Everyone likes to have friends. If you care about a particular friend, you will want to maintain a solid relationship with them and wonder what it takes to be a good friend. To be a valuable companion, support your friend in joys and difficult times. Spend time with him regularly and keep in touch even despite the distance. Finally, learn to communicate well to avoid arguments and misunderstandings.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Support Your Friend
Step 1. Rejoice in your friend's successes
If you want to be a supportive friend, one of the most important things you can do is rejoice in his successes. Make a commitment to become his biggest supporter and congratulate him on his accomplishments without being envious.
- Envy often makes it difficult to celebrate the success of another person, even someone you consider a friend. However, it is very important that you are able to rejoice in him because people want to have positive people around them who can make them feel good. Even if you feel a bit of envy, try to put that feeling aside and say a sincere "Best Wishes". You will feel better if you do this and you will find that rejoicing over another person is far less stressful than harboring envy.
- Don't just congratulate your friend on big successes or important milestones. You should also compliment the little things he usually does that you appreciate. Point out his positive qualities, for example by saying something like: "I like the fact that you always smile"; or: "I admire the fact that you always remember everyone's birthdays."
Step 2. Listen to your friend in times of need
Listening is the backbone of a solid friendship. If you know your friend is having a hard time, offer to listen to him. You don't have to find solutions or even give advice, just allow him to freely express his feelings.
- If you're not sure what to say while listening, try active listening. This will allow your friend to feel more open about talking to you about himself. You can repeat what he tells you when he finishes speaking, encouraging him to elaborate if necessary. For example, you might say something like, "It really upset you how your brother behaved when he came to your house, didn't it?"
- Remember that while listening is important, you shouldn't end up in a one-way friendship. If you find that your friend is always asking you to listen to him, but is never willing to listen to you in return, you should reevaluate the friendship. Being a good friend is important, but you shouldn't let others take advantage of your availability. If you listen to your friend or girlfriend, expect him or her to do the same when you need to.
Step 3. Remember important dates
The little things help lay the foundation for a solid friendship. Make an effort to remember important dates in your friend's life, such as birthdays, anniversaries, and more.
- Always remember your friend's birthday. It may be useful to set a reminder on your smartphone. You don't necessarily have to do something great like a challenging gift every year, but your friend might appreciate a phone call or a birthday card.
- Are there any other important dates of significant events in your friend's life? Sad events must also be remembered. For example, if he has lost a loved one, his death anniversary can be a difficult day for him. Try to remember this and text him that you are available if he needs to talk.
Step 4. Be loyal
Loyalty is a very important aspect of a strong friendship. Jealousy, envy, resentment, and a lack of trust are all negative feelings that affect your ability to be loyal. Try to overcome such feelings and strive for basic trust.
- Avoid talking behind your friend or girlfriend's back. Even if you are angry or upset about something your friend has done, avoid complaining to others. Instead, try to write and later, when you are calmer, discuss the issues directly with the person.
- It can be difficult to deal with negative feelings that can damage loyalty. However, try to keep in mind the benefits of overcoming such feelings. What is most important in the end? Fulfilling your jealous impulses momentarily by talking badly about your friend or building a strong and lasting bond?
- It must be pointed out that loyalty, like listening, has its limits. Being loyal to your friend and supporting their decisions does not mean being loyal to someone who doesn't behave well. If, for example, your friend behaves badly towards a mutual friend, don't rush to take his defense immediately; instead, face him openly if his behavior has overstepped the boundaries for you or another person.
Step 5. Apply the golden rule
The golden rule says you must treat others as you want them to treat you. When interacting with friends, pause to think about your actions. If you feel that you are not treating your friend well, consider how you would feel if you were treated that way. If you don't appreciate the kind of treatment you are giving, you should stop treating your friend like that.
Part 2 of 3: Spending Time with Your Friend
Step 1. Participate in common interests
Friendships are often built on common interests. If there is something that brought you and your friend together early on, returning to that shared interest can help strengthen the bond.
- For example, if you met at a reading club, suggest that they read the same book and meet once a week to discuss the plot. Your friend will appreciate sharing this experience with you.
- You can also further develop common interests. For example, if you met in college for Spanish lessons, you might be attending a Spanish language association together. As a couple, you will help each other improve their language skills.
Step 2. Make friendship a priority
Over time, friendship sometimes fades. School, work, private life, and other commitments can undermine a friendship. However, if you want to be a good friend, make a commitment to prioritize friendship in your life.
- Realistically speaking, when life gets more and more challenging, you can't meet friends every day or even every week. Nonetheless, make it a point to see them regularly. It may be helpful to set a day to meet; for example, you could plan to go to dinner every first Tuesday of the month.
- An important aspect to consider is that you shouldn't prioritize a person who doesn't do the same to you. You don't have to end up in a one-way friendship. If you always contact the other first and make plans with a particular person, you would do well to gradually loosen contact and commit to being a good friend to those who appreciate your presence.
- Even if time is an issue, you can always find alternative ways to keep in touch. Many people do this through social media when their life gets very busy. If you're too busy to go out on a regular basis, you can always call a friend to have a chat from time to time.
Step 3. Laugh together
People tend to bond when they laugh together, and your friend will enjoy your company more if you laugh often. Try to make laughter the priority of the meeting.
- Watch comedies together or attend comedy shows.
- Make each other laugh. Don't be afraid to look funny or ridiculous. A true friend won't judge you for bringing out your comedic side.
- While it's important to laugh, don't do it at the expense of others. Friendship is not built on mutual derision or aversion. Anyone who is willing to mock and judge others with you will probably not be a good friend to you either.
Step 4. Keep in touch if you live far away
Unfortunately, distance often pushes two good friends away. In this case, you should make a commitment to keep contacts alive. If your friend is moving for study or work reasons, call him regularly on the phone or on Skype; for example, you might agree to make a call on Thursday every other week. You can also keep in touch with your friend through various social media, such as Facebook or Twitter.
Part 3 of 3: Communicating with Your Friend
Step 1. Avoid giving advice
You may think that being nice means always telling your friend how to solve their problems. However, in this way the friendship becomes unbalanced: you are always the one who has the answers, while your friend is always the one with the problems. Not only that, but whenever he confides in you, your friend may always seek advice. Sometimes, people just want to let off steam and don't seek guidance.
- Just let your friend do the talking. Show that you are listening by sending non-verbal feedback such as smiling or nodding to let him know that you are following. Repeat what he says every now and then to make sure you fully understand.
- You should also help your friend exchange ideas with you. Ask him questions such as: "What do you plan to do?"; or: "Do you have any idea how to proceed?".
- In the event that you are reasonably concerned about their decision, it is okay to express your apprehension. For example, if your friend is thinking about doing something dangerous or illegal, it's not a bad idea to express your concern.
Step 2. Don't keep the point
A good friend doesn't make people feel indebted. You shouldn't be fixated on things like who gave the best birthday present or who the last favor. You should do good for your friend because you value him as a person, not because you want favors in return.
- People often create unnecessary barriers in friendships. For example, you might not want to invite a friend out next Saturday because you already did it last week; in your mind, it's his turn. However, you simply have to realize that some people are not inclined to organize and rather prefer to accept what others propose. Your friend doesn't owe you an invitation just because you invited him earlier.
- Try to keep in mind that you and your friend may have different strengths. For example, you might feel like the one who always throws events, but maybe your friend is always the one willing to bring sweets and help set up.
Step 3. Tell your friend when he's wrong
Being a good friend sometimes involves telling unpleasant truths. You are not a good friend if you allow the other to repeat the same mistake. When you notice that he is wrong or about to make a mistake, tell him. Even though he may take it badly at the time, over time he will appreciate your honesty.
- You don't have to be harsh when you tell your friend that they are wrong. On the contrary, you should approach the situation gently. Say something like, "I'm worried about the way you talk about other people. I know you can be better than that and I hope you are less critical when talking about absentees."
- After pointing out that he was wrong, reassure him that you care about him. Say something like, "I only told you these things because you are important to me and this behavior of yours worries me."
Step 4. Face conflict as a mature person
Conflict is inevitable in a friendship and, if you are often together, there will be arguments. If you disagree, try to resolve the matter in a mature way.
- Apologize if you hurt his feelings. If your friend is really hurt, he deserves you to say "I'm sorry", even if he just misunderstood you.
- If you are disheartened by something your friend has said, tell them directly. Don't talk about him or her behind his back. This will not solve the problem and could generate additional tension.
