Gossiping about someone behind their back, especially when that person is the subject of rampant gossip, can be irresistibly juicy. Unfortunately, however, it can seriously hurt this person's feelings. The American Psychological Association even believes that gossip stress can cause academic decline among students. Gossip is also a double-edged sword: as fun as it is to gossip about others, when we do, we attract gossip about us, which is rarely pleasant. Do your friends and yourself an important favor and break the gossip habit before someone gets burned.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Addressing the Gossip About You
Step 1. Alarm your friends
If you learn that someone has been spreading malicious gossip about you, your first action should be to consult your closest friends. You should know and trust these people. Tell them the facts of the situation. If the rumor isn't true, they will surely fight its shedding by denying it every time someone brings up the subject. If the gossip is real, they can still help you stop spreading it by defending yourself and cracking down on people who keep putting it around.
Another big reason to reach out to your friends is that they will make you feel anything but overwhelmed by events. When it seems like everyone you know is talking about you behind your back, you can feel absolutely surrounded by backbiting: good friends will remind you that there are always people who love and respect you
Step 2. Compare the source of the gossip directly
If you know for sure who is responsible for spreading the malicious gossip about you, do something right now. When you get the chance, go to this person and tell them you don't appreciate the cruel things they've said. Keep calm when you do, you don't want to resort to derogatory words, just like this person did. You also don't want to give passersby the impression that the gossip is true if it isn't: if they don't know all the facts, they might assume that a particularly angry rebuttal indicates the truthfulness of the gossip.
- Say something polite but direct, like “Hey, I want you to know that I didn't like the things you said about me. Keep your thoughts to yourself, you idiot”. Then, go away - this person doesn't deserve your time. Ignore any insults you hear as you walk away.
- Sometimes, the person who started the gossip didn't do it on purpose. For example, it could be a friend who just accidentally let the secret slip away. In these cases, it's okay to express your disappointment, but you should avoid behaving in a way that appears vindictive or accusatory (for the same reasons as before).
Step 3. Maintain a healthy personal image
When you're worried that gossip will change what others think of you, you need to take a step back. Don't let gossip change the way you view yourself! The worst thing you can do is allow a voice to become a truly fulfilled prophecy, because you let your anxiety change your attitude or your actions. Remember that just because someone said something about you doesn't mean it's true. If a person has been obnoxious enough to spread gossip about you, they are surely disgusting enough to lie.
For example, if you happen to accidentally hear people talk about you about your slight speech impediment, do not remain silent or withdraw to avoid having to hear the sound of your own voice. They all have little attributes that make them unique: that of the person spreading gossip is to be pathetically mean
Step 4. Ignore it
Gossip is often best dealt with if you don't pay attention to it at all. Most people don't think about it that much, but, if they see you reacting in a way that seems agitated or embarrassed, they may think the rumor is true, even if it isn't. A good policy is to react to gossip as if it doesn't bother you. When you hear that gossip has been spread about you, simply annihilate it with a comment like "Eheh, you'd have to be stupid to believe that." Don't think about it too much. Other people will keep an eye on what you do. If you act like the gossip isn't worth anything to you, there's a good chance they won't keep spreading it.
When you hear gossip about you, laugh it off. Act like they're ridiculous! Have a laugh with others about it! Switch the tables by making the person who started the gossip the centerpiece of your jokes: Isn't it comical that he actually put out some silly gossip about you believing it worked?
Step 5. Never let gossip be harmful to your routine
True, if you know that there is terrible gossip about you, it can be difficult to introduce yourself in various social situations. If someone has told the entire football team that you have a groin fungal infection, for example, you probably don't want to go into the locker room before practice. It's really hard, but try your best not to stray from the activities you would normally participate in. Doing so will only make you feel more isolated. Instead, show the world that you care little about gossip by not altering your way of life in the slightest.
Step 6. Tell an authority figure
If malicious rumors and gossip are a frequent problem, or if someone has been spreading gossip that could cause you problems even though you did nothing, talk to a teacher, school psychologist, or administrator. These people can help you solve the problem: they are able to advise you on how to proceed, make you feel better, and even take disciplinary action for those who gave rise to the gossip. Don't be afraid to reach out to an authority for guidance when dealing with malicious or persistent gossip. These types of people exist to help you.
You should definitely talk to an authority about it if the gossip makes you feel like you can reciprocate by doing something drastic, like starting a fight. Many schools have zero tolerance policies for aggressive behavior. Don't get expelled for some stupid rumor (especially if it's not true). Get in touch with your school authorities right away
Step 7. Stay away from people who spread gossip
The only best way to avoid gossip about you is by keeping away from the types of people who spread false rumors! As popular or cool as they may seem, these people are sad and desperate. They can't have fun without spreading gossip about someone, although it can hurt. Don't waste time with them. Find friends who don't take pleasure in hurting others. Remember, a friend who stabs you in the back by spreading malicious gossip about you is not a friend at all.
Method 2 of 2: Addressing the Gossip About Other People
Step 1. Don't contribute to the spread of gossip
The most important thing you can do when you hear rumors about someone is to stop their reach. As juicy as they seem, someone's feelings aren't worth hurting. Put yourself in these people's shoes: Would you like to go to school someday to find out that everyone is talking about you? Wouldn't that make you feel lonely and betrayed? Don't get the gossip spread - if you do, you're helping to grow it.
- It is also not a bad idea to try to convince the person who revealed the gossip to stop spreading it. If he's a close friend or a nice person, you might be successful. However, if he's already the king or queen of gossip, he may not be listening to you.
- Let's take an example. Let's say a friend goes to you with a juicy secret about a boy you know named Gianni, who hasn't been to school for a week because he contracted mononucleosis kissing Chiara in the stands! In this case, calmly say something like “Oh, let's not gossip about him” to break the conversation in the bud.
Step 2. Don't take gossip for real
Don't let a baseless gossip you hear impact your behavior in one way or another. Don't start avoiding or antagonizing people just because you've heard something negative about them. One of the reasons gossip can hurt so much is that it can change the way the victim's friends or acquaintances behave around her. Imagine, for example, how a person walking through the school corridor might feel if their classmates, as soon as they see them, start whispering or giggling as they walk. Never change the way you think or act about someone until you have reason to believe the truth of the things you hear.
In our example, you wouldn't let the gossip about Gianni and Chiara change your behavior in any way. You will certainly not avoid Gianni during the snack or complain about having to share the locker with Chiara for example
Step 3. Make no exception for the gossip you know is not true
A lot of the gossip you hear is completely untrue, usually made up by someone to hurt another person. Sometimes, however, the rumors are true, or half-truths. While being sure that a rumor is real, don't spread it around. It is very embarrassing that your private information goes around the school. Would you like it if someone knew some real snippets of embarrassing information about you, like, for example, that you have a bad rash? You definitely don't want that, and no one would like it.
Let's pretend you know the gossip about Gianni is true because your mom is his doctor and she let the information slip last night at dinner. Keep this news to yourself. If you let it slip away, it could hurt Gianni more than a false rumor. Gossip is always gossip, even if it is true
Step 4. Keep the secrets
Sometimes, people will confide personal information to you that you shouldn't tell anyone else. It could be something they know about someone else or even information about themselves. In case someone tells you a secret, never tell it to another person without their permission. Not only is this a major breach of his trust, it's also a surefire way of spreading gossip that can easily get out of control. Maintain a reputation as a reliable friend by keeping the secrets told to you.
The best way to avoid telling a secret is to simply pretend ignorance, that is, pretend you don't know anything. It is smarter to do this than to acknowledge that you know a secret but deny yourself telling it: if people weren't interested in the information before, news of a juicy secret will likely prompt them to insist on getting this news from you. For example, if Chiara tells you that she was infected with mononucleosis by Stefano, Gianni's best friend, don't tell your friends “I have a secret, but you can't know it!”
Step 5. Don't spread gossip
It sounds silly, but it's surprisingly easy to accidentally get rumors! Whenever you say something malicious about someone else in the presence of people you can't trust to keep a secret, you are creating the possibility of someone wildly spreading your words. Watch out! Don't take the risk of hurting someone's feelings or opening yourself up to reprisals just because you haven't been careful with your words. Keep all the obnoxious words to yourself or, if you absolutely must share them, make sure they happen with people you trust, because you know they will keep their mouths shut.
Telling a secret to trusted friends can also bring risks. They might, in fact, tell other people they trust them. As this cycle repeats itself, more and more people will learn about your gossip and the chances of it becoming public will increase
Step 6. Know when to report gossip to teachers
The rules given so far have occasional exceptions. When you hear gossip that makes you think people are in danger, you should tell a parent, professor, or administration employee as soon as you can. All of this is even more urgent if you have any reason to believe the rumor may be true. For example, if there are rumors about someone carrying knives to school or if a friend tells you that they have thought about hurting themselves, you should immediately talk to a psychologist or professor.
Breaking someone's trust by warning a parent about a dangerous thing they are planning to do can cause you to feel guilty, as if you have betrayed that person. However, an individual's physical well-being is more important than the trust they have in you. In fact, in most cases, it is unfair not to prioritize a friend's safety
Advice
- If you know it's going to cause too much trouble, instead of spilling a luscious secret to the first person you see, hold your pulse and take a second to think.
- If you still can't stop gossiping, DON'T FEEL GUILTY! Don't blame yourself! After all, we are all human and we all have bad habits.
