So do you want to get married and start a new stage in your life with your husband? Of course, you have no guarantee that you will find the right person, but there are strategies you can devise to make this possible. Make sure you get out of your shell, try new experiences, and cultivate your self-esteem. Read on to find out how to find the perfect man.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Finding the Right Man
Step 1. Exit
You won't know the man of your dreams if you stay home, watching bad taste reality shows. You have to go out and start making new friends. You need to hire your friends and family to introduce you to someone. Among those you will meet, the man of your life may be hiding.
- Trying to do activities outside your comfort zone is important. This will not only multiply your chances of meeting someone, it will also make you more interesting. For example, if you're a classic bookworm, try going to a concert or signing up for a climbing course. You will meet different types of people, who in turn will introduce you to a larger social network, and therefore also introduce you to potential husbands.
- Your family and friends need to be clear that you are looking for a relationship. They will surely introduce you to men they think might be to your liking. People who know you well can be ideal for helping you out, as they usually care about your happiness.
- Try different types of dates. Create an online profile on a dedicated site and see what happens (first, however, exclude men who are obviously untrustworthy or unsuitable for you). Try going to blind dates organized by your relatives and friends. Many people who are married today have known their soul mates in this way.
Step 2. Cultivate your self-esteem
Being confident is a key trait in making more appointments. Furthermore, security can be more powerful than simple attraction, which is often subjective. The harder you try, the more confident you will become, and more and more men will be intrigued by your self-esteem.
- Pretend to be sure of yourself until you really are. The beauty of self-esteem is that it can be faked: eventually you will convince your brain, and it will really believe it. Start small: wear high-heeled shoes, but don't think they look bad, or apply red lipstick. Take it step by step to increase your confidence: ask one guy to give you his phone number, invite another for a drink, etc.
- Don't compare yourself to other people, especially other women. There will always be a girl who is more beautiful, successful and able to make wiser romantic decisions. You have to focus on your positive characteristics, not make comparisons.
Step 3. Introduce yourself effectively
Dating someone requires a bit of marketing, it's a bit like looking for a job. You have to learn to present yourself in a way that attracts men to you. This does not mean pretending to be who you are not, but that you should learn to convey your best, truest sides.
- Make a list of your good qualities. If you are having trouble (and this happens to many people with low self-esteem), ask a trusted friend for a hand. For example, you could write that you are a good listener, that you are funny, that you are a hiking ace, that you are ready for anything, etc. They must all be positive traits!
- Try to have a clear picture of yourself. Choose three of the features included in the list and create a profile. Again, remember that you shouldn't sacrifice your individual complexity. In fact, it is a quick way that you can use to introduce yourself and that your family or friends can use to describe you to ideal candidates. For example, by taking up the qualities listed above, you can be considered a person "fun, lover of the outdoors and ready for anything".
- Dress the right way. For example, you certainly don't go all neglected to a job interview. Again, you should choose what you will wear depending on the occasion, but don't do it in a particularly uncomfortable way (for example, getting dressed up to go to the gym is not a good idea at all).
Step 4. Be open
It is really important not to limit your chances of meeting new people. Don't just focus on the classic places they can introduce someone to you, like bars, parties, and so on. You can meet your significant other almost anywhere, all you have to do is open yourself up to this eventuality.
- For example, if you're on a long train ride, maybe have a few glances with that guy sitting in the other seat. With a touch of audacity, strike up the button.
- This is why it's so important to get out of the house and have new experiences. It's not impossible to meet someone special in the park, in the library, on a plane bound for an exotic destination, or at a charity event.
Step 5. Discard the ones that aren't right for you
If you get involved and create a real marketing campaign to promote yourself effectively, you will need to start arousing interest in men. This is the right time to start excluding those not suitable for you: the ladies, the hopeless weirdos and those who in principle would be bad husbands.
- Don't be insatiable. While you have to rule out those who will let you down, you should also try to give the guys you generally ignore a chance. This doesn't mean that you should force yourself to show interest in that creepy guy from the bar, but that you shouldn't rule out men who don't have six pack abs or who dress in a way that doesn't appeal to you at all. You never know who a romantic relationship might work with.
- Here's what to look for in a potential mate: He doesn't blame women for everything (a man of this type will sooner or later take it out on you too); he doesn't compare you to other women but he doesn't even put you on a pedestal; does not speak contemptuously; he is not obsessed with physical appearance (your beauty will fade with the passing of the years and if it is superficial it will start to look younger); wants to be in a monogamous relationship (those who don't want exclusive relationships will hardly make a commitment to get serious with you; you can have better).
Step 6. Be realistic
Remember, you have no guarantee that you will find a husband. Even if she does, she probably won't look like a movie star, won't treat you like a queen, and won't dedicate her every breath to your needs. This does not mean, however, that you will not find a person you will love and who will awaken your passion.
Part 2 of 3: Undertaking the Relationship
Step 1. Show him you're interested
Once you meet a man you like, let him know. While you don't want to be super clingy and pour all your emotions on him, you should send him some signals, like flirting.
- Eye contact is the most basic and important form of courtship there is. You can use it without relying on the other strategies that are always recommended by flirting articles. When you talk to this guy, dance with him or give him a seductive look from the other side of the dance floor, look him in the eye for a long time. He might be a little embarrassing at first, but the discomfort will soon be replaced by interest, and this will allow you to have a first contact with him.
- You smile. Doing so will soften the intensity of your gaze, and also show your interest. Never try to fake a smile, because this type of expression never involves the eyes and you immediately understand that it is forced.
- Ask him personal questions. People love to talk about themselves, so this will push them to open up further and understand that they care. Don't start talking about yourself right away after she tells you an anecdote. Instead, go on with the same topic by asking him questions about it.
Step 2. Don't neglect your private life
You need to be sure that you have an existence full of beautiful things outside of your love life. Go out with your friends. Have fun alone too. This will not only show that you are not clingy, it will allow you to have more conversation points when you meet him.
- Don't give up to go to him as soon as he invites you. Of course, you shouldn't ignore him or say no to him so many times that he thinks you're not interested. However, you need to make it clear that you have a busy life in addition to your relationship with him. While you enjoy spending time with him, you are full of rewarding activities to do.
- For example, if he calls you one night to invite you to go out with him, you respond by saying “I would like to, but I promised a friend of mine that I would accompany her to the opening of an exhibition. Can we meet next weekend?”. You show him that you are interested in him, but that you also have other things to do in your life.
Step 3. Make him laugh
Laughter is a great way to get someone's interest. Thankfully though, you don't have to become a stand-up comedian to do it. Also, it's important to remember that everyone has their own sense of humor. You'll need to consider jokes that you think might make him laugh before launching in with shrewd comments he won't understand.
- Telling funny, real life stories usually has a good hold on most people. For example, tell him about the time you got lost in the subway and had to call your friend to be rescued, or the time you tried to make donuts and almost finished setting your apartment on fire.
- In any case, do not discredit yourself. Don't call yourself stupid or silly, or any other pejorative adjective that comes to mind. This will only fuel your insecurities instead of improving your self-esteem. You can use a touch of self-mockery, without necessarily insulting yourself.
Step 4. Be kind to his friends
Just like with women, a man's opinion of his friends is pretty important in determining whether he should continue to see you and take your relationship seriously. You will need to make sure you impress them.
- This doesn't mean that you have to become a lick and that you have to go out of your way to please his friends. Similarly, if they make rude or offensive statements that you absolutely disagree with, you have every right to have your voice heard. If so, maybe you should rethink the relationship you have with this guy, maybe it's not for you.
- When you go out with your boyfriend and his friends, get to know them better: what work do they do? Where are they from? What did they study at the university? What were their childhood dreams? Again, remember that people like to talk about themselves. If his friends find that you pay attention to their answers, they will be much more motivated to cheer on your relationship.
Part 3 of 3: Deepening the Relationship
Step 1. Don't rush
A mistake made by many is to speed up the progress of their relationship. Sure, you really want to get married, and that's perfectly understandable, but you actually need to make sure you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person. A hasty decision will cause a lot of problems later.
- It is usually best to wait three months before starting to take a relationship seriously. During this time, the wonderful initial phase (that of the "honeymoon") ends and you learn to analyze the relationship more clearly.
- Let's take an example. You met a good guy and you went out several times together. Instead of sending subliminal messages about marriage or cohabitation right away, take a step back and let the situation naturally evolve in that direction. It will be harder for him to feel pressured because you absolutely want to have your wedding ring put on your finger.
Step 2. Moderate your expectations
Having numerous claims is another infamous factor for ruining relationships. If you enter into a relationship with a mind to getting married and being with this person until death do us part, you will only be putting pressure on your boyfriend. Things are unlikely to go exactly the way you planned them (this is life).
- For example, let's assume you've dated a guy several times and you've already told everyone he's the right one. You spend hours and hours imagining your perfect married life, but all these thoughts will take you away from what your current relationship is and the needs of both of you. A relationship must be allowed to evolve according to its timing.
- Daydreaming is absolutely not wrong, nor is hoping that one day he may marry you, but you have to make sure that the relationship is actually moving in that direction in real life. The image of this guy you get in your head may bear little resemblance to the one you actually hang out with, and when you realize this abysmal difference, you will feel hurt.
Step 3. Find out about his interests
A good way to make sure the relationship goes way beyond first dates is to show interest in your boyfriend's hobbies. This does not mean letting yourself be shaped by what he wants or abandoning your hobbies to pursue his. It means you should learn more about what he likes, ask him questions about it, and maybe try these activities.
- For example, your boyfriend really likes swimming. You might ask him what kind of swimming he practices, how he started doing it, if he competes, and so on. You could also ask him if he would like to help you improve your technique.
- However, if he does nothing but think about his hobbies and shows no interest in yours, sooner or later you will have problems. He may be a little narcissistic and he certainly isn't as into the relationship as he deserves.
Step 4. Don't take it for granted
A really important factor in building a lasting relationship is making sure the other person is aware of what they mean to you. He will feel that he is essential, and this will strengthen your relationship.
- Explain what it means to you. Make statements like "I'm really grateful to you for cleaning the kitchen last night" or "Thank you for listening to me babbling about what happened to me today."
- You can also do small things to show your appreciation: organize one of his favorite surprise activities or write him a letter listing the reasons why he means so much to you.
Step 5. Determine if he is interested in getting married
You have to understand if he is a man to marry and, specifically, if he thinks about the possibility of getting married with you. If she is not planning to get married but this is very important to you, then now is the time to move on and find a more compatible person.
- You can be direct and ask him "What do you think about marriage?" (avoid doing this at the beginning of the relationship, otherwise you will scare him).
- It would be better to take it easy on this question. You might start by talking about some mutual friends who recently got married or a colleague of yours and say, "I think the ideal age to get married is around 30, and you?". If he gets hives just thinking about the wedding, that's a bad sign.
- You should also pay attention to how he uses the pronoun "we" when talking about the future. The more plans he makes that involve you too, the more likely he is to consider making a serious commitment and getting married.
