It is never pleasant when people talk behind their backs. Since rumors can be ambiguous, it is often difficult to pinpoint the source. For this reason, you risk making the situation worse if you try to deal with gossips directly. The best course of action is to ignore them. However, you may want to focus on more interesting activities and try to scale your view on the rumors that come to your ears.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: How to Deal With Those Who Gossip About You
Step 1. Do nothing
Even if you are tempted to take revenge or seek confrontation, sometimes the best reaction is to ignore the rumors about you. Just think that those who spread them didn't think it important to tell you in person what they said behind your back. So, you shouldn't take that into consideration and push the matter forward. Stop this spiral of negativity by completely ignoring it.
Step 2. Treat him with kindness
Alternatively, try to be friendly towards him. He will be disconcerted by your kindness when, for his part, he has gossiped about you. Also, if you show a positive attitude, he may feel guilty about the gossip he has spread.
Give a sincere compliment, like "Wow, Rosa! You worked hard on these flyers. The graphics are great."
Step 3. Set boundaries with the speaker behind your back
If you have to spend a lot of time with people who don't hesitate to discredit you, keep them at a safe distance. Just because you're forced to be with them doesn't mean you have to act like you're their best friend.
Be friendly, but don't get close to them. Avoid saying things that concern you personally, or they will use it to spread other rumors
Step 4. Find out the spokesperson's motives
If a close friend or acquaintance has reported rumors about you, make sure they have your good at heart. In most cases, a sincere friend doesn't lend themselves to spreading insinuations that could hurt the feelings of the people they love. However, if he is involved in this whole affair, try to find out why he felt the need to tell you about the rumors about you and how he reacted once he heard the news.
- You might ask him, "How did you know what was going on?" or "What did you say when they told you this rumor?". To better understand his motivations, you can also simply ask: "Why are you telling me about it?".
- You don't necessarily have to end the relationship with the spokesperson. However, it may be wise to take a closer look at it. Maybe he's not as innocent as he wants to appear or he might be feeding the gossip instead of trying to stop it.
Step 5. Don't get involved
You know how terrible it is to have someone talking badly behind your back because you have also been a victim of gossip. However, you will certainly not solve the problem by behaving in the same way. Some people just love to talk about the lives of others, but are not satisfied without an audience.
The next time someone is looking for an accomplice, say, "You know, what you say looks a lot like gossip. I prefer not to talk about it if the person concerned is not here to defend himself."
Step 6. Talk to someone in authority
If the backbiting is affecting your performance at work or your academic performance, you may want to report the matter to a teacher, supervisor, or manager who can handle the problem.
- You could say to him: "Problems have arisen with a partner / colleague. I think he is spreading rumors about me and this situation is affecting my concentration at work / school. Could you intervene?".
- If the partner or colleague in question has a reputation as a bully or a gossip, it is likely that your supervisor will see fit to take disciplinary action.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with Being a Victim of Gossip
Step 1. Distract yourself
It is not easy to stay focused on work or study when someone is talking behind your back. Instead of heeding the innuendoes, channel your energies into more enjoyable activities to distract yourself.
You could set up your desk, go for a walk around the block, have a chat with a friend, or set a deadline to finish a project
Step 2. Spend your time with positive people
It is normal for you to feel isolated when people gossip about you. Combat this unpleasant feeling by surrounding yourself with people who love you. They can cheer you up, improve your confidence, and even make you forget the gossip or negative rumors about you.
Call your best friend and ask him out. You may also be spending more time with your partner or family
Step 3. Make the most of it
Backbiting can lead you to question your strengths and abilities. Don't be too self-critical. On the contrary, think of all your strengths to remember how much you are worth as a person. Sit down and make a list.
Include all the positive traits that distinguish you, your passions and the qualities you value most. For example, you could write: "able to listen to others", "good shoulder to rely on" or "creative"
Step 4. Do something beautiful for yourself
A nice gesture will fuel positive thoughts and feelings. When your spirits are low for a rumor, treat yourself as kindly as you would a friend. Indulge in something enjoyable, like walking your puppy through the park or applying nail polish. Take a few moments of the day to be kind to yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Resizing Your View of Gossip
Step 1. Don't take them personally
Connect with people who gossip about you by remembering that the widespread innuendo about you highlights their true nature, not yours. You can't control what others say about you, but you can choose how you react. Consider gossip as an issue that exclusively concerns the perpetrators of this vile and mean deed, and refuse to be the victim of someone else's problem.
Step 2. Realize that envy may be the motive
You may not have this feeling because you are involved, but some side of your personality may be intimidating to people. Maybe they are envious of your looks, your skills or your popularity and discredit you just to hit you and hurt you.
Step 3. Identify low self-esteem
Another common denominator of people who indulge in gossip is low self-esteem. Those who speak behind others' backs could do it to feel better, because they have a negative opinion of themselves or little dignity and, consequently, also denigrate others.
