Anger can consume you and slowly destroy your life. Sure it's a natural emotion and sometimes it's a healthy response, but being constantly angry can be dangerous. You have to learn to let it go for your own good. Here are some tips on how to do it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Anger
Step 1. Understand anger
When held back for a long time, it is an emotion that hurts the person who feels it more than the one it is directed towards. Anger is often generated when you want to avoid feeling hurt because of a situation, but it could only end up hurting even more.
Anger can have a major impact on your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health when held back for a long time. When you have this feeling towards someone, it can become more difficult to accept other people in your life, especially if that person once meant a lot to you
Step 2. Identify the root of your anger
Try to understand what specifically hurt you. Only by understanding the loss or the underlying problem can you begin to confront the issue and feel better.
- For example, if your wife cheated on you or left you, you are understandably angry. The sense of loss probably originates in this person's deprivation of love, appreciation, or respect.
- Another example: if you feel angry after being betrayed by a friend, the loss that leads you to feel anger and pain is precisely the deprivation of a friendship and your complicity. The more important this relationship was to you, the greater the sense of loss and anger you will feel.
Step 3. Give yourself the chance to suffer
Since anger is often a mask for hiding pain, remove it when you are alone and suffer deeply from that pain or loss without feeling guilty or weak.
Denying your pain does not mean that you are strong, although many people mistakenly mistake it for a sign of weakness. When something shocking happens, it makes no sense at all to deny the pain it caused. It won't fade away just because you refuse to recognize it. In fact, it will stay longer if you hide it under the rug
Step 4. Temporarily avoid the person who hurts you
Anger can cause you to lose control when tension builds between you and the person who is hurting you. Avoid interactions with her until you have processed your suffering to a more acceptable level.
It is important that the other person also take the same path, so that the anger is not directed only towards you when you start interacting again. Even if the other person is the one who started it all, they can still feel a sense of loss and regret
Part 2 of 3: Coping with Anger
Step 1. Shout
There are times when a person feels so angry that they feel the urge to scream. If you are experiencing that kind of anger right now, stop reading and scream by placing a pillow to your mouth. Screaming allows you to physically let off steam. The mind and body are connected, so if you physically release anger, this can help you partially relieve mental emotion as well.
In order not to frighten or worry the neighbors, you should make sure to disguise the scream by leaning your mouth against a pillow
Step 2. Throw it all away metaphorically
If this situation has so many details that make you suffer, you can find symbols to represent those components of the anger you feel, before throwing them away.
You can collect stones along the river and throw them into the water after assigning a component of your anger to each of them
Step 3. Replace resentment with compassion
In other words, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Consider the reasons why he acted this way and hurt you. You may never fully understand her motives or you may disagree after understanding them, but it's easier to let your anger towards someone flow after trying to figure out what's on her mind.
People rarely hurt others unless they themselves suffer for some reason. Negativity spreads like a disease. If you are touched by that of another person, she has probably absorbed someone else's negativity herself
Step 4. Determine if a reconciliation is possible
Forgiveness does not automatically lead to peace. If you suspect that the person who sparked your anger feels remorse and wants to be forgiven by you, consider reconciliation.
On the other hand, if this person is unwilling to make peace or the nature of the pain is so harsh that you can never trust them again, it may not work
Step 5. Forgive
This doesn't mean that you should justify, respect, or excuse the mistakes that sparked your anger. In this case, forgiveness is needed to make the conscious decision to let your resentment and your desire for revenge towards those who hurt you flow away.
Understand that forgiving someone will not necessarily get the other person to change their behavior. The purpose of forgiveness, in this case, is to get rid of the anger and resentment that grow within you. Forgiveness will benefit you and is an internal need, not an external one
Step 6. Take responsibility for your actions
When faced with a person who has triggered your anger, think back to the situation and honestly assess whether you did something wrong or should have acted differently. Accept responsibility for your actions instead of blaming just the other person.
This does not mean that you cannot acknowledge that you have been treated badly. It simply means that if you were wrong, you should admit it, especially if you have never thought about reconciliation
Part 3 of 3: Processing the Emotions
Step 1. Look on the bright side
Not all evil comes to harm. As much as the situation that triggered your anger overwhelmed you negatively, perhaps you can derive some benefit or favorable effect. Individual and cling to to be able to better manage the problem.
Specifically, look at the ways pain has helped you grow as a person. If it doesn't work, try to figure out if the suffering has directed you to a new path, which has brought you advantages that you would have missed if you had not been disappointed by someone or something
Step 2. Bring your positive influence into the world
You can let your anger emerge and negatively affect those around you, but you will only spread it and make that feeling worse. But if you make a conscious decision to have a positive influence on others, you can transform the way you entertain your social interactions by causing less anger.
Surround yourself with positive people. Put simply, by exposing yourself to optimism and positive thoughts expressed by others, you introduce all of this into your own life. Over time, you may also start developing positive thoughts on your own to replace anger
Step 3. Write a letter or journal
If you decide to do this, write about your anger whenever you can, so you can melt it. Don't feel like updating your diary? You can write an angry letter to the person who triggered the anger in you, and take a weight off your chest. Don't send it though.
Sending such a letter is almost always a bad idea. Even if you write it as polite as possible, the other person will not take it well, especially if they have particularly low self-esteem or another personal problem
Step 4. Exercise or find a hobby
As with screaming, exercise allows you to physically relieve anger. This works best when you can choose a form of exercise that you enjoy. Take a walk in a nice park, go for a refreshing swim or do some hoops. The key is to immerse yourself in an activity that you enjoy, forgetting everything else.
Aren't you a sportsman? You can start small by walking more often, or channeling your energy into a new hobby, or doing something fun with friends or family
Step 5. Pray or meditate
If you believe in God, pray that your strength and willpower will help you get rid of anger. When you can't get rid of anger on your own, asking for divine help can help soften you enough to stop feeling this way forever. Whether you are religious or not, meditation is a good way to stabilize your body, mind and soul. There are many types of meditation you can try, so choose the one that suits you and your needs.
Consult with your community's spiritual leader or someone who shares your faith for support and guidance. Read religious texts or spiritual books that deal with topics such as anger and forgiveness
Step 6. Avoid social gatherings if necessary
If a person who upset you has received the same invitation as you to go to a party and you want to avoid falling into the temptation to argue with them or raise old grievances, there is nothing wrong with skipping this event, as much as others. do not fully understand why.
