Everyone gets angry. However, if you let yourself be dominated by anger, you could put your physical and mental health and relationships with other people at risk. Uncontrolled anger can indicate underlying problems, such as difficulties in managing anger or mental disorders. It is important to control your emotions and calm down, for your own good and that of those around you.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding your Anger
Step 1. Look for physiological signs of anger
Anger is undoubtedly a psychological emotion, but it also has a physiological impact that causes chemical reactions in the brain. When you get angry your amygdala, the emotion processing center, sends a help signal to the hypothalamus, which sends epinephrine into the autonomic nervous system via the sympathetic nervous system to the adrenal glands, which begin pumping epinephrine (adrenaline) into the blood. Adrenaline prepares the body for threats by accelerating your heart rate and enhancing your senses.
This process has a biological function (preparing for a fight or flight), but if you have an anger problem, the threshold that causes this physiological response may be too low (for example, if you get angry with a colleague who listens to too loud music)
Step 2. Analyze your emotions
Anger often masks another emotion; in many cases, anger is an emotion secondary to suffering, sadness, grief, depression or fear. Anger emerges almost as a defense mechanism because it is often an emotion that is easy to manage. Try to understand if there is a possibility that you are repressing emotions that you think you shouldn't feel.
If you often substitute anger for other emotions that you can't manage, consider consulting a psychologist to learn how to manage and accept those emotions
Step 3. Accept that anger can be a normal and healthy emotion
Anger isn't always bad; it can serve a healthy purpose by protecting you from constant abuse or harassment. If you have the impression that someone is harming you, you will likely feel anger and anger will push you to face the person or situation.
Some people (often women) are taught that it is not polite to feel or express anger. However, suppressing natural feelings of anger can have a negative effect on your emotions and relationships with others
Step 4. Look for symptoms that indicate your anger is out of control
While anger can be healthy, it can also be harmful. You may need professional help to resolve an anger management problem if the following statements are true for you:
- Insignificant things make you very angry.
- When you feel anger, you exhibit aggressive behaviors, such as yelling, screaming, or engaging in violence.
- The problem is chronic; happens all the time.
- You are addicted, and when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol your mood gets worse and you behave more violently.
Part 2 of 3: Controlling Chronic Anger
Step 1. Exercise
The endorphins generated through exercise will help you calm down, and moving will allow you to let off steam through physical exertion: therefore physical activity can help manage anger in the heat. Also, following a regular exercise schedule can help you better control emotions in general. Some forms of physical activity you may enjoy that help control anger include:
- Race
- Weightlifting
- Cycling
- Yoga
- basketball
- Martial arts
- I swim
- Dance
- Boxing
- Meditation
Step 2. Get enough sleep
Most adults need 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Deprivation of sleep can contribute to many health problems, including the inability to manage emotions properly. Getting enough sleep can improve your mood and reduce anger.
If you have chronic sleep problems, consult your doctor. You may be able to make changes to your lifestyle or diet to help you sleep better. You could also try using herbal remedies or medications
Step 3. Write an anger diary
Start writing the details of your anger. Whenever you happen to lose control of your emotions, write down what happened. Make sure you write down exactly how you felt, what triggered your anger, where you were, who you were with, how you reacted and how you felt afterwards. After you have been journaling for some time, you should start looking for commonalities between episodes to identify people, places, or things that trigger your anger.
- An example of an entry in your diary might be as follows: "I got very angry with a colleague today. He told me I was selfish for not offering to fetch lunch for everyone. We were in the cafeteria, and I was doing a break after a stressful day eating a sandwich from the grocery store near work. I got very angry and screamed, walking away after insulting him. I punched my desk when I got back to the office. Then I felt guilty and embarrassed and hid in my office for the rest of the day."
- Over time, you may re-read your journal and find that being insulted (eg called "selfish") causes your anger.
Step 4. Develop an anger management plan
As you begin to identify the triggers of your anger you can develop a plan to manage them. Using the anger control strategies outlined in Part 1 can help you, as well as studying a reaction to situations that cause you anger in advance.
For example, if you know that you will have to visit your mother-in-law, who makes disparaging comments about your parenting skills, you could decide in advance "if she will make a comment about how I educate my children, I will calmly tell her that I appreciate her advice, but that I will make decisions on how to educate my children regardless of your opinion on my opinions. " You may also decide to leave the room or pack and go home if you risk not controlling your anger
Step 5. Practice assertive expression of your anger
People who use assertive expressions of anger recognize the needs of both people involved in a disagreement. To practice assertive expression, you should limit yourself to the facts (without letting the emotions speak), communicate your requests (and not your demands) in a respectful way, communicate clearly, and express your feelings effectively.
- This approach is different from passive expression, which involves stifling anger without saying anything, and aggressive expression, which generally manifests itself as an explosion or outburst that seems disproportionate to the problem.
- For example, if you are angry at a colleague who listens to loud music every day when you work, you might say, "I understand that you like to listen to music when you work, but it prevents me from concentrating on my work. I would like you to use headphones instead of listening to loud music, so that the work environment is pleasant for everyone ".
Step 6. Find a local anger management program
Anger management programs can help you control anger and emotions in a healthy way. Attending a group class can help you understand that you are not alone in having this problem, and many people find important help in those who attend the course with them.
- To find an anger management group, do an internet search, or ask your local ASL.
- You can also ask your psychologist or doctor for information.
Step 7. See a doctor
If your anger has taken over to the point of interfering with your daily life or your ability to have healthy relationships, seek help from a doctor. It can help you find the root of the problem and determine if you need therapy, medication, or a combination of the two. A psychologist can teach you relaxation techniques to use in situations where you feel angry. It can also help you develop emotional skills to cope with anger and train you to communicate better.
Ask your doctor to tell you the nearest facility or specialist to go to
Part 3 of 3: Controlling Anger in the Moment
Step 1. Take a break as soon as you realize you are angry
You can take a break by stopping what you are doing, moving away from what is bothering you, or just taking a breath of fresh air. Getting away from what's troubling you will make it much easier for you to calm down.
- Remember that you won't have to respond to a situation immediately. You can count to 10 or even say "I'll think about it and let you know" to give yourself time to calm down if necessary.
- If you get angry at work, go to the bathroom or go out for a moment. If you drive to work, you can take refuge in your car.
- If you get angry at home, go to a room where you can be alone, such as the bathroom, or go out for a walk, perhaps with someone you trust or who can help you.
Step 2. Allow yourself to get angry
It is perfectly normal to feel emotions such as anger. Allowing yourself some time and space to get angry could help you accept it and move on. Once you get away from it, you will be able to stop getting angry for the same reason again and again.
To allow yourself to feel anger, try to locate it somewhere on your body. Do you feel it in the stomach? In the fists? Find your anger, experience it, and then let it out
Step 3. Breathe deeply
If you feel your heart pounding in anger, slow it down by checking your breathing. Deep breathing is one of the most important steps in meditation, and it can help control emotions. While this is not a true "meditation", using deep breathing techniques can offer similar benefits.
- Count to three as you inhale, hold the air in your lungs for three seconds, and count to three again as you exhale. Just focus on the numbers at this stage.
- Make sure each breath fills your lungs completely, causing your chest and belly to expand. Exhale fully each time, and pause between the exhalation and the next inhalation.
- Keep breathing until you feel like you have regained control.
Step 4. Visualize a "happy place"
If you're still having a hard time calming down, imagine a scene that you find very relaxing. It could be the backyard where you spent your childhood, a silent forest, a lonely island - any place that makes you feel at home and at peace. Focus on the details: the light, the sounds, the temperature, the climate, the smells. Stay in your happy place until you are completely immersed, and linger there for a few minutes or until you have calmed down.
Step 5. Practice positive inner dialogue
Changing the way you think about something from negative to positive (a technique known as "cognitive restructuring") can help you deal with anger in a healthy way. When you have calmed down a little, "discuss" the situation with yourself in positive and reassuring terms.
For example, if you felt angry while driving, you might think, "That guy almost hit me in the side, but it was probably an emergency and I'll never meet him again. I'm lucky to be alive and my car is intact. I can start driving again and I'll be calm and focused when I get back on the road "instead of" That idiot almost killed me! I'll kill him!"
Step 6. Get help from someone you trust
In some cases, sharing your concerns with a close friend or confidant could help you vent your anger. Make it clear what you want from the other person. If you just want me to listen, say from the start that you don't want help or advice, just understanding. If you are looking for a solution, let your interlocutor know.
Set time limits. Give yourself limited time to complain about what makes you angry, and don't get over it - when the time is up, your rant must end. This will help you move further, rather than endlessly ruminating on the situation
Step 7. Try to laugh at the situation that makes you angry
After you've calmed down and are ready to get over the incident, try to see the bright side. Viewing the incident from a comic point of view can transform the body's chemical reaction from anger to hilarity.
For example, if a person overtakes you when you are driving, you might think how silly that risky overtaking is to save 15 seconds of time. You can laugh at the person's mistake and move on with your life
Advice
- Be careful what you say when you are angry. You will not always think the same things as when you have calmed down.
- Try listening to soothing music that calms your mind.
- If you get angry easily and can't control yourself, find a quiet place away from everyone. Scream into a pillow, or find another way to muffle the sound. If no one is present, you might as well scream without worrying - it will help you let off steam.
- In some cases, anger is justified, and it is right to vent it. But understand that there are more productive ways of doing this than blaming others.
- Ask yourself if whoever is going to suffer your tantrums is the right target, or if you are using them as a punching bag to vent your feelings about another person or matter.
- Find a creative medium to express your feelings, such as writing, drawing, etc. Hobbies will improve your mood and allow you to channel the energy you would have wasted in uncontrolled anger. Imagine what you could do if you used that energy productively!
- Think about the stress you are under. Do you like that feeling? Try to change it.
- Meditation is a good way to reduce stress and anxiety, which are anger triggers.
- Avoid all things that can trigger your anger until you have calmed down. Get away from everything and everyone and find a quiet place to breathe deeply in search of inner peace.
Warnings
- Walk away immediately when you realize that you are about to take out your anger in a violent way.
- If you find yourself thinking that you are hurting yourself or someone, get help.
- Anger should never be an excuse to physically or verbally abuse those around you.
