You may have a myriad of friends, Facebook contacts, and social engagements, but do you really feel a connection with all of these people? How can you be sure of their friendship? If you want to know how to challenge your friends and build more authentic relationships, read on.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Testing Friendship Relationships
Step 1. Ask a friend to help you
Can you count on his presence if you need a hand? Or does he tend to make excuses and disappear when it suits him? True friends are by your side when you need help and when it comes to celebrating after a tiring time.
- True friends help you move, drive you to the airport, and assist you if you have trouble with your homework.
- Don't expect too much. If you have constant requests, anyone may have a hard time getting close enough to be considered a friend.
Step 2. Change the plans you had with a friend
If your relationship is strong and unbreakable, you will still remain friends regardless of the change in plans. Being together should already be reason enough to have fun. Notice how the person reacts if you decide at the last moment to alter your plans. If you've decided to spend the night out, find out if your friend would rather stay home alone and watch a movie.
If a friend declines your request it does not automatically mean that your friendship is over, simply the way he reacts can make you understand a lot about him. Does it act as if your new proposal is the most boring of all? This is a bad sign. Or, since he is a stay-at-home, do you think his request to stay quiet at home and watch a movie is legitimate? If the answer is yes, it may not be a red flag
Step 3. Share something personal with a friend
Schoolmates and acquaintances aren't interested in helping you out during tough times. They just want to have friends for convenience to have fun with when they go out on a Friday night. This does not mean that there is no place in life for this type of relationship as well, but if you are wondering who your real friends are, try to confide in them and observe how they react.
- Tell a friend how you feel after a first date or about a stressful family situation. Don't expect answers, but if your friend isn't understanding or seems bored, that's not a good sign.
- It's not about gossiping. Almost everyone likes rumors, but that doesn't make them good friends.
Step 4. Invite your friend to go out with your family
While it is possible to have good friends who are not necessarily in harmony with your parents or siblings, if your friend gets along with them you can consider it a good sign. If he likes to come to your house and your family appreciates his company, chances are that being with you he feels comfortable and that you can trust him.
Inviting a friend to dinner with your family is a quick and easy way to test your relationship, but first make sure your parents agree
Step 5. Find out if a friend is "using" you
Did your parents just buy you a car and suddenly you are surrounded by "friends" who, until a few days ago, rarely took you into consideration? Many times people act friendly when they want to get something out of you. Generally it is best to avoid nurturing these types of relationships. Those who try to use you fill you with flattery and attention, but the truth is, they wouldn't be willing to go out with you if circumstances were different.
If you think a friend is going to hang out with you just because he wants to take advantage of your car, pool, or Xbox, ask him to meet you on a different occasion or pretend your car is at the mechanic. If she cancels your appointment, that's a bad sign
Step 6. Notice if he shows jealousy
Sometimes friends are jealous, especially when one seems to have better luck than the other. For example, if you are both members of a sports team, but you are part of the starting group, while he is a reserve player, your friendship could start to suffer. But a good friend can learn to overcome initial jealousy by prioritizing your bond. For example, the following circumstances could be caused by a feeling of jealousy:
- Your friend never celebrates your successes or criticizes you instead of congratulating you;
- Your friend has become cold and aloof;
- You feel a "negative" energy in his presence;
- Your friend is nowhere to be found when you are in trouble and need help.
Step 7. Be careful if it seems to you that it is double-dealing
Anyone who talks badly about you to others cannot be considered a friend. If you are getting ambiguous messages or have discovered that he often changes versions based on who he is in front of, it means that he is not a true friend.
- If you want to know what a person says about you, ask friends you have in common. If your relationship is authentic, they will tell you the truth.
- If someone openly talks badly about you even in your presence, it goes without saying that you can't consider them a friend. Teasing you playfully is one thing, but if someone offends you and doesn't admit that they're hurting your feelings, it's clear they don't want to be friends.
Step 8. If you think someone is making fun of you, talk to them privately
If you suspect a friend is double-crossing, taking advantage of you, or jealous of your successes, but you are unsure, face him openly at a time when you feel calm by asking him point-blank if you can really consider him a friend.
- It might seem like a weird question at first, which is likely to blow your mind, but you can go on to tell what you noticed. For example: "I have found that you only agree to meet me when you have the opportunity to use my pool and that you speak ill of me behind my back. This is not the behavior expected of a friend. What is going on?".
- Give him a chance to explain. If you don't like what he says or if he tries to justify indefensible behavior, you will simply know that it is not about true friendship.
Part 2 of 2: Make True Friends
Step 1. Follow your instincts
All friends and all friendships are different. Feelings of this type are mostly instinctive and arise out of impulse. If you feel that a person truly cares about you and you naturally trust their sincerity, you are most likely right. If, on the other hand, you need to think about it to determine it, it is reasonable to assume that this is not the case.
Ask yourself the following questions, and if you are unsure what to answer, follow your gut. Would your friend pick you up at the airport at midnight if you need it? Would he agree to be by your side during a boring Sunday lunch at your grandparents' house just because he cares about you and wants to go out together when it's done? Would he be able to be happy for you if you win something and he wins nothing?
Step 2. Keep friends who support you
Friends should be there to support you, celebrate good times together, and help you overcome difficult ones. Anyone who is unable to offer their support at all times is not a friend. A person can be called your friend if:
- Compliments you sincerely;
- Speak well of yourself to others;
- Seems really happy when you are successful;
- She shows understanding when you are in trouble.
Step 3. Keep friends who accept you for who you are
Friendship shouldn't be based on external or superficial factors. If someone wants to be around you just because you have a car, a pool or are popular at school, they are not a true friend. Those who love you truly want you to remain yourself. You can know that a person is friends with you if:
- It does not exhort you to do something against your will;
- He doesn't judge you for confiding in you;
- She doesn't embarrass you and she doesn't feel embarrassed by you;
- Does not change behavior in the presence of others;
- It doesn't expect you to do anything in particular.
Step 4. Keep friends who point out when you fail
Friendship isn't all fun and laughter. True friends know it's in your best interest to know when you're making a mistake. Handling situations like this can be tricky, particularly because you want your friends to accept you, but also to know when you stumble across an obstacle to be there to support you. You can know that a person is friends with you if:
- Counter your point of view in a polite way;
- It doesn't attack you personally;
- He has your best interest at heart;
- He is able to understand what you want and what you need.
Step 5. Keep friends who can listen to you
If one of your friends always seems distracted when you're together or gives you the impression that they'd rather be somewhere else, that's not a good sign at all. This can happen between longtime friends, who have known each other for a long time, where suddenly something changes suddenly and the relationship doesn't seem to be the same as it once was. You can be sure that a person is friends with you if:
- Stay in touch even if both of you are changing;
- Prioritize your friendship;
- He inquires about your life;
- Remember your past conversations.
Step 6. Keep the friends you feel comfortable with
As we've said, friendships aren't just laughter and fun, they don't have to be a burden either. If you tremble at the very thought of having to go out with someone or if that person seems to be bothered by the idea of meeting you, your relationship probably isn't working anymore. To understand if you feel comfortable with a person, consider whether:
- He is easygoing and it is pleasant to be in his company;
- Makes you feel relaxed and comfortable;
- She can be light when you are stressed;
- It is not melodramatic.
Step 7. Keep friends who can forgive
Unless you were really mean, if you made a mistake, a true friend should forgive you after receiving your sincere apology. Friends should be willing to overcome your little flaws and shortcomings if they truly know you and have your best interest at heart. To find out if a person is known to you if:
- Accept your apology;
- Forgive your mistakes;
- He doesn't expect you to pretend to be what you are not;
- Avoid recalling mistakes you've made in the past.
Step 8. Be a good friend yourself
If you want to attract people who are sincere and trustworthy, make sure you behave yourself. You can't just expect all your friends to stand by, support you and listen to you when you need to let off steam. If so far you haven't bothered to return the support and generosity your friends have shown you, go back to the top of the article and make sure you have the same attention and concern that you expect from them. At that point you can be sure that your friendships are true, strong and lasting.
Advice
- Some friends may have daily commitments to cope with after school, such as sports or family commitments. If you want to be sure they are telling you the truth, ask your parents or siblings for confirmation.
- Keep friends who are always ready to defend you. If you are being bullied or if there is someone who offends or intimidates you, ask your closest friends for help.
