Are you growing up or did you grow up next to a mother who seems to put her needs before yours? Whether or not she is aware that she is a narcissistic mom, her attitude compromises your self-esteem, not to mention that many of your needs may be overlooked. Although your mother is self-centered, you can manage to fill her emotional gaps and become a strong and caring individual.
Steps
Step 1. You acknowledge and regret immensely that you never had a real mother
A real mother puts her baby's physical and emotional needs before hers, but if you live or have lived with a narcissistic mother, their needs are always a priority.
- Don't try to understand why. In some cases, your mother has also been the victim of a narcissistic mother or some other kind of abuse. In other cases, perhaps your mother has never "grown up" and has not realized that the world does not revolve around her. Either way it's his problem, not yours.
- Try not to ask yourself “what if?”. You have come across this kind of mother for a reason - not to punish you, but perhaps to challenge you and help you emerge. Thinking wistfully about what would happen if I had a different mother would make the situation even more difficult.
- Go through the moment of bitterness. You have finally realized that your mother will not change and you have a mother who only thinks of one person - herself. Give yourself time to overcome the pain and then move on to the recovery phase.
Step 2. There is no point in trying to change your mother
Maybe you think that if you behaved better or got a promotion at work, your mother would be proud of you. You haven't made any mistakes, but unfortunately any major action will make no sense to a narcissist.
Step 3. Rely on someone to support you
Depending on your age, surround yourself with caring and loving people who really care about your well-being. If you still live under your parents' roof it will be your friends, relatives or boyfriend / girlfriend. Adults can turn to their partner or even friends.
- If you are an adult and have children, don't lean on them. As much as you want to turn to your child when your mother upsets you (they can do it even in adulthood), control yourself and divert your emotions. Children will not only misunderstand what you are trying to tell them, but they may even worry that the same thing might happen to them.
- If you are having trouble finding help, consult an experienced therapist who may recommend a support group for children of narcissistic mothers.
Step 4. Distance yourself from your mother
As difficult as it may seem to get away from someone, this could be the only way to start healing.
- If you still live at home, avoid staying close to her. Narcissistic people often feel when others turn away and act as if they only have an interest in returning to their old ways once they have attracted their "audience" (you). Try to have the slightest contact with your mother at home - see her behavior as something funny, which has nothing serious and has no bearing on your existence.
- Get away from your mother. The thinner relationships will make things work better, especially if you live in different cities or countries. If you feel that talking on the phone to her upset you, only do so when you are psychologically ready to deal with her - don't let her catch you off guard, upset you and ruin your day.
- Limit yourself to relationships that don't cause you discomfort. If relationships are severed for good, never looking back is the only way to go forward and try to recover. However, many children feel guilty as they leave and may feel obligated to provide financial support for their mother - if this does not burden your state, continue to support her financially. Remember that you are not doing it for her, but to heal and move on.
Advice
- Seek the help of someone who has no ties to your mother: a therapist, a friend, etc. they can give you unbiased and objective advice, which you may never get from another family member. Being the child of a narcissistic mother can leave indelible marks and may require the intervention of appropriate therapy and the help of a support group.
- Keep calm. It is extremely important not to play his game. As soon as she feels a reaction that denotes a lack of self-control on your part, she takes advantage of it. By staying calm, you can stay lucid, dissociate and look at it objectively.
- Narcissistic mothers often use the tactic of pulling everyone else to their side. It can become extremely difficult for you to receive any kind of emotional support in this way.
- Remember that you are a special person when you feel that your mother is rejecting you.
- Don't try to talk to her about her behavior. An emotional breakdown would ensue. If you still live with her, don't let her words hurt you. If you live under the same roof because you are still a child, concentrate on studying so when the time is right you can leave without depending on her. Your good grades will be pride to brag about, while you will use them as an escape.
- Focus on yourself. Sometimes you may seem to replicate his behavior, but the lack of time and interest in oneself is just as dangerous as obsession with oneself.
- Search online forums for other people to talk to. You need outside support. However, be aware that uninitiated people have divergent opinions on narcissism, they could be angry with their parents for a multitude of reasons, and maybe they would end up giving this label improperly. Compare yourself to those in the forum, but try to think for yourself.
