Nobody likes to be told he's self-centered. Self-centered people are primarily interested in themselves and care little for others. Everyone likes to think that they are empathic and compassionate people who consider the feelings of others as well as their own. It is easy, however, to fall into the habit of focusing on yourself and not on others. Understanding if you have the attitudes of those who are self-centered can allow you to change your habits or your mentality, to consider more the needs and feelings of others.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Finding out if you are self-centered
Step 1. Evaluate your conversations
Self-centered behaviors are more evident as a result of relationships with others. If you can be more aware of the nature and development of conversations you have with other people, you will be able to understand if you are self-centered. After talking to someone, ask yourself the following questions:
- Who spoke the most?
- Who led or dominated the discussion?
- Did you learn anything new from the person you were talking to?
- Did you ask the other person questions that had nothing to do with your life or experiences?
Step 2. Rate your listening skills
Self-centered people have a tendency to bring the conversation back to them, instead of listening to and appreciating what others have to say. If, in fact, you are self-centered, you may not even listen to what others are saying. Consider whether you are a good listener who is really engaged with the other person and don't just have a tendency to wait for a pause in the conversation to bring the discussion back to you.
Ask yourself if you have listened to what the other person said and how they said it. Did she tell you something you didn't know about her? Did you ask questions, nodded or recognized parts of what he said to keep the conversation going? If she was upset, did you notice? If so, how long did it take you to do this?
Step 3. Consider your feelings after interactions with other people
Do conversations seem like competitions to you? Did you feel like you have to do a tug-of-war over whoever talked the most or have to interrupt or talk over the other person to express your ideas? Do you feel the need for your stories to be more dramatic or impactful than those of others? These could be signs of self-centeredness.
- Another sign of self-centeredness is being more focused on being right or winning an argument, rather than trying to understand the other person's ideas and positions.
- If you feel drained or exhausted after a conversation, this trait could be part of your character, especially if you get in a bad mood or sad if you feel like you haven't "won" a conversation.
Step 4. Think about how much time you spend considering the feelings of others
A classic sign of self-centeredness is the inability to put oneself in the shoes of others. If you rarely think about how friends or family feel, you may be self-centered. It's not strange to think about your own happiness, but other people (especially those closest to you) should never feel invisible or ignored by you.
If you often irritate people with your attitude and don't notice how you make others feel, you should work to improve your empathy and worry less about yourself
Step 5. Consider whether you spend most of your social interactions wondering what impression you made
Self-centered people have a tendency to want to appear interesting, charming, cute and exceptional. If, after a social interaction, you often think you've done a great job and been smart, charming, or interesting, without thinking for a moment about the person you spoke to, you may be self-centered.
Do you spend a lot of time thinking about what you said, how many times did you make a person laugh, or which people were clearly attracted to you after finishing a conversation? These are characteristics of a self-centered person
Step 6. Evaluate how you react to criticism and constructive comments
Self-centered people have a tendency to think that they are always right and that other people's opinions are completely irrelevant and useless. While it's a good idea not to let negative comments put you off, you can damage your work and personal relationships if you never listen to others or respect their opinion. Notice if one of your first reactions to comments is to get defensive or angry, instead of trying to understand the other person's perspective.
Step 7. Do you often blame others when something goes wrong?
If you forgot to pay your bills or if you didn't finish a work project on time, do you automatically blame everyone else? If this is your natural reaction, you may be self-centered and truly believe that you cannot go wrong or make mistakes.
Step 8. Consider the generational differences
Research suggests that today's youth are more self-centered than previous generations. Those born between 1980 and 2000 were profoundly influenced by world events. What may appear to be self-centered may, in fact, be their way of coping with difficulties.
Despite generational differences, no one wants to spend time with self-centered people who only care about themselves. Thinking about and caring for others are learned skills and it is never too late to learn them
Part 2 of 3: Abandoning Self-centered Behaviors
Step 1. Stop craving or expecting praise
Self-centered people always expect compliments. If you not only like compliments, but live to receive them, you may be self-centered. If you take a compliment as a joy or a surprise, that's normal, but feeling so great that you deserve compliments just because you breathe is a hallmark of self-centeredness.
Compliments should be nice "extras" that give you a boost, not things you expect
Step 2. Be flexible about the different methods of doing things
If you have trouble accepting the way others do things, you may feel that you are the only one who knows the right way to act. Whether it's a business project or organizing a school event, if you think you know exactly how to do it and can't stand it when other people take over for you, you need to work to become more flexible. You may hate not getting credit for something or having to admit that another person is right, but if you can, you will become more open.
If you find yourself feeling angry, annoyed or infuriated because someone is trying to do things differently, even if it's your colleague who has a new idea on how to conduct a simple experiment, you may be too self-centered to consider other options
Step 3. Don't be jealous of other people's successes
Self-centered people often fail to feel happy for those who receive praise or recognition. If someone in your circle receives praise, whether it's your sibling who got a good grade in school, or a colleague who completed a project successfully, your natural reaction should be one of happiness for that person. If, on the other hand, you feel jealous, angry, or confused because you didn't get the credit, you should work on your self-centeredness.
Step 4. Do you remember birthdays, anniversaries or other important events in people's lives?
If you always forget birthdays, graduations, promotions, or other important events in your friends' life, you may be too focused on yourself. Even if we all forget some anniversary due to our busy schedules, never remembering friends' important events is a sign of self-centeredness.
Evaluate organizational habits. If you often forget anniversaries and have trouble remembering today's appointments or meetings, you may be simply disorganized. Likewise, if you suffer from attention deficit disorder, your forgetfulness is likely to be attributed to the disorder and not to self-centeredness
Step 5. Develop friendships with many different personalities
Self-centered people don't like hanging out with people who are outgoing, loud, or have a lot of friends. They prefer not to have to compete for attention and be the only ones taking center stage. Self-centered people hate being in the presence of someone who is more beautiful or more interesting than them. They look for people with calm ways or the shy ones, to have as a shoulder, so that they can always have all the attention. If you think you have this tendency, you should try to nurture relationships with people with different personalities. It will be helpful to spend time with extroverted and other introverted people, and you should learn to interact with many different people.
This advice also applies to your relationships. If you hate hanging out with people who steal your show, you may be self-centered
Step 6. Be kinder to everyone
Self-centered people have a tendency to be rude to other people, who don't think they are good enough. If you are rude to waiters, disrespectful to co-workers at work, or show up half an hour late to all dinners with your best friend, let these people know they don't deserve your time or attention. Even if it's not about your intent, you will give the impression that you are selfish and that you think more about yourself than about others.
Self-centered people are horrified when they are treated badly, but they are the first to not be kind to others, regardless of the hypocrisy of their actions. Always consider how you would like to be treated - and how you should treat others - to improve your social relationships and people's perception of you
Part 3 of 3: Becoming More Thoughtful
Step 1. Be more aware
Many of us do not realize that we are not aware of the feelings of others. You can improve your awareness by taking a step back and observing your own behavior. By recognizing your behavior, you can start making changes. To become more aware, ask yourself the following questions after spending time with a friend:
- What did I do to make sure the conversation wasn't centered around me and my interests?
- What did I learn today about my friend, his feelings or his situation?
Step 2. Start by asking questions when you spend time with others
Asking others questions shows that you really care about their point of view. If you are talking to a friend or acquaintance, ask what they think about the situation you are discussing. Ask how he achieved a goal or how he completed a difficult task. People like to know that you care enough for them to want to know how they manage their lives. You may be surprised at how open people will be with you if you ask the right questions.
In the workplace, you might try asking another person directly what they would do to complete a project. In this case, you should listen and value her suggestion and not push her to accept your ideas
Step 3. Apologize when you hurt someone
People who are self-centered usually don't care about hurting others' feelings - partly because they aren't aware of what other people are feeling. If you're working to overcome self-centeredness, try putting yourself in your neighbor's shoes and apologizing if you've done something to hurt him.
Apologize sincerely. What you say doesn't matter as much as your true repentance and empathy for the other person's feelings. If you're not used to apologizing or being empathetic, your apology will be clumsy; It's not a problem. With experience it will get easier and opportunities to apologize should lessen over time
Step 4. When talking to a person, be careful
Don't get in the way before the other person has finished talking about their experiences. Hear what he has to say and try to have fun and grow from the conversation, even if you don't have the opportunity to contribute. You should be careful to the point that you can repeat what was said and remember the most important phrases.
This attitude will make people understand that you understand and respect them. Remember to keep an open mind when you listen. Don't start a conversation with a firm stance; instead, give the other person a chance to convince you with their ideas and opinions. At the end of the conversation, you should be able to summarize your interlocutor's story and explain what they think about the topic
Step 5. Be genuinely interested in your neighbor
Start thinking and worrying about your friends even when you are not with them. If someone you know is having a hard time, text them or do something nice for them to show them you think. Try to remember what a friend said the last time you spoke. Pick up there with questions or comments on the subject matter. Try doing little things that show your attention. You could, for example, call the person on the phone to find out how they are, so you can let them know that you care about their interests or what is troubling them.
Don't just tell someone that you support them or that you care about them. Prove it with actions. To do this you will have to listen to her, but also do what you can to value her opinions. You could, for example, ask her opinion on an important purchase you need to make - asking her advice will make her feel appreciated
Step 6. Do something for others
Stop thinking about yourself and do something for those who need your help. Consider volunteering at a local charity or soup kitchen. Learn to do things without expecting anything in return. This will allow you to develop your sense of empathy and interest in others.
Make sure you value friendships for who they are and not what they can give you. You need to stop using people or businesses for your pure personal gain
Step 7. Practice positive self-esteem, or self-love
It is not easy to determine the boundary between self-love and self-centeredness. It's important to love and recognize yourself and make sure others do the same. Having self-esteem prevents others from disrespecting you or hurting your feelings, but it doesn't mean you can hurt other people for your own benefit.
Self-love requires balance. If you have compassion for yourself and others, you are not self-centered
Advice
- Read books on self-esteem building, anger management, patience, and the like. Remember that you can find a lot of sources.
- If people try to tell you you're self-centered, don't think they're rude and don't ignore their comments. It could hurt their feelings, so consider that they are probably just asking you to stop and not insulting you.
- When you listen to another person's opinions or ideas, try to respect them and pay attention. If what he says is incorrect from your point of view, try to gently make him understand what your thinking is.
