When we make mistakes, we feel guilty, even without getting caught or receiving punishment. We carry the weight of our misdeeds on our conscience, we feel overwhelmed by the sense of guilt and we are unable to enjoy life to the full. Fortunately, there is a way to get rid of the burden of shame: to feel better, we need to make amends. In other words, you have to apologize and seek forgiveness. Attention:
this article is about confessing guilt in a general way without making any reference to specific religions. If you are looking for information about the sacrament of confession in the Catholic religion, click here.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Make Amends
Step 1. Sit down with the person (s) you have offended
A confession should consist of an intimate and private conversation between you and whoever you have challenged with your actions. There is no need for spectators; when you confess your faults, you should try to be humble, not to put on a show. Host a private meeting just for you and the people who have been wronged by you. You can be as blunt as you want when you invite them. There is nothing wrong with saying "I have a confession to make. When can we meet?"
Having some privacy is important. A confession can give rise to highly emotional reactions. Do not embarrass yourself or the other person in front of everyone, for example by confessing the crime in a crowded restaurant
Step 2. Choose to be completely sincere and honest
In life we are used to wearing a mask to show sides of us that reflect how we want to be seen by others. You will have to throw this mask away. In confessing your faults, you need to lay bare yourself. You will not be able to confess your wrongs properly if you try to behave presumptuously. Instead, you will have to admit that you are not perfect; which for many turns out to be very difficult. Any attempt to remain calm or aloof will make you seem unreliable. Be prepared to give up on the pretensions you usually have.
- This is an example of a confession that sounds self-righteous: "Hey, Franco, I broke your trumpet. I'm sorry! I guess I couldn't control my physical strength!" It does not seem at all that the person who is confessing his guilt feels sincere regret; trying to be witty she couldn't get the message across. A better way to do that would be to say, "Hey, Franco. Listen, I've got some bad news. I accidentally broke your trumpet. I'm sorry. I know how important it was to you."
- We are not used to hiding our true personality only from others. We also often lie to ourselves about our motives. Be completely sincere and honest with yourself: why did you misbehave? Don't make up excuses if you don't have any.
Step 3. Admit you made a mistake
This is the main purpose of a confession: to acknowledge that you have been wrong. Be direct and get to the point right away. Tell the people you have gathered that you have made a mistake and that you have wronged them. Confess to them that you are sorry for what happened and that you would like them to forgive you. Tell them what you did, how you hurt them, and why you feel remorse.
- Don't beat around the bush. If you are about to confess to a friend that you spoke badly of him behind his back, do not try to lighten the mood by talking, for example, about how spiteful the characters in the movie Mean Girls are. It's much better to say, "I was angry that you didn't invite me to come camping; so, I told Gianna you hate her. I'm really, really sorry. It was mean of me to try to ruin your friendship."
- Be prepared for the reaction of people who have been wronged. If you've done something serious, don't be too surprised if your victim gets angry or starts crying or screaming. The emotion that is unleashed during a confession can be a lot. Remember that no matter how things turn out when you confess your faults, admitting your mistakes will have taken the first step to improve the situation. It would be worse if you left things as they are continuing to, in effect, deceive that person.
Step 4. Explain how the facts really went
If you need to "confess" your misdeeds, it means that they were previously a secret. For this reason, in confessing your wrongs it may also be necessary to explain how the facts actually unfolded, especially if you lied about them. This is very important, especially in those cases where someone else has taken the blame for your actions. You have a duty to let everyone involved know the truth, even if it won't be pleasant.
For example, if you sat quietly while a classmate took the blame for the joke that you you had planned against the freshmen, when you confess the crime to the director, in order to exonerate the innocent (your classmate) and make sure that the culprit (you) has what he deserves, you will have to correct the "official" version of the facts.
Step 5. Be humble
When we confess a wrong to someone, we are in an inferior position towards that person. In confessing your faults, you don't have to be stubborn or proud. Don't pretend your purpose was good or noble, if not. Don't make excuses for yourself if you don't deserve them. Do not use your confession as an opportunity to make yourself beautiful or to belittle the person you have wronged. Admit your guilt with dignity and humility.
Never blame the victim while you confess. If you "borrowed" some money from someone's purse, don't say something like: "I'm sorry I took that money, but I only did it because you didn't want to buy me those shoes I liked so much"
Step 6. Ask for forgiveness
Be humble and direct. A line like "I'm really, really sorry. I hope you can forgive me" works great. This is the result you should strive for when confessing: being reassured that the person you disappointed has forgiven you deep in their heart. This will help you put what happened behind you and make you feel at peace with yourself. You can also go further, because once you have received forgiveness, your confession will be over. After being forgiven, it will no longer make sense to feel guilty; so, try to move on.
Unfortunately, in some cases, people who have been wronged by you may not forgive you. If you have been wrong with someone multiple times or have done something particularly serious, they have every right to decide not to forgive you. In this case, it's not enough to say you're sorry; you have to show that you are truly repentant by changing your behavior
Step 7. Get advice
You confessed and (we hope) they forgave you. What do you have to do now? The first step might be to ask the person you offended, who might explain how you can make up for your mistakes. It may also give you the names of other people you should apologize to. Don't be surprised if she tells you that your relationship with her will have to change from then on. If you have done something serious, it may require that there are new rules and boundaries in your relationship. For example, if you have betrayed someone's trust by spreading gossip, that person may decide not to confide in you anymore. Respect these new limits to show that you are sorry and to be able to slowly regain his trust.
Remember that confessing doesn't automatically make you start from scratch. Don't make the same mistake again. Confessing guilt shouldn't just help you get forgiveness, it should also help you grow; therefore, try to improve and leave behind the mistakes of the past. Don't go back to old habits
Step 8. Confess a crime to the proper authorities
If you have done something really serious you have it series consequences, for example if you have committed a crime, you should confess it to the carabinieri, the police or other competent authorities. Cooperating with the authorities will also allow you to have a discount on the sentence you will have to serve.
Never try to lie to a judge or to the police to avoid confessing: it is a crime. Lying will only make your situation worse
Part 2 of 2: Confessing Wrong in a Relationship
Step 1. Consider your confession as an act of love
It can be very, very difficult to confess a wrong to someone you love. Nobody wants to hurt or disappoint the person they are in love with. Remember that you are still hurting your partner a lot by lying to her, even if she doesn't realize it herself. Confessing a wrong to someone you are deeply attached to can be difficult and painful; therefore, if you are hesitating, try to consider your confession as an act of love. By telling the truth, you will show your partner that you love her deeply, even if this truth puts you in a bad light in her eyes.
That said, don't twist the facts by using your love for her as an excuse. "I hid the truth from you because I love you" is no justification for your behavior. If you weren't honest with your partner, you were wrong with her. Point
Step 2. Explain your behavior
In a relationship, it is even more important than in other situations that your partner knows exactly how you hurt her. Since (presumably) you still care a lot about her, you may be tempted to hide the truth from her so as not to hurt her feelings and minimize what happened in good faith. Don't: Your partner deserves you to be honest with her, even if the truth will be hard to swallow. You could end up breaking her heart altogether if she finds out in the future. Be honest and tell all the truth.
- While you need to be extremely outspoken about your faults, you may needlessly hurt your partner by adding too many details. For example, if you have cheated on her, you should tell her with who And when it happened, but you don't need to tell her how it went in detail (unless she asks you for it herself). That information may be too much for her to bear.
- Consider confessing a wrongdoing to your partner as a way to update her on the current status of your relationship. You will not be able to have a solid relationship in which to grow together, if each of the two has a different idea about the state of the couple.
Step 3. Apologize for breaking your partner's trust
There is a reason for saying that "trust is the foundation of every good relationship". A relationship does not exist if the two protagonists do not trust each other. We cannot spy on our partners 24 hours a day, seven days a week; therefore, we can only choose to trust them and their word. We also need to firmly believe that they will be honest with us about their feelings. If you have hidden your feelings or actions from your partner, it means that you have betrayed her trust. Asking for forgiveness from the heart will help you regain it over time.
Step 4. Also apologize for endangering your relationship
In addition to apologizing for betraying your partner's trust, you should also apologize for ruining your happiness, diminishing mutual trust, and the overall strength of your relationship. You have somehow ruined something that belongs to both of you. Confessing your faults to your partner is a bit like confessing to a workmate that you have ruined a project you both worked on, only here the stakes are higher.
After confessing, both of you may feel uncomfortable and very tense. You may also start to feel depressed, depending on the severity of what you did. When you apologize for harming your relationship, it would also be wise to apologize for the hard times that will follow your confession
Step 5. Accept the consequences of your actions
Confessing your misdeeds is certainly a more honest and liberating way than keeping it all inside, however remember that your confession could have serious implications for your relationship. It could change the way you and your partner view each other. It could drastically affect the trust you have in each other. In severe cases, it could even mean the end of the relationship itself. Accept these implications in your relationship. Confessing your faults will help set you on the right path to move forward and try to make up for your mistakes, but Not it is a way to escape the consequences of your actions.
