Everyone likes to get some attention at times. However, you may be someone who feels the need for an inordinate amount of attention. Attention seekers often do so to compensate for a feeling of inadequacy or insecurity. If you feel uncomfortable about the ways you seek the attention of others, there are a few ways you can train yourself to avoid these behaviors.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Express Yourself Healthily
Step 1. Devote yourself to a creative art form
Attention seekers tend to behave in inauthentic ways. They do things to get attention, not to be themselves or simply express who they really are. Doing something creative is a great way to authentically express yourself and be in touch with who you are. You can choose any form of art, such as painting, writing, playing an instrument, singing or dedicating yourself to crafts.
- If you've never done something creative before, don't be afraid: try an activity that interests you, it doesn't matter to know in advance how capable you may be.
- Remember that you are doing it for yourself. Practice expressing yourself creatively without worrying about what others will think and without focusing on the idea of exhibiting what you do.
Step 2. Use social media constructively
Social media can be misused by people seeking attention. Using it to make plans with friends and stay up to date on the latest events is fine, however if you notice that you're only using them to get attention, you should reconsider what you post.
- Notice if most of what you post seems to be done to brag or show off.
- Notice if your posts often express dissatisfaction with you or appear to be craving compliments or support.
- A post that requires attention could be like this: "I always have a lot of fun with the most beautiful friends in the world !!". Instead you could post a picture of your friends and write, "I'm so thankful that I have such special friends in my life."
- If you need support, instead of writing something like "The worst day of my life. I want to hide in a hole and die right now", you could write: “I had a really terrible day today. Is there anyone available for a chat? I may need company”. There is no problem asking for help directly on social media. However, be clear that you are asking for support and keep the conversation private when someone steps forward.
Step 3. Focus on others
When you are always looking for attention, most of your focus is on yourself. To change this, try focusing on others. There are many ways to do this - you can spend more time with the people you love, volunteer, or even commit to getting to know others better.
- Are there people in need in your community? You could volunteer at a soup kitchen or retirement home. You could also help out at the local library, read to the children, or help students with their homework after school.
- Spend time with friends and family and learn about their life. Remember how much you care and commit to listening to what they have to say.
- You can come up with a way to focus on others that is fun for you. For example, you could organize an event to collect clothes for the homeless or a street cleaning in the neighborhood.
- In any case, do not compare yourself to others, as this often leads to a feeling of inadequacy. Usually, these comparisons put your daily experiences alongside other people's successes, which can make you feel dissatisfied with yourself, leading you to seek more attention.
Method 2 of 3: Making Positive Changes
Step 1. Forgive yourself for your mistakes
While it can be unpleasant to dwell on the mistakes we've made, many people do it over and over in their heads. Allow yourself to forgive yourself and try to understand what you can learn from your mistakes.
- You can't change the past, but you can learn valuable lessons from it. Tell yourself how great it is to have learned something new and that you can change the way you do things in the future.
- If you remember certain moments in the past when you acted in search of attention, forgive yourself for those things too. The fact that you can recognize these behaviors means that you are able to work to prevent them in the future.
- Talk to yourself kindly, as you would a friend who is having a hard time. Say to yourself: "I know I was wrong that time, but I was doing my best. Nobody is perfect. That's okay: next time I'll try to act differently."
Step 2. Create a daily authenticity routine
Choose the ways you want to practice being authentic every day. This can mean dedicating yourself to an activity you like or repeating to yourself a statement that you think is important.
- Practice being yourself and acting genuinely, without worrying about what other people will think. You can practice dedicating yourself to one thing every day when you feel you are in line with the way you are feeling at that moment. This could mean saying something sincere that you've never said before, like, "Actually, I don't really like going to that bar." It can also mean doing something different, like wearing a comfortable dress even if it's not the latest fashion.
- You can develop personal affirmations to help you accept yourself. For example, you can say something like, "I am an important and lovely person as I am" or "I accept and love all sides of myself even as I strive to grow and change."
Step 3. Exercise awareness
Mindfulness is the attempt to remain present to yourself wherever you are, without getting lost in thoughts or feelings that mentally take you away from the present moment. Mindfulness is usually practiced through meditation techniques, however there are many other ways to do this.
- You can find books or websites that offer meditation techniques, or you can visit a center for guidance on how to start meditating. You can also use an app, such as Headspace, Serenity, and Insight Timer.
- If meditation isn't right for you, practice mindfulness by noting the physical sensations you are experiencing. If you start to get distracted by guilt, shame, or unpleasant memories, simply focus on the feeling of your clothes on your skin or feet on the ground.
Step 4. Commit to change
It is nearly impossible to make a change in ourselves if we don't consciously commit to it. If you really want to change or eliminate your attention-seeking behavior, commit to doing so and taking specific steps to achieve this.
- Make a note of your commitment. You can mark it on a calendar, noting the day you decided to start working on it.
- Write daily or weekly goals, such as "I will meditate for 5 minutes every day" or "Every week I will dedicate 5 hours of my time to volunteer".
- Talk to someone about your intentions. It can be a trusted friend or family member; this person can also check you to see if you have met your commitments.
Step 5. Spend some quality time alone
If you're always on the lookout for attention, you probably go out of your way to spend a lot of time with other people. Then practice spending time alone. Set a goal: how much time you will spend alone each day or week.
- When you are alone, dedicate yourself to doing things you enjoy. This will help make this time more fun and enticing. You can read books by writers you love, your favorite magazines, walk in the park, visit a part of the city you love or engage in a hobby that you are passionate about.
- At first it may be difficult to spend time alone. However, once that phase of discomfort is over, you will begin to appreciate the time you spend with yourself.
Step 6. Monitor your progress
Once you have established a routine for making positive changes, take some time to reflect and observe how you are progressing. You can do this by writing in a journal, asking for feedback from someone you trust, or simply taking some time to think back over the past day or week.
- Be kind to yourself as you go along. Big changes don't happen overnight.
- Compliment yourself for any positive changes. Give yourself credit for the work you've done. Say to yourself: "Great job. You really did your best and it's working."
Step 7. Look for what is the basis of your search for attention
Identifying why you are doing this can help you address the root cause. For example, you may experience a feeling of inadequacy, have trouble being alone, or feel like you are wasting your time. Addressing these issues will help you overcome your tendency to seek the attention of others.
- Keeping a journal can help you explore your feelings.
- You can also speak to a therapist, who can help you identify your underlying problems.
Method 3 of 3: Find a Support System
Step 1. Trust your friends and family
These should be people you know will be honest with you and have your best interests at heart. You will have to trust their opinion and be willing to listen to them, however difficult it is. It could be a brother, aunt, close friend or co-worker.
- Choose someone you see or interact with on a regular basis. This way he will be able to notice your behaviors more regularly.
- Make sure this person is willing to tell you things you may not want to hear.
- Make sure they are someone who can be kind and compassionate even when they say something that may seem like criticism.
Step 2. Ask for an honest assessment
Tell this person about the behaviors you are most concerned about and ask them to keep an eye on them. He may also tell you if he thinks your emotional reactions to situations are too drastic or exaggerated.
- If you don't know what behaviors to focus on, you can simply tell this person that you are worried that you are always on the lookout for attention. Ask her to point out any behaviors that reflect this need.
- You can also ask her if she has already noticed something in you that makes you seem attention-seeking.
- Say something like, "I'm trying to work on my attention-seeking behaviors. Have you noticed any? Would you be willing to keep your eyes open and let me know if you notice that I am behaving in an attention-seeking manner?".
Step 3. Join a support group
Attention seeking is often associated with addiction-related behaviors and personalities. If you don't feel that you have any kind of addiction, it may not make sense for you to join a group. However, if you are aware that you have other addictions or compulsive behaviors, consider joining a support group.
- The most common addictions often associated with attention seeking are alcoholism, drug abuse, and compulsive eating.
- Being attention-seeking doesn't necessarily mean you're at an increased risk of addiction.
- Seeking support from a group can be helpful regardless of whether you have asked another person for help or not.
- You can search the internet for lists of support groups. If there is no one in your area, there may be online groups that can give you the help you are looking for.
Step 4. Go to therapy
If you don't have a person or group who can help you, you might want to try a therapist. Therapists can help you work on your attention-seeking behaviors and the underlying problems that are causing them.
- You can look for a therapist for one-on-one sessions or ask him if he organizes a support group that would be helpful in your case.
- You can do an online search to find a therapist; now almost all professionals have their own web page. You can check their specialization and see if they have experience dealing with your particular problems.
- In some cases, health insurance policies can cover (in whole or in part) the costs of therapy sessions; Additionally, some therapists may offer you installment plans.
Advice
- If you find yourself falling back into your old attention-seeking behaviors, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that change takes time and don't give up.
- If you are having a hard time keeping your commitment, seek support from a friend, family member, or therapist.
