Resilience and emotional independence are integral to personal happiness. When the perception we have of ourselves depends on others, it means that we don't really know who we are. Fortunately, by accepting ourselves, changing the way we think and learning to be honest with ourselves and what we think, we can discover that sense of inner peace and independence we are looking for. Keep reading the article.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Accept yourself
Step 1. Identify the benefits of self-acceptance
To accept yourself, you must learn techniques that help you heal and put unpleasant memories and traumas behind you. The ideal would be to set yourself the goal of building healthier relationships in your current life. Here are other benefits you could get from practicing self-acceptance:
- Greater self-confidence;
- Reduction of anxiety and depression;
- Less self-criticism and guilt;
- Greater awareness of yourself;
- Increased self-esteem;
- Stronger sense of inner peace.
Step 2. Reflect on why you tend to judge yourself
Take some time to understand why you can't accept yourself. Try meditating, journaling, or just sitting in a quiet place for a moment and thinking about the reasons why you have a tendency to accuse yourself. Try to identify what voice you hear when you judge yourself. Is it that of your parents, your partner, your friends or someone else?
Step 3. Reformulate the past
Let's take parents as an example: most of them don't look that great. Aren't they exceptional because they don't love us or because we don't deserve their affection? No. It is difficult to understand when you are a child. They don't look great because they have no idea how to parent - sure, they try, but they're human. Instead of blaming them (or blaming an ex, for example) for being in pain, try to change your perspective. Realize that they don't deserve anger, hatred, or resentment. At worst they deserve pity, at best understanding.
- Whether you're in your 20s or 70s, you've probably had some relationship that you came out of with broken bones. You may have a tendency to take every failure / argument / disappointment / rejection personally, take stock, and ultimately assign yourself a number that indicates your worth. Stop immediately. The past is past and must remain so. It doesn't matter.
- Learn to carve out time in a relationship, cultivate hobbies and personal interests, and seek out the company of friends and family on a regular basis. As a result, you will nurture your independence in a healthy way, both for you and your partner.
Step 4. Forgive and forget
It is a fundamental step along the path of self-acceptance and reworking of the past. When you don't hold a grudge and stop taking everything personally, you rediscover a part of yourself that is more candid and new, but also strong and independent from an emotional point of view. You'll be happier too!
- The next time you pick on someone, think that the whole situation has nothing to do with you. Everyone makes their own decisions and you have no control over them. Don't worry about it. This is a moment that has no value in your life and that you will soon forget completely.
- However, that's not to say that some people have to get away with it. Forgive them, forget their behavior, but change your expectations. Did a friend arrive an hour late for their lunch appointment? Marked. Next time (if there is one) you will know how to handle the situation.
Step 5. Spend time with yourself
When was the last time you managed to be on your own without taking out your phone or getting distracted? Today we are continually bombarded with stimuli that ultimately take us away from reflection and knowledge of ourselves. Start now by dedicating yourself about 20 minutes a day. Besides, what other company is better than yours?
In those moments, pay attention to the way your mind wanders. What direction does it take? What do you think? Try to understand how fascinating everything that runs through it is. What sides of yourself does it help you see?
Step 6. Know who you are
It's like asking an ant to look in the mirror and say, "I'm an ant, isn't it?" Well, in addition to the steps outlined so far, there are some key points that apply to everyone:
- You are as worthy of respect as anyone else. There are no "better" human beings; we all have strengths and weaknesses.
- You have skills and interests. Which ones are they?
- You have thoughts and opinions. There are things you appreciate and things you hate. Which ones are they?
- You have values and beliefs. What points of view / concepts / ideas do you consider to be true?
Part 2 of 3: Change your way of thinking
Step 1. Questioned
There are various ways that a person can manifest emotional dependence. The most common is in the love affair. We learn to depend on a partner for affection, sex, approval, and so much more. When we don't get what we want, we feel like we've made some mistake or are worth less for some reason. To what extent are you emotionally dependent on someone? Are you dependent on your partner? To friends? From colleagues or from your boss? From any person you meet? Ask yourself the following questions to identify the aspects to work on:
- Do you get jealous easily? Are comparisons with others so obsessive that they ruin your days?
- Do others fall short of your expectations? Who does it most often?
- When you are alone, do you seek the company of others just to feel good? When you are not with others, do you feel a feeling of emptiness?
- What does happiness mean to you: having a partner or the idea of having a partner?
Step 2. Take responsibility
When we criticize others it is because they are wrong. Consequently, they become the only subjects capable of solving the problem. Terrible. To be in control of what you think and feel, you need to take responsibility.
This approach leads you to rely on yourself to come up with a solution. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, think about the possibilities you have to improve the situation. In this way, you will also get rid of the negative emotions that arise in these circumstances and you will be forced to be more rational and have more control
Step 3. Don't react badly when they offend you
Wait a moment. Why get so hot? It is just a person expressing a judgment or a criticism. It's not the end of the world and it's probably not that strange either. Everyone does it. Why get excited by giving her this satisfaction? It's not worth it.
Remember that you don't have to react by indulging your first feelings. It may feel natural and human to get angry, but that's certainly not the only possibility. You can take it or feel sorry, or take note of what happened and move on. After all, what benefit can you derive from anger or regret? What do you get?
Step 4. Realize that happiness is only within you
Literally! Serotonin and dopamine produce a real sensation of pleasure. If you ever want to get used to getting excited at the sight of a brown carpet, you have the chance. The brain is a funny little creature. In other words, you decide what makes you happy and it doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with the outside world. It comes from within, you cannot find it outside.
If that's not clear yet, this is fantastic news. Basically, you can fully control your emotionality! You do not have to suffer the whims of anyone! If you want to experience any emotion, you can do it, otherwise if you prefer to avoid it, you don't have to get overwhelmed. You can choose whether to be happy
Step 5. Don't overdo it
There is a fine line between emotional independence and arrogance. Some people are so focused on "being themselves" that they completely trample others in an attempt to assert themselves. Keep in mind that this is not an excuse to bully and always win. You can be kind and fair while still respecting yourself.
Often, those who mistreat others try to repress a sense of inadequacy or an inferiority complex. Internally he feels he is not valid, so he imposes his arrogant ways on others trying to convince himself otherwise. This does not mean being emotionally independent, but it is downright rudeness
Part 3 of 3: Living Independently
Step 1. Decide with your head
The next time your friends gather around a table talking badly about the latest movie, complaining about politics, or even gossiping about someone else, decide for yourself instead of letting their opinions sway. What do you think? Why should their opinion affect yours?
- Use this approach even in small things. The next time you want to go to a bar or shop or want to watch a movie that you have heard not particularly inspiring comments about, don't hesitate! Sometimes, others don't even know what they are talking about.
- When you decide with your head, you also learn to express your opinions. Other people may think the same way you do, but are too shy to say anything. You could also make a valid observation that no one else had considered.
Step 2. Learn to say no
If you have the opportunity to do something that, however, you don't care much about, forget it. Not only do you have every right to refuse, but you also don't have to worry about living up to other people's expectations because you don't feel stimulated. Follow your instincts because they are often right.
However, there are limitations. Would you miss your best friend's wedding because you don't want to go? Probably not. Would you miss an obligatory business meeting because you don't feel like it? Neither. In other words, you need to know how to choose your battles
Step 3. Learn to solve your problems
Nowadays we live in a world full of different cultures. We have so many resources at our disposal that we don't have to do anything. We ask others many tasks, such as fixing our cars, fixing plumbing, fixing computers, solving our health problems, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, these comforts prevent us from getting by on our own and take away our sense of responsibility. In order not to depend on others, we must learn to solve our problems on our own.
Next time you feel out of sorts, get busy! Spend the evening indulging in one of your favorite hobbies, indulge in some shopping therapy or, gosh, just relax. This way, you will be able to prove that no one else has the power to make things better but yourself
Step 4. Don't have too high expectations
There is a line from one of the James Bond soundtracks that reads: "Arm yourself because no one else will save you". It's a bit cynical, but the underlying concept is true: we are all human beings and, in the end, we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. Everyone does it, so you can do it too without feeling guilty.
If you keep this in mind, you will avoid having too many hopes at the risk of being disappointed. When you expect little from others, they are more likely to surprise you. In addition, you will notice who is not able to make you change your mind and who always reaches the maximum
Step 5. Attend various groups of people
When our whole life revolves around a small circle of people, it is only natural that their opinions often do not exceed certain limits. To broaden your horizons and not give too much importance to what they think, hang out with more people! It is always better to have a vast network of acquaintances, for better or for worse.
All human beings tend to get attached to something. It is not a pleasant idea because it means that our emotions are conditioned by other individuals and other things. The solution is to learn not to get too attached. The limit is very thin and varies from person to person, so you need to identify yours. The best way is to get in touch with different people, allocating your time appropriately
Step 6. Think for yourself
Basically, it means you have to understand who you are to get to take care of the things that concern you. When you find out who you are and go your own way, no one will be able to spoil the feeling of inner happiness that pervades you.
