When someone falls in love for the first time, they hardly think their feelings will change over time. Unfortunately, emotions and situations can transform and there is a risk that people stop loving. If you are wondering if you are still in love with your partner, you can understand this by analyzing the changes your relationship has gone through. By examining the level of physical attraction and intimacy, the way you communicate and the negative relationship patterns, you can get a better idea and, therefore, realize if you just have to put in a little more effort to make your relationship work or if the love you feel for the other person is slowly fading.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Analyzing Your Level of Attraction and Physical Intimacy
Step 1. Consider the changes in your life
Relationships evolve, as does the reality that moves around each partner. Adapting to changes doesn't necessarily mean not loving anymore. Take the time to consider what's going on in your life, but also your partner's, and how the changes might affect your relationship dynamics.
- Many couples go through an "idyllic time" during which people deepen their knowledge. When it ends and they begin to feel more comfortable, there is the impression that the relationship is different. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they don't love each other anymore.
- Similarly, major changes in one's personal life, such as finding a new job or losing a loved one, can generate fluctuating stress within the couple. These changes can complicate relational dynamics immediately, but it does not mean that the relationship is doomed to fail.
- If you have a hard time figuring out if your relationship is being affected by external forces or internal feelings, consider consulting a couples therapist. It may help you to better evaluate and express what you are feeling.
Step 2. Think about how often you physically search for your partner
When two people are in love, they often physically show their affection. Whether they are holding hands, cuddling or just sitting next to each other, they often want to touch each other. However, as the love begins to fade, you may notice that the urge for tenderness disappears.
- You may withdraw when your partner tries to touch you. His once desired caresses are no longer welcome. Often, this is a clear warning sign.
- Remember that often the way you show your affection and the time you spend intimate with your partner don't stay the same over the course of the relationship. Changes in physical contact do not necessarily mean that you are no longer in love.
- It is important to understand if physical contact is changing because the relationship is changing or because you no longer want to pamper yourself.
Step 3. Observe how often you are intimate with your partner
If you don't love him anymore, you may find that you don't want him like you used to. Maybe you don't want to have sex because you feel guilty or because you just don't feel attached to him anymore. You may also feel so offended and hurt (maybe that's why you're no longer in love) that you don't share this aspect with him.
- You may also notice that the quality of intercourse has decreased. Maybe you don't like making love with him anymore or you just don't feel emotionally enough to keep the fire of passion alive.
- Do not confuse the different degrees of intimacy with the absence of sexual desire. Realize that it is absolutely natural for the intimacy of a couple to fluctuate during the course of the relationship. However, if you feel physically rejected and have little or no desire to maintain physical contact, whether through a hug or sexual intercourse, it could be a warning sign of a more serious problem.
Step 4. Find out if you've been feeling more attracted to other people lately
It is common to find other people fascinating than your partner. However, if you have the impression that you are looking around more than usual and also noticing other presences, you are probably no longer in love. When two people experience strong emotional involvement, they tend not to look for other opportunities. However, when love dies, they are more open to considering the surrounding reality.
You may also find that you don't care if your partner watches other people. What used to bother you today doesn't matter to you anymore because you don't feel the same bonding or transport as it once did
Step 5. Ask yourself if you'd rather spend being with anyone but your partner
Typically, couples in love want to see each other as often as they can. However, you may get to the point where the other person's closeness is anything but pleasant. Maybe you cancel appointments and make other plans to avoid his company.
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating Your Way to Communicate
Step 1. Listen to yourself talking to your partner
Most of the time people in love use tender and respectful language. However, if the spark of love is lacking, each can notice unpleasant aspects of the other and, consequently, highlight them in his speeches.
For example, you may notice that you are too picky about him or often criticize his behavior, but also speak badly of him with friends and family
Step 2. Ask yourself if you no longer confide in yourself like you used to
Your partner was probably the first person you wanted to open up to in certain respects. However, now you prefer to talk to everyone except him. The idea of sharing thoughts, feelings, emotions and personal information with those around you can seem exhausting or you just don't think they deserve to collect your confidences.
You may also find that you don't want to hear what he has to say. You may not be interested or think it doesn't deserve your attention
Step 3. Notice if you are struggling to communicate
When you talk to your partner, do you only do it because you feel you have to? Do you find it difficult to find topics to discuss or do you struggle when chatting with him? In these cases, it is likely that you are no longer in love.
Communication problems within the couple are not obvious at first. For example, the quality and content of conversations may begin to become increasingly superficial. As time goes by, you may get the impression that the frequency thins out until it falls into complete silence
Step 4. Ask yourself if you have any secrets
Sincerity is one of the hallmarks of love. If you start hiding something from your partner, even simple activities that you wouldn't have omitted before, maybe your feelings are changing. If you don't feel comfortable or don't want to share what you do on a daily basis, maybe you are no longer in love.
Step 5. Check your way of communicating with others
If the dialogue with your partner is practically non-existent, but you find yourself chatting for hours with a colleague or other people, this attitude could indicate that you are looking around. Maybe you no longer enjoy talking to your partner because you are attracted or in love with someone else.
If you open up to someone and confide in them very intimate and personal details, you are probably no longer in love with your partner. Interest in someone else may suggest physical attraction or simply that you are not very in tune with your mate
Part 3 of 3: Notice the Negative Relational Patterns
Step 1. Ask yourself if you avoid talking about the future
When you are in love, you can't help but get excited thinking about the future to share with those around you. If you look ahead, but you don't see it, maybe you are no longer in love.
You may even change the subject when your partner shares his or her plans for the future, you avoid questions about your future, or you even think about taking a step back from the plans you've always talked about, like having children or buying a house. together
Step 2. Find out if you are jealous of other couples or feel uncomfortable around them
When you spend an evening in the company of a very close-knit couple, are you envious of their bond? In these moments would you rather stay elsewhere? If the presence of two people who love each other makes you difficult, perhaps the reason is that you are no longer in love with your partner.
Step 3. Ask yourself if you still care about overcoming conflicts
You have probably noticed that in the initial stages of the relationship you put a lot of effort into smoothing out the issues and disagreements that arose from time to time. However, now you don't care anymore. If you don't try to find a solution, you may not feel involved in this relationship anymore.
Likewise, you may find that you are ignoring the problems you would once have tried to solve. Maybe you think it's not worth it anymore or you just don't care anymore
Step 4. Reflect on how you feel by saying "I love you"
Do you feel like you are lying when you tell your partner that you love them? Do you feel compelled to say those two small, powerful words? In this case, it is very likely that you are no longer in love.
