Did a friend of yours confide in you that you have gender dysphoria and do you want to support him in all respects, while accepting the fact that you will never be able to fully understand what he is going through? The main detail to remember is to address him with the gender he identifies with, but in practice what does that mean and what more can you do to help him?
Steps
Step 1. Listen to it
Your friend is likely to have moments of crisis at times and you need to let him know that you are always available to talk.
Step 2. Don't avoid the question
Don't try to completely ignore the fact that she is transsexual, because she needs to talk about it.
Step 3. Likewise, don't always discuss this topic and avoid the word "disorder"
Step 4. Address the person using pronouns and adjectives of the same gender that you recognize
Avoid using the term "she" if you consider yourself a transsexual or "he" if you recognize yourself as a transsexual. There are many other words to use that do not necessarily imply a gender indication. If you don't know how to approach your friend when you are in public (for example, he continues to lead a typical life of the kind he was assigned at birth), don't be afraid to ask! Do not risk accidentally making him "come out" which could potentially put his safety at risk.
Step 5. Give compliments
If the person is a girl who was coercively assigned the male gender at birth, make some nice comments when you meet her but don't overdo it; you have to find a good balance without lying to her. If she's wearing cute shoes or looks especially beautiful, tell her! The same goes for transsexual guys. If he seems very manly or in shape, don't hesitate to let him know, he will appreciate it even if he will grumble pretending that he does not care. If the aesthetic aspect is not his strong point, the mental and character qualities are a safe ground in which to venture into for a true compliment. He may have a good eye for fashion or remember all the scores from a game. Reflect on his real abilities; don't always bet everything on appearance, otherwise it could become even more insecure about appearance.
Step 6. If she's a transsexual, invite her to a girls' sleepover to help boost her self-esteem
Conversely, if he's a transsexual friend, ask him out for a boys' night out.
Step 7. Ask him for small favors appropriate to the gender he identifies with
For example, if she's a girl, ask her if she doesn't mind giving you advice on clothing or taking you shopping. if you are a guy, compliment her for being really good at certain things. If you spend time with a trans guy, ask him to bring some packages, smile and appreciate the fact that he opens the door for you, let him take care of preparing the wood for the fireplace and other things like that. Small compliments that have to do with gender in association with these expectations are very helpful in helping an individual with gender dysphoria to feel completely accepted. Similar phrases to "Luca can take these things off the shelf because he's strong" and "Hey Luca, could you take the barbecue grill down?" all are useful examples. However, avoid overdoing it, behave exactly as you would with another person of the same age, health condition and gender. If you have a transgender friend you can ask her to take care of arranging the flowers, as she has a special eye for these things. It doesn't matter how you express them, but these gendered comments are constantly manifesting and being taken for granted; they are like a glass of water in the desert to people who do not fit in the kind that has been attributed to them. Don't be surprised by the occasional thanks that are bigger than the favors you have offered, it means that you have made a big impact on this person's life.
Step 8. Help him when it comes to using public restrooms
If you are of the same sex, first go to the services to find out if there are other people and make a gesture to declare "all clear"; finally, do him the favor of staying on guard. Most individuals in transition have a hard time finding a bathroom to use. When planning outings, go and check if there is a mixed toilet; some rooms have separate toilets for disabled people from those for males and females in which there is only one toilet. Whenever a friend checks these details, it spares a lot of embarrassment for a person with gender dysphoria.
Advice
- Hug your friend frequently; people with gender dysphoria often have self-esteem problems; you may be surprised at how many people fear physical contact with a transgender person.
- Don't let them become too dependent on your friendship, to the point of creating an unhealthy relationship; tries to include other friendly people without prejudice in his circle of acquaintances. Introduce it to someone they can trust and help them expand their social network over the long term.
- Don't talk to anyone else about their gender dysphoria; if your friend wants to confide in person, that's fine, but that's not your concern. Remember it is also one personal safety issue. This means that you don't even have to talk about it with those friends you think are open and tolerant; first evaluate the matter with the person concerned. For example, you might say, "I know a person who is very active in the fight for the rights of the LGBT community and who gave a very engaging speech at a meeting on the subject of respect for trans individuals. I think you would get along very well. Do you want me to talk to her first or would you rather get an idea of what she is like? ".
- Never question how he identifies himself; it's one of the worst things you could do. Likewise, avoid constantly reminding him that he is not completely comfortable with his body.
Warnings
- Remember not to talk too much about your experiences as a transsexual individual.
- There are many transgender people, but avoid drawing attention to this trait of your friend when you are in public, unless he asks you to.
