It is sad when two friends decide to break their friendship. And it's even sadder when one of you has to tell the other. While it's never easy, by keeping in mind the reasons why this friendship no longer works for you, by being honest and above all understanding, you will now discover a way to end the friendship with dignity.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Being Honest with Your Friends
Step 1. Be certain of the reasons why friendship no longer matters to you
Before you kick people out of your life, make sure you do it for good reasons. Are you stressed out? Is he (or she, for both genders) stressed out? If so, now may not be the best time. However, if the situation has been dragging on for some time and you are no longer comfortable with him, it is probably the right decision. Life is too short to be around people who don't make us feel good.
- Understanding exactly why you want to end the friendship will help you explain to the other person (or other people) why you decided to do so. When you are strong with your ideas, it becomes difficult to contradict and get angry about it.
- Make sure you haven't decided on a whim or out of anger. If you feel the urge to close a friendship, sleep on it. If you still feel the same urge the next day, then it might be best to proceed.
Step 2. Take your friend aside and tell him what you think
At first, telling the truth about what you feel, about the fact that friendship has come to its natural conclusion for you, may be difficult, but it is the right thing to do in perspective and can save you the effort of taking other steps. to close the friendship. Tackle the subject gently. Avoid blaming or suggesting that she may have flaws that you can't stand anymore. This is about you too.
For example, you might say something like, “I don't know what you think and I want to hear you say it. But it is important that you understand one thing: I have a feeling that our friendship no longer works. I have long felt that [we drifted apart / always fight / often end up avoiding each other, etc.] and although I have thought about it a lot, I feel that it is not something we can fix. I think we should see each other less and be honest about what has happened to our friendship."
Step 3. Be objective and don't assign blame
Know that if you start listing precise reasons why the friendship should end, they must be as objective and blameless as possible. Any reason that ends up attacking the other person's personality or behaviors will give them a chance to argue back - they promise to be a better friend and things like that - so you risk getting caught up in an eternal argument. Focus on what you feel and on the things that cannot change.
- To avoid defensive responses, keep your reasons general and non-judgmental. You have to be the one in a position of strength.
- Don't say negative things about your friend's personality; this would put him on the defensive and make you look cruel and mean. If that happened, you would feel compelled to "fix" your meanness, which would lead you to wait another few months before resenting hard enough to try again to end the friendship.
Step 4. Try to focus on your feelings and facts, not opinions
Criticize what you feel in your friendship rather than blaming your friend's irritating behavior. You don't want him to feel impeached, nothing good would come of it (especially if you have mutual friends).
Know that whatever you say will likely be viewed negatively. It's human, it's the way we have to handle pain. With this in mind, be concise, kind and clear
Step 5. Be ready to hear what he has to say
It's not that he can end up "being right" and fixing things, it's about having the courtesy to listen to him. You can summarize his point of view and say that, nevertheless, you feel how things are according to your point of view anyway.
This conversation is likely to bring a lot of sadness, grief, and even anger on her part. Accept his reaction, but don't allow it to become a reason to dismiss the problems
Step 6. If their tempers are heated, suggest that they meet you again at another time to end the conversation
Do not stand and endure oppression; angry responses demonstrate the need for a break. If you can't get a closure, that's fine. You did what you had to do.
If your friend gets upset during the conversation, don't feel like you have to explain your feelings. Tell him how you don't want to be so much friends anymore. Emotions will be at very high levels right now, so it's important to stay as objective as possible
Step 7. Be realistic when determining the fate of friendship
In some cases, it will be obvious to both of you how the friendship has come to a standstill. Chances are your friend also thinks the same and is relieved that you wanted to talk about it, so give it a try. You don't have to get stuck in a friendship you don't want.
Since you have been sincere and open, you will both know how things stand. It will be easier for both of you to relate to each other in the future if that ever happens. However, if this is not feasible, the next section will deal with how to leave a friendship indirectly and passively
Part 2 of 3: Silently Retreat
Step 1. Gradually, stop dating that person
Sometimes “talking about it” is not possible. In these cases, quitting being friendly and present could send the same message. Start hanging out with other people and not responding to their calls or messages. If he asks why you don't answer, he replies with a bland “Sorry, I was busy” or “I can't talk much anymore, I don't have time.” The other person will feel offended, but over time they will understand.
Don't meet with him like you used to. If that means changing plans with other friends as well, that's something you'll have to do for a while. Not seeing each other again is a good way to put some distance between you and help your friend understand what you mean to him
Step 2. Stop sharing your posts on social networks with him
Block it if you think it's best. Do not reply to messages, chats or anything else that you write online. Avoid commenting on their posts, even if your other mutual friends do. Your absence will be very significant.
If you pick up the phone and find yourself 15 text messages and 3 missed calls, it will be something you will have to deal with. In this situation, write or call him to meet you. At that point, you'll have to tell him in person
Step 3. Adapt your routine as needed
If you go to a class together, go to the same venue or have the same friends, you will have to adapt your pace to avoid it. Sometimes this means you can't do what you want, sure, but you'll be so happy you don't have to deal with a heavy relationship that you may not even notice.
This could still be a momentary change until the moment the bomb goes off. Give it a few weeks, and then go back to normal. The other person will then have time to calm down and get used to not having you around anymore
Step 4. Talk to your mutual friends about it
If you have mutual friends, they will need to be made aware of what's going on. That way if he's there, they can let you know. Then, it will be up to you to decide whether to go out with them again or not.
For the record, it would be best not to see you with the same friends for a while, at least initially. If you have other friendships you don't share with this ex-friend, then meet up with them to make the transition easier
Step 5. Be honest if he confronts you
This person is likely to notice that you are walking away, and to ask you what is going on. If this happens, be honest. Say you're making other friends and the two of you are just drifting apart. Which is natural. You two are no longer connected, you no longer have anything in common. It is likely that he understands what you are going to tell him.
If you choose the “disappear slowly” strategy, be honest about the reasons: you don't want to fight and you want to avoid a fight. You were agitated by the thought of how sad and ugly it would be. If you open up to him like this, he won't be able to argue or attack you
Part 3 of 3: Moving from Being Friends to Acquaintances
Step 1. Know that being warm and kind leaves the door open to the permanence of a more superficial relationship
You will no longer be friends, but it is important not to leave behind a lot of people who are "dead" for you. You never know when you will need a lift, help or maybe you will find yourself going to the same wedding in the future. in a positive way it is an important part of staying within a community.
And who knows, maybe in a few years you could be friends again. The other person will see where he went wrong. Time heals all wounds and can also change people
Step 2. Be friendly while keeping your distance
After the friendship has closed, don't be cold; it would be unfair and rude. Instead, over time you will see that you will even be able to have a chat every now and then. However, he refuses to exchange anything more than a superficial chat, beyond just an occasional greeting. Laugh together for a few jokes. But always have an excuse ready to walk away, like a date with someone or a generic engagement, just in case your ex-friend believes you are leaving him an open door to get things back to the way they used to be.
- For example, use something short and friendly, like "Ah, that's interesting, but sorry I can't talk now" and walk away or make a reasonable excuse (a date or a deadline) if your ex-friend tries to strike up a conversation.
- Being distant means not sharing intimate things with him. You can share the news that a mutual acquaintance of yours has had a child, but without going into the details of what the child is, how is the mother or what gift you want to give him. Talk about the main story in general terms and nothing else.
Step 3. If you have to, also talk about how things were
Eventually you may find that you can't get rid of your friend with four words. He may want to get back the closeness he once was. In this case, you will have to be very direct, telling the harsh truth.
Here is an example of what you might have to say, being honest and straightforward, but civilized and mature: "X, I know it's not easy for you, but I was serious when I told you we weren't friends anymore. I don't mean to continue these conversations. I won't be abrupt or rude to you, but I don't want to go back to the same relationship as before. I hope you understand that."
Step 4. Don't be aggressive
Insulting him or openly ignoring him while you are with others are cruel gestures that will not make things easier. Don't spread rumors about him, gossip is cowardly and you would hurt him. It is likely to backfire, as one rumor always results in another.
- Sadly, viewers like to see people arguing and some won't hesitate to push for it to happen, so don't give them satisfaction and instead be a role model for how to end a friendship with dignity.
- If you're aggressive, don't be surprised if others think he ended the friendship with you. ' Stay calm and cool, so you can handle this delicate situation.
Advice
Think carefully about the consequences and reasons before ending a friendship. When it's over, it will be difficult if not impossible to mend
Warnings
- These are general tips. Only you know the facts, the context of your friendship and the reasons for breaking it. You will have to think deeply about the consequences of what you want to do, what to say and which of these tips will help, to follow your instincts and use your relationship skills to handle it. Ultimately, the best advice is to do your best to avoid turning your ex-best friend into an enemy - wasting time and energy right now makes no sense.
- Don't speak badly behind his back. He will know, this will create anger and other unpleasant situations, and will end up rumors about you too!
