When you are with the same person for an extended period of time, making love can become as routine as doing the dishes. But if you want to keep your relationship alive, you need to bring the passion into the bedroom. If you're desperate for ways to spice things up with your sweetie, look no further.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Acknowledge You Have a Problem
Step 1. Admit that making love isn't what it used to be
When you started dating, you couldn't keep your hands off and you couldn't be apart for more than a couple of hours. But now that you've been together for five years, your lovemaking is like thinking about dinner in front of the TV. Here are some signs to tell if something is wrong:
- When you can't remember the last time you had sex. If it takes more than a few minutes to remember the last time it happened, chances are it's been too long, or it was so ordinary that you literally forgot it.
- When you have stopped taking particular care of your appearance in anticipation of doing so. Women, if you once used to shave your legs every morning and now go weeks without doing it, it could be a sign that you aren't giving yourself enough work, or that you don't care that much. And men, if you don't make even a little effort to be clean anymore, it can be a sign that you don't care about what's going on in the bedroom.
- If sex is just another thing on your "to do" list. If you are happy after having sex, because you have accomplished another task and can move on to the next chore, it is a sign that you do not see it as something fun and sensual, but as another part of your routine.
- If your partner doesn't turn you on anymore. This is one of the worst signs, but fear not! Unless this is a permanent condition, it can be addressed with a little sensuality.
- If sex is something you fear.
Step 2. Make sure your sex life is the only problem
Sometimes your lackluster situation is just part of the natural evolution of a relationship, but that may not be the only problem. Before attempting to bring the passion back, you need to make sure you have a strong relationship. Here are some signs that there are other problems besides just a lack of passion:
- If you feel very distant from your loved one. If you and him stop sharing intimate thoughts and worries, or if you feel you have no idea what your partner has been up to over the course of the week, you may be adrift. If your boyfriend walks into an apartment you share and you ask yourself, "Who is this person?" your problem may be more than just a lack of passion.
- If you find yourself fantasizing about other people and never about him. If you only ever think about having sex with strangers, or TV characters, but you never think about making love to him unless it is happening, it means that you no longer like each other.
- If you fight constantly and feel miserable more and more often. While all good relationships require work and commitment, if you are generally unhappy with the person next to you and find yourself better off on your own, then no amount of stellar sex will be able to set things right.
Step 3. Communicate your problems in the bedroom
If you are really worried and want the other person to be a part of your life forever, then it's time to try and talk about it. If the rest of your relationship is working well, the "lines of communication" should be open, and addressing the situation is the first step to improving it, even if it can be a little awkward. Here's how to get started:
- Try to set the speech in a casual but decisive way. There's no need to scare your partner by saying you want to have "a really serious talk," but be firm about the fact that you have something to discuss with her. Tell her, "There's something I want to talk to you about." Pick a time when she isn't busy and stress-free to discuss it.
- Assure your significant other that you still love her, but that you are willing to work on it.
- Once you agree that your relationship needs more passion, you can discuss some of the reasons this is happening. Do you take everything for granted? Are you both so busy that sex isn't a priority? Are you both too stressed to think about it? Whatever the problem is, discussing it together is a first step to solving it.
Method 2 of 5: Be Romantic
Step 1. Prepare for romance
You will not be able to put passion into your relationship if you are in a tracksuit and have not showered in three days. If you want to start feeling romantic again, it's important to prepare yourself.
- Always try to be clean. Even if you know it's going to be a busy day, passion can strike at any moment, and it's important to be prepared. Both you and your partner should make an effort to use the shower often, fix your hair, smell good, and have fresh breath so you can start getting in the right mood.
- Dress well. Even if it is unthinkable to dress up every night, especially if you live together, make an effort, try to wear tight, fresh and captivating clothes, so that you have a pleasant look even when you walk around the house.
- There may be some days when we dress more informally, in the living room or around the house in pajamas, but this doesn't have to become a routine.
Step 2. Do romantic things
Once you start thinking more romantically, you can also act more romantically. It is important to create a romantic atmosphere, to keep your passion alive before going to the bedroom. That's how:
- Create a romantic atmosphere. If you live together, keep the apartment clean with eye-catching lighting and clean sheets is always one more chance. If you don't live together and your partner is coming to watch a movie, light some scented candles and get rid of the clutter so he'll think about sex instead of why you didn't take out the trash.
- Romantic encounters. Make an effort to have at least one night once a week just for you. You could have a delicious dinner at home with a bottle of red wine, take a moonlit stroll, or go to the new restaurant down the street.
- Listen to jazz or watch romantic movies. If you are surrounded by romance, you are much more likely to be romantic.
- Make romantic gestures. If you're a boy, open the doors, pull out the chair for her to sit in, and put your coat over her shoulders if she's cold. If you are a girl, take him by the arm or kiss him on the mouth at the right time.
Step 3. Say romantic things
Make sure you compliment your partner by telling her how much you love her. Be nice by leaving her a note on the mirror, in lunch, or in her mailbox; that way he'll think about you during the day. Here are some other ways to say romantic things:
- Write in a card all the reasons why you love her. It doesn't have to be his birthday or another special occasion, you can do it on any day. You can even show up with the list early in the evening, to really impress her.
- In the evening, tell him how much you love him before you go to bed.
- Send occasional text messages telling your sweetie that you think so.
Method 3 of 5: Be Adventurous
Step 1. Make love in new positions
Once both of you are more romantic, it's time to get busy. Here are some tips for making love in new places and positions:
- Make love in a new part of your home. Having sex in the bedroom can get boring, try some new places, like the shower, or the kitchen as long as the curtains are closed.
- Have sex on the sofa or in a special place in your home.
- Take a sexy vacation. Take a trip to the beach, to a romantic island, or have sex in a hotel room.
- Choose an unconventional place. Don't bother anyone, find a private place, in your car, in a park, or in a tent, while you are camping. Remember that you can get in trouble with the law for having sex in public, choose the places wisely.
Step 2. Try new sexual positions
If you're always having sex in the same position, it's time to turn things around. Part of the passion is doing new things, so your mission should be to get out of the missionary position. Here are some tips for looking for new positions:
- If you avoid the comfort zones, you are very likely to come across something new and sexy.
- Move things around. If you are always on top, change your position and see how you are.
- Don't be afraid to look for new positions. Read the Kamasutra or search for new positions online.
- Improve flexibility. Take yoga classes. This will help you enjoy certain positions even more, or try new ones.
Step 3. Buy sex toys (or sexy clothes) at a store
You've been with the same person for years, you should be comfortable enough to make sex a little risque. Here are some ways to improve your sex life:
- Don't underestimate the power of sex toys. Go to a sex shop together and buy whips, handcuffs, sexy lotions, or anything else that can improve your sex life. Even if you feel uncomfortable, remind yourself that everyone is in that store for the same reason.
- Wear sexy clothes. If you are a girl, wear sexy lingerie, such as garter belts, thongs, and lace bras. You can also tease your partner by showing him what you're wearing for a second before covering him up. It is also possible to buy clothes that are ridiculously sexy that you would only ever wear in the bedroom, having fun taking them off.
Step 4. Try some fun sex scenes
Why not? Here are some scenarios to try:
- Dress really well like you're going to a wedding or somewhere important. Pretend you're late and really need to get out of the house. Have fun having sex in fancy clothes, make sure you keep them clean!
- Try having sex with almost any clothes on. You will feel just a little warm.
- Try some good old-fashioned healthy RPG. Go to a sex shop and try on some sexy clothes. You may feel silly at first, but whatever, to do it with a new dress!
- Confess your fantasy to your partner, even if it's ridiculous.
Method 4 of 5: Be vulgar
Step 1. Don't underestimate the power of talking dirty
A few good dirty talk can bring passion into your relationship, whether in bed or just talking on the phone. Here are some suggestions:
- Surprise him by talking dirty before bed. If the mood is right, you can tell him what you want, and the rest will come by itself.
- Talk dirty while you're making love. Tell your sweetie how he's making you feel, or tell him how much you enjoy touching his body.
- Send sexy sms. Send sexy messages to your sweetheart by texting him that you have a crush on him. But with discretion, make sure you don't embarrass yourself by sending messages that could end up in the wrong hands.
- Talk dirty on the phone.
Step 2. Watch something sexy
You might feel a little weird, but looking at something a little over the top together might give you some new ideas for making love and activating the process …
- If you are comfortable with your partner, watch porn together. If you feel good, it can help you.
- Check out sexy photos together.
Step 3. Be spontaneous
Your sex life will become a lot more exciting if you know you can have sex at any time, and you will be pleasantly surprised when your partner confesses to you that she is in the mood for an unexpected moment. Here are some ways to be hot and spontaneous:
- Even if you are doing something as trivial as reading the newspaper, if you feel aroused, start kissing and touching your partner.
- Sometimes unexpected relationships. You may be late to a friend's party, but if you're in the mood, make time for sex before going out.
- If you are in public, run home to do it. If you are in the mood while you are out, just say "I want you now" and run home.
Method 5 of 5: Keep your passion strong
Step 1. Work for your relationship
To continue having a healthy sex life, you need to work on maintaining a healthy relationship at all times. You have to work hard to show your partner how much he means to you; your sex life will continue to thrive. Here's how to do it:
- To communicate. Keep the lines of communication open so that you can discuss any problems in your relationship in the bedroom or not.
- Share your concerns. Praise the person you love often.
- Develop common interests. It is important to make sure that you have something in common together besides your new love growing.
Step 2. Keep your sex life interesting
Even if your sex life has improved, don't take anything for granted. There is always room to make things better, there is a possibility that things can get worse if you are not careful. Here are some ways to keep passion intact:
- Do this as often as possible. While you shouldn't count how many times you have sex, the more you do it, the more you want to do it.
- Never make love your last priority. You can have a busy week, but always try to find time to do it. Your relationship will become stronger and you will have a better frame of mind.
- Try something new whenever you can.
- Don't forget to tell your sweetie how sexy she is and how much you love her body.
Step 3. If you can't solve the problem yourself, ask for help
If you really want to make things work in the bedroom with your sweetheart, but can't make it, it might be time to ask for help elsewhere. This may sound scary, but having an awkward conversation with someone new is better than having awkward sex. Here are some places to look:
- Read sexy blogs or magazines for advice.
- Talk to your closest friends who are having passionate sex to ask for some guidance. Make sure your partner agrees.
- Consult a sex therapist. A sex therapist is a true expert who can really help you turn things around. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you are committed to saving your sex life and your relationship.
