Gossiping is not just a bad habit: it can be a very harmful activity. It is important to limit one's tendency to gossip and try not to get involved with others in speaking ill of someone. Find out in this article how to cope with this bad habit and get rid of chatter in general - not only yours but also that of others.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Keep away from gossips
Step 1. Isolate negative gossip
Not all chatter is harmful, so it is not necessary to stop radically, but to learn to differentiate the nature of interventions and words. There are in fact harmless gossip and others, however, that can hurt and offend someone.
- Those who start the gossip (everyone sooner or later presents the opportunity) do not spend too much time analyzing the facts, on the contrary, they usually receive the information from someone else, who in turn heard it from someone else.
- There is also a big difference between talking bad about someone with a trusted friend and spreading poisonous information in front of anyone. Unless a person is in serious danger there is no need to make their conflicts public.
- For example, if you have heard that a person in your office is cheating on his wife, and you talk about it with other colleagues, it is harmful gossip (even if the news is true, there is no need to spread it). At that point, the information will reach the wife, who can use this knowledge to leverage other personal problems (or how to get a divorce from her husband).
Step 2. Ask yourself if it is so important to spread that information
Humans are social animals and gossip is part of our nature. It can also be useful to suggest compliance with the rules and maintain some control over the worst instincts of individuals, as they are always observed and examined by others. At the same time, gossip can harm a person, destroy their reputation and raise the status of the person who spread it at the expense of the targeted person.
- Here are some things to consider: Could gossip hurt someone? Is it backed up by evidence or is it just based on people's rumors? Do you feel like you want to talk about it to feel better or to increase your position? Is it information that came to you through someone else?
- If you gossip to feel the center of attention or to boost your ego, it is always better to hold back. From these factors only negative factors are born and nourished. Giving information could be: "Do you know they are about to open a new section of the library?", Or: "Do you know that Christian is in the hospital? We could go and see him”. On the other hand, harmful gossip is: "I heard that Sandra slept with someone from the Human Resources department, that's why she got a raise."
Step 3. Think about what problems lurk behind the gossip
For example, the reason you spread rumors about someone may be because you have a grudge against them, or an affront you have suffered that you have not forgiven. Think about what makes you mad about someone. Maybe you have been the victim of the same treatment.
- For example, if you find yourself talking often about someone's alleged sexual adventures, first stop spreading the gossip and think: What problem do you have with the person you speak badly of? Are you jealous of the fact that it is attractive and captures the attention of others? Assuming the information was true, what does it all fit into all of this?
- It's important to get to the root of the problem, especially if it's a recurring theme or if you think you're gossiping about a particular person often.
Step 4. Do something to fix the problem
Sometimes, rather than letting off steam with everyone you meet, you may be trying to get to the root of the problem. You will likely need to confront the person you were gossiping about and re-establish a constructive bond with them.
Sometimes, however, it is necessary to remove someone from your life. Rather than talking bad about your ex, pointing out how rude and irritating he was, it is preferable to stop naming him and avoid his presence in any way, delete his number and even remove him from your Facebook page. This way, instead of wasting time and energy on speaking ill of someone, they can focus their thoughts on something more interesting
Step 5. Give yourself a time limit for gossiping
If you really can't avoid it, at least try to contain yourself, and decide how long you can have a chat at the most. Once the fixed time has elapsed, absolutely stop and find other, certainly more constructive, occupations.
Limit yourself to 2 or 5 minutes per day if possible. Don't extend the same amount of time to every person you meet on the street
Step 6. Ask yourself questions before talking about someone
It is true? It is necessary? Does it need to be said? Do we need to talk about it right now?
Method 2 of 2: Avoid Gossiping with Others
Step 1. To limit the bad habit of gossiping, try not to do it in the presence of multiple people
Discuss a topic individually, especially if you are a person of some authority: you will need to pay attention to the situation in which you find yourself before indulging in small talk.
- Learn to deal with "chronic gossipers". Identify them and try to avoid their presence. If you just can't help but be close to them, don't give them any satisfaction when they start talking to you about something or someone. When you realize that the conversation is turning into an exchange of gossip, try to change the subject or walk away with an excuse. Those who have an incorrigible habit rarely manage to talk about other topics.
- For example, if your brother-in-law does nothing but talk badly about his sister or brother, talk to him privately and ask him what his problem is with his relatives. Let them know that it's not good to talk behind their backs and reveal details that could hurt them. If there are real tensions it is best to try to deal with people by thinking of a solution.
- Keep in mind that the habit of gossiping is not just a female characteristic: even men often spend time exchanging information that is inaccurate, false or harmful to someone.
Step 2. Get the right answers
When someone would like to tell you some juicy (and anything but constructive) gossip, find a way to divert attention to something different, or warn your interlocutor about the possible consequences of the words he pronounces.
- Here are some ways to politely divert the conversation: "Why don't we look at the situation from that person's point of view?", "Why are you talking about this so much?", Or "We could think of a solution to the problem."
- Try to get to the heart of the problem that gossipers have with the person in question. If he's a chronic gossip, you'll probably need to shut him up a little more forcefully.
Step 3. Change the subject
Sometimes all you have to do is shift attention to another, more positive topic. Try to do this without blaming the person who was gossiping, because if he notices he will likely get angry.
- The moment you notice that the conversation is changing, interrupt the conversation with a genic phrase, for example: "You know, we should decide what to do this afternoon after work."
- Or you can intervene by saying: “Come on, let's not talk about unpleasant things about Tizio and Caio. We find a more positive argument”. This phrase works especially if the gossip topic was rather depressing.
Step 4. Stay Outside
In the end, if you just can't deflect the conversation, the best way not to get involved is to make it clear that you are not interested in certain information. The person you're talking to might pick it up and make negative comments about you, but it's certainly the most effective way to keep yourself out of the situation.
- For example, you can say something like "I'm not at all interested in hearing all this chatter", or "It really doesn't matter to know what Mr. X does in his private life"
- If you don't know how to handle the situation without offending your interlocutor, come up with a random excuse, tell him that you have to leave because you have a commitment or you have to go home, to work, etc.
Advice
- If you feel the need to talk to someone, imagine that person is sitting next to you: you will be able to avoid offensive comments or words that could be misinterpreted.
- People you trust are not often "trustworthy" people. Avoid gossiping or one day you might find yourself in one of their gossip.
- Make it clear that you are not interested in making, or listening to, gossip of any kind. Also pay attention to the type of information you share with others.
