Scientific research suggests that the old adage - "Don't dignify a gossip with an answer" - is bad advice. The way gossip was handled in the most recent US election seems to support this new perspective. So if you can't ignore the gossip, what should you do? Read Step 1 to find out.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: React Properly
Step 1. Don't ignore it
Don't act like you have no idea what people are saying about you. Pretending not to have a clue will only make people think the rumors are true. There is no point in acting like you haven't heard the chatter if everyone else in your school or at work has heard it. Recognizing that you know there are rumors about you is the first step in dealing with the situation.
- If someone reports the gossip, you can say "I've heard these rumors" or "I know what people are saying about me."
- Even better, beat the gossip over time. If you know that bad rumors are spreading about you (and fast!), Then you can also tell other people who haven't heard them yet. They are more likely to be on your side if they hear it from you.
Step 2. Don't let them see how much you care
Avoid being openly seen angry, upset, or hurt by the gossip. Even if it was really mean and painful, if you let yourself get upset in public, then you will let the other side win. If you're really upset, talking to a close friend will help you a lot more than letting the world see how it upsets you. So keep your head up and don't let yourself be touched.
The other thing is, if you seem very upset by the gossip, everyone will be convinced that it's true
Step 3. Don't fight fire with other fire
While you may be tempted to fight gossip with another gossip, you should take the hard road and not fall low, spreading rumors. Sure, you can spread a rumor about the person who started it, or spread a completely different rumor, just for people to stop talking about you, but if you do, there is a chance that you will only make the situation worse, that you will look desperate. and that you are no better than the person who first spread the gossip.
Remember that, in the end, you want to win. You want people to respect you and think you are a worthy person. If you want to maintain a level of respect even after the gossip has spread, then you need to keep holding your head up, instead of thinking, "If you can't beat them, join them", which will get you nowhere
Step 4. Talk to an adult or authority figure if you have to
Sure, talking to an adult or your boss about malicious gossip might not be fun, but it can screw up the person who spread it and make you feel better about the situation. If the rumors are spread at school, for example, and you know exactly who started them, then talking about it with an authority figure can scare the gossip for good and stop the rumors as soon as possible.
This is difficult. It is up to you to determine if you need to talk to an adult or if you can handle the situation yourself
Part 2 of 2: Take action
Step 1. Defend yourself
Don't confuse defending integrity with "being on the defensive". Since silence isn't quite always golden, it's best to have a few things to say: “I don't think that's true” or “This appears to be unfounded (or malicious) gossip. Things like that can do a lot of damage”. Look people in the eye when you say it.
If people ask you about gossip, you should defend yourself at all costs. If you step on it or act like you don't want to talk about it, then people will believe it's true
Step 2. Determine what makes the gossip credible, and stop it
People are much more inclined to tell plausible gossip and that depends on the existence of suggestive evidence. For example, a workplace affair rumor will take off if the two people involved flirt at the office, or sit together for lunch every day. Once you have determined what fuels the gossip, avoid continuing to do so if you can.
- Don't worry about thinking, “Well, they shouldn't imagine that” or “I should be able to do what I want without them thinking this and that.” The point is, they do, and as long as you keep doing that, the rumors will keep going.
- Obviously if you are doing absolutely nothing to foment the gossip, then there is nothing to change. And even if you're doing something that potentially causes chatter, don't be too hard on yourself if that's the case!
Step 3. If you can prove it is not true
If you have evidence that the gossip isn't true, then you should show it. For example, if people say your boyfriend isn't real, take him to the next party. If people are gossiping that you can't swim, have a pool party. If you can produce a document that can prove rumors to be false once and for all, don't think it's undignified to do so.
Of course, one of the problems with gossip is that it's so hard to refute. Don't struggle to prove otherwise if you simply can't
Step 4. Propagate the gossip
Yes just like this. Speak or publish the gossip prominently. By recognizing the gossip, you are holding back its momentum. Gossip spreads like wildfire because the people who spread it do it to gain social status and the scoop depends on them. If you tell everyone their confidential information then they will no longer have a reason to spread the gossip. Everyone will already know!
Of course, if it's deeply painful, then you may not want the world to know. But if you think that talking to everyone about it is the best way to show how ridiculous he is and to get him to stop, then go for it
Step 5. Face the source
If you know who is spreading the gossip, then you may want to talk to this person. Be civil and keep your head up and talk to the person honestly about why he or she spread that gossip and acknowledge the problem it caused without sounding too upset. Say something like, "I know we're not exactly best friends, but spreading fake gossip about me isn't the way to solve our problems."
If you don't want to tackle the source alone, bring a few friends. Obviously, don't put yourself in dangerous or uncomfortable situations if you know that talking to the person in question will harm you
Step 6. Take care of yourself
Gossip can upset people, make them angry or even depress them. No matter what people say about you, keep your head up and remember who you are. Don't let other people determine your worth in this life and stay strong no matter what people say. Make sure you spend time with good friends, get enough sleep, and maintain your self-esteem despite what people say about you.
You may be so busy worrying about how to convince people that gossip isn't true that you don't have time to take care of yourself. Well, you need to focus on yourself, instead of the senseless pain caused by others, if you want to get back to having a healthy and happy life
Advice
- First of all, keep calm. People love to see a reaction. Staying calm will help you kill the chatter.
- Try to act like you don't care and if you care don't show it. Keep your head up.
- Try to ignore the background noise of people's comments about you. Remember that sooner or later the chatter will end.
- Talk to a good friend and try to come up with a plan to convince people that the gossip isn't about you.
- If you started the gossip, don't deny it. Instead of reacting to what others think of you, admit you were wrong.
- Talk to people who have believed the rumor and tell them what's really going on.
Warnings
- Don't have fun spreading your gossip, it will backfire and start more gossip.
- Don't waste time trying to track down who started the gossip.
