Not getting proper attention can be a problem at work, in a relationship, or in any other situation. While there is no magic formula to get people to listen to you, there is something you can do in some circumstances if you want to be heard.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Being Listened to at Work
Step 1. Adapt your communication style to people
To make sure you are heard, especially at work, you need to speak by adapting to the people in front of you. Always consider who you are going to talk to when trying to make yourself heard.
- Consider how they talk: do they speak quickly, blasting what they think? Do they speak slowly and carefully?
- If you speak quickly to a person who expresses themselves at a slower pace, they will likely be inclined to end the conversation, no matter how concise your thought is. It is advisable to set the pace according to that of your interlocutor.
Step 2. Get to know your colleagues
This aspect is part of the need to adapt the communication style to the people in front of you, but it is necessary to be able to speak effectively to work colleagues. If you want them to listen to you, then you will need to speak at their level, which involves understanding what their level is.
- Find out what sets them apart and get an idea of their point of view. If they have a blog, check them out, if they write articles for a magazine that has to do with your industry, read them carefully. It is good to know their ideas.
- Understand what topics they are interested in and what they value. To be heard effectively, you need to focus your ideas on what strikes your colleagues most. For example: if you find that a colleague is really interested in protecting the environment, then you could show how your ideas are useful in protecting it.
Step 3. Keep yourself well informed
During meetings it is not at all advisable to throw your thoughts there without having the faintest idea of what is going on. Make sure you know what topics are going to be at business meetings.
A great way to be able to speak well and be heard in a meeting or discussion is to prepare in advance on certain topics and concepts that will be covered. It can be a starting point to express your ideas, especially if you are a bit reticent by nature
Step 4. Choose a medium of expression that suits you
You should harness your strengths while discussing an idea you have or describing a work situation, while continuing to keep the audience in front of you in mind. If you are more comfortable with a PowerPoint file, use it as a means of expressing what you think.
- People learn and assimilate information in different ways. You can see if your colleagues or people in a meeting are learning better visually or by listening.
- Mixing up information presentation styles is also a great way to make sure people are always following. For example: you could prepare a PowerPoint file, a handout and a little discussion of your ideas.
Step 5. Get started early
This advice is especially important if you are someone who has difficulty speaking in a meeting or during a discussion. If you have an idea, throw it right away. Hesitating, you risk someone else saying it before you or the conversation gets too hot, preventing you from being comfortable.
Of course, don't do this if no one has asked a question or asked for ideas. You would look a little presumptuous
Step 6. Ask questions
Often, people are so focused on proposing their ideas that they forget that asking questions can be just as important, and sometimes it can be even better than just exposing what they think. Questions can help clarify problems or get people to think about a problem differently.
- For example, if people are arguing about the best way to optimize their work day, ask what the boss is looking for, what the most problematic points are, and so on.
- Prepare questions in advance, even if you won't ask them later. By doing so, you can prepare and clarify your thoughts.
Step 7. Maintain eye contact
You certainly want people to pay attention to what you say. By maintaining eye contact with people in the room, you will make them more likely to turn their attention to you as you speak.
- By maintaining eye contact, you will also show that you have confidence in yourself and your ideas, which predisposes people to consider you.
- Also, eye contact will make people listen to you by getting involved with whatever you are saying. If you see that it doesn't happen or that they seem disinterested, maybe try to reconsider the way you are proposing your ideas.
Step 8. Don't expect anyone to ask you for your opinion
While it can occur in other situations in life, it is especially true in the workplace. Sometimes many people are so busy presenting their ideas that they don't ask what you think, because they feel that if you had an idea, you would have no problem sharing it.
- One must consciously strive to be heard and to speak. If you don't, then it will be difficult to get due attention. Try to take some time to get comfortable with the speech, but the more you do it, the better.
- This attitude can be particularly difficult for women, who are taught not to interrupt so as not to appear rude.
Method 2 of 3: Being Listened to in Relationships
Step 1. Choose the right time
To make sure you are actually heard, you have to choose the right time and place. This is especially important if you need to strike up a conversation about a difficult topic.
- It is better to choose a time when it is possible to be alone, rather than making public what you have to say. So, if there is a problem with your partner, chasing him in front of the whole family on Christmas Eve is not conducive to communication.
- Likewise, if you choose a time when you are both irritable or already agitated (during a long car ride, for example), you risk not predisposing the other person to listen to you.
Step 2. Know in advance what you mean
While it is not necessary to write down the points of your speech word for word, it would not be a bad idea to know the topics you intend to touch. This is especially important if you are shy or tend to have a harder time thinking and reacting quickly.
This way, you will be able to stay on course during a conversation, because you will be able to remember the things you need to discuss
Step 3. See if the other person is open to listening
While this ties into choosing the right time and place, it's important to understand when someone is willing to listen to you. If it isn't, it won't matter what you have to say or how you say it. If someone is not available to listen to you, they will not listen to you.
- The other person's body language can tell you many things. If he turns his back to you, doesn't make eye contact, or has his arms crossed over his chest, he'll likely be defensive or unwilling to listen to you.
- If she is aggressive or angry, then it will be very difficult for her to listen to what you are saying. In this case, it is best to get away as best as possible.
Step 4. Make sure your body language is conducive to dialogue
When trying to get someone to hear you, you need to make sure you communicate this message in body language. Do your best to avoid silencing her by paying attention to what you express with your body language.
- If you sit next to the other person, you are making them listen to you. Make sure you keep enough distance between you and her not to overwhelm her, but close enough for a connection to occur between the two of you.
- Keep your tone of voice and body language as neutral as possible. Avoid crossing your arms over your chest or clenching your fist. Keep your chest as open as possible.
- Maintain eye contact with the other person. This way you will be able to judge how he feels and whether he is still listening to you, and you will be able to maintain a bond between you.
Step 5. Prepare the ground
Try to involve the other person without silencing them. If you silence her directly, it will be almost impossible for her to listen to you. Therefore, it is appropriate to transform the discussion into a shared analysis rather than a moment of mutual accusation.
- For example, you might say something like, "I have a problem and I'm wondering if you can help me" and continue explaining that you need help taking care of the children.
- A second example might be something like, "I'm confused, I would love it if you could help me understand" and then goes on to explain that you feel a distance between you and that you would really like to work hard to bridge it.
Step 6. Express vulnerability rather than anger
Anger tends to become a mask for something deeper and more fragile, like fear or pain. When you throw yourself directly into anger, you close off every avenue of communication, instead of opening it.
- Vulnerability, while much more difficult (and more frightening) to express, is more likely to be heard. This means, however, that you will have to share your pain in a more thoughtful way.
- This is why so-called "I statements" are so incredibly important. Try explaining why you feel bad or why you are angry. For example: "I got angry when you forgot to collect your clothes at the dry cleaners, because it seemed to me that what I asked you to do was not as important as going home and lying on the sofa" is much better and more open than "You always forget everything. I don't think you pay any attention to what needs to be done at home!"
Step 7. Be open to listening to yourself
Speaking and being heard do not form a one-way street. You cannot assume that someone is willing to listen to you if you are not willing to do the same. It can be difficult to hear things about yourself or the relationship that clash with what you think, but if you want to hear the other person hear, you need to hear them too.
- Listen to what the other has to say. If you are unwilling to listen when your partner gives his explanations - "I forgot to take my clothes to the dry cleaners, because I was so nervous about the low grades our son took to school" - then you will not get anywhere.
- When the other person is talking, listen actively to them. If you become distracted or absorbed in your thoughts, ask him to repeat what he just said. Make eye contact as he speaks and pay attention to what he says, rather than focusing on what you need to say next.
Step 8. Feed your sense of humor
Have meaningful conversations that lead the other person to listen to you and open up when you are hurt or upset. All of these things can be incredibly difficult and emotionally strong. If you can deal with them with a little humor, it will be easier to move forward.
After all, people tend to be more open to listening when approaching the situation with a little humor than when emotionally charged
Step 9. Accept that the other person is sometimes not open to listening
You can't always be heard. It doesn't matter if you do everything "right". Even if you set the stage, pick the right moment, stay neutral, instead of getting angry, sometimes people aren't ready to hear what you have to say, and sometimes they never will.
If your partner can't or doesn't want to hear what you have to say, you may need to reconsider whether it is worth continuing a relationship with him
Method 3 of 3: Being Listened to in a Social Context
Step 1. Consider if you need to talk
The most important thing to get others to listen to you is that you have to try at the right time. This means you don't have to ask for it all the time. Remember quantity and quality don't always get along.
- Sometimes what people need is a friendly ear. Listening to other people can be incredibly important.
- Learn and practice the attitude of saying things only when you feel they are important. People will be more likely to listen to you if they know you are talking about interesting topics.
Step 2. Know when you shouldn't speak
There is no need to talk to everyone and there is no need to talk all the time. There are different times and places where people are more or less reactive to dialogue and listening. Knowing them will do you good, because in the long run you will know when you can get the attention of others.
- For example: Someone who has taken a night flight will likely be less likely to talk than someone standing in line waiting for a concert to start.
- Likewise, that person wearing headphones and looking out the bus window? Yes, he probably doesn't seem to listen to all the new sales strategies used by Ferrari.
Step 3. Point out when all you want is to let off steam
There are times in our life when we need an ear to show empathy in listening, while we take it out on some injustice. Now, some people, especially kids, are more interested in offering solutions than listening to complaining.
- Many people are happy to pity or listen if they know that's all you want from them. If they think they need to offer you a solution, they cut it short and perhaps are less likely to listen to you.
- Also, choose the audience. Your brother is probably not the best person to complain about your boyfriend, but your best friend is.
Step 4. Learn to listen
One of the keys to being heard is knowing how to listen. By doing so, not only will you find people more likely to really listen to you, but the people you know how to listen to will be more likely to listen to you, too.
- Put away your phone or iPod when you're talking to someone. Don't look around the room.
- If you miss something they said, ask them to repeat it.
