Messy roommates cause more than one headache. In fact, they can cause stress and tension in the home. If the problem is not addressed, resentments and annoyances could emerge, leading to various fights and fights. The main strategy to remember is one: getting along with a roommate will make your life a lot easier. Do not forget that a direct comparison will not allow you to achieve the desired results, while a discreet and gentle approach will work wonders.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: How Messy Is Your Roommate?
Step 1. Ask yourself if it's actually as messy as you describe it
Chaos often comes from stress or depression. As a result, you will understand that a direct confrontation will only exacerbate the situation. Try to find out the reason behind the disorder. Also, remember that everyone has different standards of hygiene and cleanliness. It is quite possible that your roommate was raised differently than you, and therefore has no idea that his cleanliness standards are getting on your nerves.
- Are you behaving reasonably or do you demand exaggeratedly high standards regarding your standards of cleanliness and order?
- Ask a friend to drop by your house and give you an honest and objective opinion. Do it when your roommate isn't around. This can help you confirm your impression or reconsider it.
Method 2 of 3: Deciding How to Cope With This Thorny Situation
Step 1. Decide if you want to talk to him about it to fix the problem
The three basic solutions are three:
- Raise the question politely.
- Don't talk about it and bite your tongue daily.
- Avoid talking about it and waiting for the time to move in or change roommates, finding one who loves clutter less. The solution you choose will depend on how the situation makes you feel, the context (e.g. evaluate if exams are around the corner or if you are at the beginning of the semester) and the type of relationship you have (consider whether you agree on all the rest).
Step 2. Start talking about the problem
If you have decided to do this, do it in the least confrontational way possible. After all, as has already been stated, your roommate may not even know he is wrong.
- Begin by explaining to him that you feel uncomfortable living surrounded by socks on the floor, cookie packs opened and left lying around and mountains soiled with clothes. Without complaining, explain in a simple way why you feel suffocated by this disorder. Be calm and sincere. Express that the problem is chaos, not your roommate. At this point, it is best not to sweeten the pill, but, at the same time, remember that you will continue to live with this person anyway.
- As this is a very embarrassing subject, try to be as understanding as possible. Expect to have a chance to speak when you are alone in a calm and peaceful environment. Never accuse him of the disorder directly, it will only cause hostility and anger. Rather, the sentences should be as general as possible. For example you can say "I would like everyone to help keep the house clean, what do you think?" or “I almost tripped over the bag at the entrance, I'd rather everyone put their things in order”. Going general, your roommate won't feel too much attacked and will be more willing to change their behavior.
- Explain why you think clutter causes a lot of disadvantages. Talk about ants in the kitchen, bad smells, areas that are so untidy that they make you want to invite someone over to your home, whether it's for a pleasure visit or study. But be careful, because your roommate may feel offended by these words, they may think that you accuse them of causing ant infestations. If he feels criticized, there is a risk that retaliation will occur and the situation will get worse, so stick to the facts and be kind.
Step 3. Explain that you both need to feel at home in this room
Let him know that comfort can only be achieved if both of you are committed to keeping everything clean and tidy. By respecting these needs, it will be even more fun to live in the same room. Cluttered, dirty, and unhygienic spaces aren't good for anyone, while a reasonable standard of cleanliness is ideal for everyone involved.
Be prepared to distinguish between clean mess and dirty mess. You have to accept that there are different types of disorder. However, you can ask for a higher level of order on special occasions, for example when you invite your friends to study, when you celebrate a birthday, etc
Step 4. If the discussion gets heated, stay calm and keep focusing on whether you want to find a compromise that suits both of you
You can't expect a clean freak to convince a super messy person. You both need to understand the limitations of your approaches. Deciding where to draw the line may be unavoidable, but try to have a constructive conversation, directly avoid arguing.
You could define what you will do if things don't change. If your roommate doesn't understand what's going to happen if he doesn't start getting tidier, then he'll never be able to fix his space and improve. For example, if you live in a dormitory, you can ask to be moved or, if you share a rented room, you can tell them that you will be leaving at the end of the semester. The consequences depend on how successful the conversation is and what happens next. If your roommate doesn't understand what's going to happen if he doesn't start changing, then he'll never feel motivated to make an effort and be more careful
Step 5. If you want to wait instead of raising the issue, then you should change your attitude towards the situation
While this isn't a satisfying way to fix things, try to keep keeping your areas clean instead of trying to get your roommate to change too. Is the situation unsustainable? It might be time to move.
Method 3 of 3: Find a One-size-fits-all Solution
Step 1. Maybe your roommate wants the room / apartment / house to be at least as clean as you (or nearly so), but it's not natural for him to clean the way you do
In this case, it may be necessary to explain to him how to do it, because he does not have the knowledge or the proper tools to know exactly what to clean and how. Try to think of a system that works for both of you. Try as much as possible to turn it into a team project, you will have to collaborate, not put against each other.
If there doesn't seem to be any specific reason behind your roommate's clutter, suggest rotating cleanings of the house or apartment. Do it in a non-confrontational way. For example, you can say "I'll stick my weekly cleaning schedule on the refrigerator to remind me to vacuum on Thursdays." Afterward, ask him what he would like to participate in. This should send him a clear message
Step 2. Talk about your favorite household chores
If your roommate hates cleaning the kitchen but has no problem cleaning the living room, divide up the tasks. Maybe you could take care of the kitchen and bathroom and he could sweep / vacuum. Finding the household chores that bother you least will make cleaning easier and is better than hitting someone who doesn't know how to do it or hates it.
Step 3. Share the household chores that need to be done equally
Clearly assign cleaning and tidying jobs to both of you. Without clear-cut and defined assignments, the most disordered people will often not understand what they should do (or they will not give it importance).
Step 4. If you can't get help cleaning the bathroom, try leaving the sink, toilet, or tub full of detergent
By doing this more than once, your roommate will get the message, especially if you pour detergent on what he left out of the way, like toothpaste or other items. If you don't pay your share to buy these products, fill the kitchen counter with receipts.
Advice
- If you're sick of ordering her things but don't want to see them around, buy a box and put it under the sink. Enter all the dirty dishes and other things your roommate leaves throughout the house inside. It won't fix the problem in the long run, but it's ideal in the short term, especially if you're busy and don't have time to clean up for both of you. Be sure to inform him of this action of yours, ask him if there are any problems for him.
- Try to remember that your roommate is a person, not just a problem. It's all too easy to let such a hardship put an end to a friendship.
- Distinguish between dirt and clutter. Dishes left dirty for months are not hygienic, but books and papers scattered on the desk just make a mess. Some people cannot study or work in an orderly place.
- If you live in the dormitory or if you can quickly get in touch with the owner of the apartment, you could talk to the appropriate person and tell them that your roommate refuses to clean. Often it is the contract itself that says that tenants must keep the accommodation in order. This, however, is the last resort. You should try to talk to your roommate first.
- You'd be surprised at how helpful people turn out to be once you ask them to help you out, just do it directly. Sometimes all it takes to “discipline” a messy roommate is to tell him “I've had a very long day. Could you load the dishwasher tonight?”.
- Once a week, you could arrange to have dinner together and then clean up. A relaxing shared meal strengthens your relationship and also helps them know when it's time to start cleaning.
Warnings
- You realize you have a problem when the microwave turntable is used as a serving dish.
- Don't be petulant, this bothers people as much as seeing dirty things around bothers you. Nobody likes to be criticized for being unclean.
- Cleaning up another person's cluttered desk rarely works. Usually she already has a proven system, moving her things could confuse her and make her lose what she needs.
- Better to avoid hiding other people's things in an attempt to make them become more orderly. Generally this leads to heated fights, without solving much. Therefore, it is best to reach this point only if all your attempts have been in vain.
- Don't be a hypocrite. Make sure your roommate's clutter isn't just marginally superior to yours. It is easy to ignore your own mistakes while dwelling on those of others.
- Don't get angry, shout, or make obnoxious comments behind this person's back. This will only sour the situation.
- Don't be passive-aggressive, for example by cleaning for everyone except the messy person. Similarly, avoid leaving such cards around the house. This can end up confusing and genuinely upsetting your roommate. Be honest and try to communicate openly in case you have a problem; talk about it, don't use clues or tickets.
