Guilt can be an overwhelming feeling that prevents us from progressing in our life. Understanding how it is possible to end negative feelings and be able to overcome the burden of the past may not be easy at all. This article will guide you through the process and help you move towards a better future.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Understanding the Sense of Guilt
Step 1. Understand the reasons for the guilt
We normally tend to feel guilty for saying or doing something that hurt someone. In this case, the sense of guilt helps us to recognize that we have made a mistake, and is therefore a healthy and normal reaction.
Let's take an example: you forgot a friend's birthday and now you feel guilty because friends are supposed to remember the birthdays of those they care about and want to celebrate them together. This type of guilt is healthy and positive because it warns you that you have made a mistake that could ruin your relationship with the person in question
Step 2. Recognize when guilt is fruitless
Sometimes it happens that we feel guilty without there being a real need. In these cases, the sense of guilt is useless and harmful because it has no purpose. It just makes us feel bad.
For example, if you feel guilty for having to linger at work on a friend's birthday and failing to attend their party, you are experiencing completely unhealthy guilt. Often the fact of having to work and not being able to afford to go away to attend a party is something we cannot control. A friend will be able to understand that your absence is due to your need not to lose your job
Step 3. Identify the reasons why you feel guilty
If you feel guilty about something it is important to understand what it is and why. Identifying the source of your guilt and finding out the reasons why you have those feelings can help you determine whether you are experiencing healthy or harmful emotions. In fact, analyzing the reasons for their sense of guilt is an inevitable step for all those who wish to be able to overcome it.
Step 4. Write down your feelings
Describing your guilt in the pages of a journal can help you understand and overcome it. Start by writing down what are the reasons why you feel guilty. If it's something you did or said to someone, describe what happened in as much detail as possible. Include a description of how you feel about this situation, specifying what you believe are the reasons. What do you think you should feel guilty about?
For example, you could write down the reasons why you forgot your friend's birthday. Did something happen that distracted you? What were his reactions? How did they make you feel?
Step 5. If necessary, apologize
Once you have determined whether the guilt is more or less reasonable, you can decide whether an apology is in order. If you've forgotten a friend's birthday, you should apologize because loved ones are assumed to remember dates that are important to us.
Make sure the apology is sincere and don't try to justify your behavior. In order for your friend to realize that you are truly sorry for what has happened, it is important that you take full responsibility for your actions. Say something as simple as "I'm really sorry for _"
Step 6. Reflect on the situation to prevent it from happening again
After analyzing your guilt, identifying its causes and making the necessary excuses, you should find time to reflect on your actions in order to prevent a similar situation in the future. Reasoning about the mistake you made can help you avoid repeating it, allowing you to take advantage of the experience.
For example, after reflecting on forgetting a friend's birthday, you may decide that in the future you will need to be more careful about trying to remember important dates and you will need to take steps to prevent you from falling back into the same situation
Part 2 of 2: Overcoming the Sense of Guilt
Step 1. Turn guilt into gratitude
The sense of guilt can make you feel mistakenly responsible and give rise to useless and unhealthy thoughts, in no way capable of helping you to improve your future behaviors. So try to turn them into feelings of gratitude.
- For example, having forgotten a friend's birthday, you might be thinking "I should have remembered that yesterday was his birthday!" Such a thought does not allow you to improve the situation you are experiencing in any way and only makes you feel worse about your forgetfulness.
- Change guilt statements into positive affirmations, for example, "I am grateful that I realized how important my friends are to me and that I have a chance to prove it to them in the future."
Step 2. Forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself, just as you would if you were a loved one, is an important part of the process of getting over your guilt. If your feeling of guilt comes from something you want to be forgiven for or from a situation that is out of your control, it's really vital that you forgive yourself. If you want to face and overcome your guilt, then make a commitment to forgive yourself for your mistakes, just as you would be ready to do with a close friend.
The next time you feel guilty about something, take a deep breath and stop blaming yourself. Formulate constructive thoughts, for example "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
Step 3. Learn a lesson from Rossella O'Hara's character
Think about the phrase "After all … tomorrow is another day". Realize that each day brings with it a new beginning filled with hope, promise, and opportunities to start over. Understand that, although they may have been wrong, your past behaviors do not have the power to dictate the future. While they can have consequences, they don't have complete control over the rest of your life.
Step 4. Do a good deed
Often reaching out to someone means receiving the same amount of help in return. While they won't allow you to undo the damage done, good deeds allow you to move towards a more positive future. Studies have shown that helping others brings numerous benefits to both our physical and mental health.
Look for opportunities to volunteer by consulting with local hospitals, charities, and social organizations. Simply making yourself available for a few hours a week can help you overcome your guilt
Step 5. Incorporate a spiritual practice into your life
Some religions offer their members the opportunity to atone for their sins, sometimes helping them to overcome the sense of guilt. You can choose to go to a religious community or to undertake your own spiritual practice in solitude. The benefits of the experience will far outweigh just relieving your guilt. In fact, research has shown that spiritual activity and prayer are able to reduce stress and, in case of illness, the time required for healing.
- Consider going to a place of worship to pray with other members present.
- Try meditation or yoga.
- Spend time in nature and admire its many wonders and beauties.
Step 6. If you cannot overcome your guilt alone, you can decide to see a therapist
Sometimes the sense of guilt can interfere with the life and happiness of those who feel it. Without getting any help, understanding why we feel responsible and determining how best to deal with those feelings may not be easy. A mental health professional can help you recognize and reason about your guilt by supporting you and allowing you to leave it behind.
Note that excessive guilt could result from a mental condition that needs to be treated. Talking to a therapist can help you better understand what is ailing you and allow you to take the correct actions
Advice
- If you'd rather keep your emotions a secret but feel the need for someone's support, try talking to a trusted person, such as a close friend or family member.
- Guilt and obsessive thinking can be caused by depression or other psychological problems. Contact your doctor for appropriate help.
