Talk to the girl first and ask if she can invite you to dinner. Knowing that you are a welcome guest will ease some of the tension.
- She might ask: "Mom, Dad, can Marco come to dinner with us on Wednesday evening? He would love to get to know you better and ask you if we can go out together." This way the girl's parents will have time to think and your request won't take them by surprise. If you've been to their home before and presented yourself as a respectful and trustworthy person, their parents will be more likely to invite you.
- Consider that it will not be easy to introduce yourself to parents without being known in advance; no matter how polite you may be or dress well, you will still be a stranger.
Step 3. Take care of the look
Dress in a traditional way; think about what you would wear at an elegant dinner with grandma or at church. Make a good first impression.
Make sure you shower, or at least wash yourself. You need to look as presentable as possible
Step 4. Introduce yourself
Start by saying your name, smiling sincerely and with a handshake. Call the girl's parents with title and surname, for example Mr. and Mrs. Bianchi, unless you receive different indications.
- If you've met them before, you can say "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Bianchi, it's really nice to see you again. Thanks for the dinner invitation".
- If this is the first time you see them, try: "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Bianchi, I'm Marco Verdi. It's a pleasure to meet you".
- Shake hands firmly and confidently, looking the other person in the eye as you greet them. Keep your back straight and your head up.
Step 5. Let them lead the conversation
The girl's parents will have a lot of questions for you. Try not to be in too much of a hurry to show off your achievements. Let the dialogue flow naturally. If they are worried or curious, you can be sure they will ask you questions.
- They will likely ask you questions about friends, family, goals, and interests.
- Name everything that promotes your image as a reliable and responsible person: volunteering, participating in religious life, a job and extracurricular activities that make you understand what your character is.
- You might say, "I'm currently working as a lifeguard on weekends and busy with swimming practice on other days. I'll start giving swimming lessons next week at the public pool."
Step 6. Be polite but spontaneous
Do not consider the meeting as a formal professional interview. Answer all questions in a friendly, warm tone of voice. Make sure you show interest in the lives of the parents of the girl you like with questions from your side as well. When you first meet someone, showing your sincere interest allows you to make a good impression.
- You can ask parents "How long have you lived here?" or "Did you grow up here?". You can also look for common elements, for example "Mr. Bianchi, did you coach with my father a few years ago?".
- Make sure the conversation is two-way. None of the participants should give monologues or ask any questions.
- Don't let the phone distract you during the conversation. It is very rude to look at your cell phone while another person is talking to you. Put it on silent mode and keep it in your pocket all evening.
Step 7. Be honest
If you feel that you have a bad reputation with the girl's parents, do this. Be honest, even if you have to admit to something you'd rather hide. They will respect you a lot more if you tell the truth instead of lying. They won't trust you if you lie.
For example, if they ask you a question about a bad decision you made in the past, be sure to explain that you learned from your mistake and that you are a different person today. For example, you might say, "That's right, I'm one of the guys who got suspended last year for the mess in the canteen. Looking back now, I'm still ashamed of all the extra work we've done for the orderlies. We've even sent a note. of apologies"
Part 2 of 3: Ask for Permission
Step 1. Make sure they know their daughter wants to go out with you
Let the girl's parents know that she is interested in getting to know you better, but that both of you have decided to talk to them for their blessing.
- You can say, "Laura told me she knows how important it is to you to meet the people who want to go out with her. So I wanted to respect her and her family by coming to you and asking permission to take her on a date."
- Recognize that the decision is also the daughter's. You can say, "I want your permission to go out with your daughter, but I understand that she must accept my invitation too. If she is no longer interested, I accept it."
Step 2. Explain why you want to date the girl
Tell us what you like about her personality and why you want to get to know her better. Talk about the things you have in common. Convince your parents of the value of your relationship.
- You can say, "Paola and I have been classmates for the last year and have become friends. She's a lot of fun talking to her. I think we've bonded because of our love of science fiction movies."
- Say nothing about the physical characteristics, just talk about the personality. Telling the girl's parents that you think she's hot would make you out of the house in no time!
Step 3. Ask if you have their blessing
Once you've introduced yourself and explained why you want to date the girl you like, it's time to ask the question. Keep calm, keep your tone polite and friendly, then ask if you can go out with her. Explain what kind of date you have in mind.
- You can say, "I would very much like to get to know your daughter better and I think she thinks the same about me. Do we have your permission to go out together?"
- Or: "I thought I'd take Elisa to the school play next week, then have an ice cream with her. We'll probably be back by 10pm. Okay?"
- If they seem reluctant to go on a date alone, you can ask to go out with the girl in a group. Make sure they know the other people who will be there. You could say, "Some of our friends are going out for dinner next week. I think you know Laura and Giacomo? We would like Elisa to come with us."
Step 4. Accept their terms
Accept the answer politely and politely, trying to understand the decision. If they say no, ask for explanations and try to understand why.
- They may tell you they think their daughter is too young to date a guy. You can ask: "Would it be okay if the outing was a group?".
- They may tell you that you can leave as long as you get back early. Show yourself available and say, "No problem, I have a curfew at 10pm. Is that okay or do you have to go home earlier?"
- If this is their first time meeting you, they may tell you they want to get to know you better. You can answer, "We have a test next week. Could I come here on Saturday afternoon and study with Elisa?"
- If they say no to everything, you can ask, "Do you think we can talk about it in a couple of months?" Accept that you may have to wait a little longer before dating the girl you like, but remember that you will still be able to see her at school, during extracurricular activities, or at social events.
Part 3 of 3: Prove You Are Responsible
Step 1. Keep your word
Prove that you are trustworthy. If the girl's parents place strict limits on the time she can spend with you, keeping promises and behaving in a trustworthy manner can help you gain more freedom and responsibility in the future.
- Always be honest about your travels. If you say you're going to the cinema, actually go there to see the movie you said, at the specified time. Don't go to a different screening and don't do another activity. If the parents of the girl you like find that you lie about where you are going, they will likely prevent you from continuing to see her.
- Be on time. Take her home when you said you will. If it is impossible to avoid the delay (for example due to an unexpected traffic jam), let the girl's parents know as soon as possible. In the future, try to avoid circumstances that can make you late, for example by choosing places that can be reached on foot.
- Make sure your transportation is safe and reliable. Let the girl's parents know how you will get to the club and how you will get back. For example, if they don't trust you to drive her, propose an alternative without arguing.
Step 2. Provide contact information
Give the girl's parents your phone number. Answer their phone calls and messages right away. You can also provide your address and the number of your parents, so that they can contact you in other ways as well. Adults like to know how to reach you easily.
- You can ask your parents to talk to the girl's parents. Show your courage and arrange a phone call where the girl's parents can ask any questions they want about you.
- If your situation at home isn't ideal and you don't think your parents would speak well of you, you can ask another adult you trust for the same favor.
Step 3. Avoid doing things in secret
Respect the limits set by the girl's parents, even if you disagree with them. If they catch you sneaking out, it will be very difficult to regain their trust and carry on your relationship with their daughter.
If the girl you like wants to do things secretly, don't go along with her. Ask her to be honest with her parents and try to talk to them. You might say, "I like you a lot, but I want to respect your parents' wishes. Do you think you might try talking to them again?"
Step 4. Do your best in school
Parents have a tendency to trust good students more. Make sure you and the girl get good grades. Her parents will be more likely to put limits on her romantic relationships if she doesn't do well in school.
